karo_xxo , 20

Hey,
well yesterday after my entry I tried to get some rest, but all I could do was lay in bed and think. Why is it that when I'm at school all I want to do is sleep, but when I'm at home and can actually get some much needed rest, I can't seem to fall asleep? It sucks!

Anyway, after that Kyle texted me a few times and I asked if we had a new english assignment to do, since the teacher had said she was maybe gonna give us one today. But I guess she decided to give us the five-day weekend to ourselves! (yay![:)]) That's always fun to hear! But we apparently have a new assigment in human services (great..not!) I'm really starting to hate that class because we have a bunch of assignments and we have to present them infront of the whole class.. Seeing as how I'm french and I hate my accent,I don't exactly jump of joy at the thought of having to speak infront of a whole class.

Other than that.. I guess my night was pretty boring, I did nothing but relax and watch tv, but it felt so nice to be able to just "chill out" .. After that I decided to get some journals [:)].

... About the whole Kyle thing , it's still bothering me. I work today from 3pm until 12 am, he wanted to come sleep over after but I may tell him that I'd rather spend the night alone. He might not take that very well, since he's saying how much he hopes he can come over tonight after work, blahblahblah. Why is he so attached? Why am I not attached? Maybe I miss the whole "getting treated badly" thing? he doesn't give me anything to fight for..Some girls would do anything to have a carring boyfriend, yet here I am complaining about it. Meh.

Tonight should be fun, Frank works and so does Dylan [:)]. Frank works at tims (For the people who are new, I work at Esso; Gas station. And in the gas station we have a tims and a subway!) and its alwys fun when he works because we can talk when it's not busy. And well as for Dylan, he promised me a free sub! [:P] haaha.

One thing I'm unhappy about is because I have to work until midnight , I will miss ; Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice & the vampire diaries [:(] I'll have to watch them tomorrow on the internet and that sucks! Sometimes the quality is bad, or it freezes so I have to restart it all over again ! Ugh , oh well, better than nothing.

Oh, one more thing before I go.. Kyle wants me to go over tomorrow to meet his mom, What do I say to that? I don't even know if I want this to last, so I definatly don't really want to meet his mother .. Ahh, I don't know, why can't my thoughts just be clear for once? Sometimes I feel like I want to leave him, other times I want him to be around and cuddle..

Well I suppose I should go do some laundry and get ready for work. Sorry if the entry is a little long, I tend to talk quite a bit on here lately.. but it’s the only place I can go to and vent about nothing & everything. I'll get some journals before work & the rest after [:)] take care everybody!

- Karoline .

Hey,
well .. I must be a really confusing person because I find myself confused all the time.. I don't understand myself 90% of the time, do you?

I read my sisters entry yesterday about how theres many things that the guy shes dating does that ticks her off.. And that made me think about me and Kyle right away, there are so many ways that I can tell hes one year younger than me, so many things that ticks me off that he does.. little things. But its like I'm telling myself that I've faught so hard to keep us together that we should stay together.. Had I been fighting to keep US together or piss off Jenna even more?

After losing Haillie as my bestfriend, it's like I kind of have this hate towards Kyle.. I can't talk to him about it because its like if he only reads between the lines. I also can't talk to him about how much he smothers me because that would leave him to get all mad & blahblahblah... but holy, does he ever smother me lately!! He just texted me like 6 times within 5 minutes without me answering once.. Nevermind, make that 7 times, he just did it again.. It's exhausting, maybe we were better off appart? Maybe were better off this way..

But I dont feel for him like I felt for Rob when Rob and I started seeing eachother, I only had eyes for him & I wanted him to smother me. It's not the same with Kyle,..at all ! We rushed things, and if I tell him I want a break to figure my stuff out, I don't know if I will want to give it another shot..

Frank (guy from my work) texts me all the time to see how I'm doing, and it's like if I'm getting attached to that.. I'm obviously phisically & mentally attracted to him, I mean hes 20 (turning 21 very soon!) and it shows, he's mature, french (bonus) and hes there when I need him, besides we always laugh together at work.. Whats that suposed to mean?

I'm so confused, and tired..
I need a nap.

- Karoline .

[font=gulim]Hope you guys notice that I'll be doing alot of "tattoo talk" [:P].. I've become obessed ! But yeah ,I want to know if you guys want to know anyone that has a tattoo on their ribs, what was yours/their experience like? I'm so looking forward to the pain now, hahah weird huh ? What can I say!

Okay okay, I know you're all wondering what happened between me and Kyle.. well I'll take the blame for this one because I've been a bitch lately.. to everyone! With the whole "Haillie & Jenna being ignorant" to me , I let it get the best of me and took it out on Kyle. Anyway, he had enough (I don't blame him) but like an hour after breaking up we already couldnt bare not having eachother to turn to.. this morning at school, we didnt even need to talk, the bell rang and he gave me the biggest hug, held me tight and kissed me . I'm glad, because I really needed him around.. and as for me, I no longer take him for granted, it was bitchy of me.

As for Haillie and Jenna ... I deserve better, they weren't happy to see me be with someone who obviously treats me amazingly well and I am happy with. So were no longer talking.. Jenna was mocking me in first period today, lets just say I decided to be mature about it and not say a word, instead of going up to her and punching her in the face (it took alot throughout the day to hold me back!) But I'm happy, like really really happy.. and I deserve it!!

ANYWAYS, last but not least, I made an appointment with my guidance counseller (at school) and we talked about College.. I'm gonna attend "Oulton" for child and youth care worker [:)] the course is 12 000$ but hey, its what I want to do with my life so why not ? I'm gonna send my application sometime throughout this week or the next, the sooner the better![:)]..

Kyle came over after school, I'm glad we could pick up to where we left off! We both have a test in math tomorrow and theres one thing i didnