ishtar87 , 33

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SweetLakeB

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I'm kind of nervous, just like every year right before the end of the year. I wonder why, maybe it's just anxiety not knowing what's going to happen next year, or maybe regrets about what I couldn't get done this past year... I don't know. But this time I'm getting ready for 2008. For the first time I'm making resolutions and planning to stick to them. I already mentioned my resolutions in a past entry, so I won't get there again, but I'm determined to make them happen and these days I'm setting my mind on them. Like learning to listen to my body and not overeat again, and be more organized, stuff like that.

So, let's see. Not much has been going on these past few days. On Wednesday I was off of work, so I just relaxed. On Thursday I went to work, and oh, I almost forgot: on my way to work I checked my cell phone and saw a text from Rikki saying he still loves me. I expected it to happen, but it still shook me up. The way he wrote it was really romantic, it almost made me feel like I still loved him too. Then my mind took over and realized I love what we shared years ago, I miss having a boyfriend, but I don't know if I still love Rikki, because I don't know how he has changed and evolved over these past 7 years. So I texted him back saying I was touched, that I loved what we had, and I'd love to stay in touch with him, but that he didn't know me now, and I didn't know him now either, so we should get to know each other again because people change a lot in 7 years. I told him we could meet sometime in Janaury, and 24 hours later he still hadn't answered. I haven't checked my phone since then, I guess I'll check it out tomorrow. I don't wanna obsess about it. Besides I don't really expect an answer, he might just be waiting until I text or call him to go out. And I will, I definitely want to see him again. Maybe we'll find we have nothing in common anymore and won't want to see each other again, maybe we'll find we wouldn't be happy as a couple again but will remain good friends, maybe we will become friends with benefits, which, if he hasn't changed in bed, would totally suit me right now, or maybe there is a slight chance we might fall in love again, who knows? It's not very likely to happen, but you never know. No matter what, I want to see him again.

Moving on, work wasn't as bad as I thought it would be on Thursday. We had a lot of callers but not more than on the average Monday, even a little less than that. After work I met up with Cristina and we went to the other offices of the company I work in, at the other end of Barcelona, to pick up my Xmas pack. We also checked out some stores, because these offices are located in a mall. Afterwards I had dinner at a restaurant with my parents, my aunt, my cousins, and Carla, my male cousin's semi-girlfriend (long story). It was cool, but I drank too much wine and went to bed too late considering I had to work on Friday, so the next morning I had to go to work with a horrible hangover. Blergh. Like I said above, I need to listen to my body. I know it tells me when I've reached my limit of alcohol drinking for one day. It will save me more hangovers. Believe me, hangovers are much worse when you're close to 30 than when you're 20.

On Friday I half-slept through my work day. Happily there weren't too many callers, so I don't think I really messed up or anything. In the afternoon I just relaxed. I didn't know if I had a Finnish class or not, but considering the teacher wrote me "merry xmas and happy new year" in the text message when he told me he was sick last week, I decided that meant there was no class. Then yesterday I just relaxed, and I will do the same today as well. I'm just doing my online stuff and my crafts, and soon I'll go back to writing mail.

My ex boyfriend Rikki just called me. I haven't seen him since spring 2001 and haven't talked to him on the phone since summer 2003 or so, and he calls just to say merry christmas... nice, but weird. He used the same excuse as last time he called; some mysterious "missed call" from me on his phone, which obviously never happened as I don't have his phone number anymore. Both times he called he insisted on how he's dating this great girl and he's so happy with her. Well, good for them! But is he trying to hurt me, is he trying to make me jealous, or is he just sharing information? The fact is, a couple of years ago I found his mother in a store and she told me he was always depressed, drinking more than ever (I left him because he was alcoholic and wouldn't get help) and not even going out of his home, let alone working. Oh well.

Anyway, yesterday work was pretty good. Not too many calls, so between Sunday night and yesterday morning I managed to read a whole book! lol. We exchanged our secret Santa presents and I got a silver colored purse, which is pretty cool because I needed a purse that exact size and shape anyway. Marga told me that on Sunday work was hell. For some reason every called seemed to be sick, and the emergency services just collapsed. People had to wait for up to 10 hours to get to see a doctor! Crazy! When will the government realize they MUST do something about it? I know it's not easy, but there *has* to be a way! We need more doctors.
Now I'm enjoying a couple of days off of work for Xmas. Last night my paretns and I exchanged presents, I got money from my dad, a pocket watch with HIM's logo from my mom (well, I *will* get it soon, it had to be ordered via a catalogue and it's been delayed due to a mail strike), and I got my parents some cd's and books.

I need to get over my laziness, it's been way too long since I last updated here! I'll post a quick catch-up and hope I'll stick to writing more often from now on... maybe I should make it one of my new year resolutions.

Speaking of this, so far the resolutions I've made are being more productive (that is, not giving up on my crafts business when it gets a little harder), working on trusting people again now that I've gained back a lot of my self-esteem, and most of all lose weight, once and for all. Lately I've been feeling my body is practically begging me to releave it from all that extra weight, so I must listen to it, or else I'm in for some major health problems in not so many years. I feel I have more trouble digesting fat or sweet food, or even alcohol. But then again, I'm going to turn 30 in March, so I can't expect my body to react the same way it did when I was 15 or 20, right? Besides all the extra weight for so many years probably made it age faster inside, so now I have to take good care of it. And I will. My resolution is to exercise more (at least walk more), eat less fat, and keep sugar and alcohol under the limit my body will admit, which I have now discovered, so that's a good thing. One beer instead of 2 or 3, one piece of chocolate instead of 4, etc.

Anyway, back to the past few days, work has been more or less ok. Still the same old boring crap, but I've realized and finally started to accept that if the big bosses don't care about us, why should I waste my energy caring? I read in the newspaper that they're going to sell the call-center because they find it doesn't make them earn enough money, and while they keep demanding stuff from us, they never do their own job, so fuck them. I'm doing the minimum to keep my job: inform people when I have the information, transfer the calls that need to be trasferred, be polite, and that's it. They can shove their "protocole (sp?)" and "corporate language" up their asses if they want, I'm past caring, and this new attitude is helping me a lot. I'm more relaxed, have more energy after work, I'm in a much better mood... I can even find some asshole callers funny. Like this one nutcase who kept calling last week, impersonating different people who didn't exist and then threatening to report us to the police because we couldn't find these names in our database. HA! They tracked her down and the bosses reported HER to the police! Let's see what happens next.

Last Friday I had the Xmas dinner with my workmates. I got there 45 minutes late and hating myself for it. One more resolution to add to the list: quit being always late! I got this bad habit from my ex-friend Ruth, and I can't seem to get rid of it now... Anyway, dinner was nice, I got to see some old workmates that I hadn't seen in 1 year (remember we're in two groups, each in one office at one different end of the city). I also got the answer to what I already suspected: Angel, my crush from last year, has quit the job and is now dating Sara, one of our workmates. I suspected it when Sara told me she and Angel had bought a chihuahua. You don't share a dog with someone who's just a friend, there has to be more. But thankfully I'm over my crush on Angel, so I'm ok. Maybe even close to happy for them. Well, at least I have to admit she's more suitable for him than I would be.

For my part I still have a crush on *A*. I saw him last Sunday at work. He was really nice, his usual funny self, and one of the times I went outside for a coffee I had trouble opening the door and he came running from the other end of the room (a rather large room) just to open the door for me. How sweet! I don't think he likes me, though, at least not in a romantic way, but I know for sure that he likes me as a person, and that¡s the base of a potential friendship, so it's good. Whether I date him or not, I'd definitely like to have him as a friend. Oh, and I investigated a little and found out he's younger than I thought. He actually just turned 26! I would have sworn he was about 30 or so! He's definitely more mature than guys his age.

What else... it's also been ages since I last had a Finnish class. Last Friday the teacher was sick, the Friday before that I skipped just because I was lazy, and I think the Friday before I also skipped for some reason, although I don't remember right now. No, wait, it was a holiday. And I suspect there's no class next week either... but I need to call to make sure. I've been working on my Finnish on my own, though, so that's good.

On the friends front, now that Judith has free phone calls we talk more than ever...lol. I've also seen Cristina a couple of times for a little shopping and to exchange our Xmas presents (that was yesterday). I gave her a CSI game for the computer she's getting for Xmas and she gave me a lovely necklace and a macramé bracelet she did herself.

At home things have been more or less the same. My dad went to Italy for a few days, he does that sometimes when he's stressed out, he just gets a cheap flight and goes away. It does him a lot of good. He came back in a much better mood, so that's great. My aunt had a weird problem with one of her feet: one day it started to hurt like hell, it was all swollen, she could barely walk, so she went to the doctor and got it checked out. The doctor ran some tests or something and made her go back a few days later. By then, the pain was all gone, like it never happened. The doctor said it was one of her toes who just up and died. Weird stuff! It's called something like ostheonecrosis (sp?). The doctor assured her it's not dangerous, the toe will just be crooked but won't bother or hurt her in any way.

Other than that, I've just been reading a lot (mostly chick lit, I absolutely love it!), doing crafts, and shopping for myself in-between Xmas presents. I got myself some cd's, books, perfume (I fell in love with Kate Moss's perfume and perfumes in general), makeup... I bought the weirdest nail polish, Le Magnétique, by Lancôme. It has iron particles in it, so when you paint your nails, you put them near the magnet that comes with the polish and the iron particles arrange themselves into a star-like pattern. It looks a little like a hologram star on each nail. It's a bit expensive but very unique, I love it!

On Tuesday my mom and I went to Lacrimas Profundere + Apocalyptica's concert. We got there late, but there were still at least 150 people waiting outside, yet by the time everyone was inside the show had already started. We still enjoyed Lacrimas Profundere, actually my mom likes them more than I do, so she was really happy to see them live. I mostly enjoyed when they played "Sarah Lou" and "Ave End", my favorites of their songs. When they ended, the singer said they'd be hanging out at the merchandising stand after the show, so my mom and I went there just in case he meant they'd be there while Apocalyptica played. They didn't show up, but at least we found we had a better view of the stage from there, so that was good. Apocalyptica came on stage and did their usual headbanging show, playing their cellos or whatever those instruments are called, sitting on their thrones... it was good, but we left after about 6 songs because as good as they may be, after a while it gets kind of boring, it all sounds the same. My mom was there only to see Lacrimas, and I had already seen Apocalyptica a couple of years ago, so that was ok. I needed to sleep anyway, I had had a terrible day at work. This said, the concert somehow relaxed me, so it was good.

So, work was horrible on Tuesday. The only good thing was when we did the Secret Santa thing, that day we got, at random, the name of the person we should secretly buy a gift for. I was hoping I'd get *A*, my crush, and YES, I got him!

But the rest of the day sucked. People being rude, and all the usual. I ended up with a major headache and I cried on the way back home. I couldn't help it. But after feeling sorry for myself for half an hour I switched to my ain't taking no shit mode and yesterday was better. I just cut the crap and made people go straight to the point.

Yesterday afternoon I went shopping. I bought Christmas presents for my parents, and a few cd's and books for myself. I planned on buying more Christmas presents for more people, but I was too tired, I'll go on Saturday instead...

Today is a holiday, so I stayed home. It did me a lot of good! I relaxed, did my usual stuff online, made 6 new bracelets, read, watched tv, threw away some junk, etc. I also called my cousin, as he turns 21 today. Gosh, I still remember the day he was born, when my mom woke me up and told me my aunt had had a baby boy, and I was all "damn, I wanted her to have a girl!" But hey, I was only 8...lol. Time flies, it seems like it was yesterday.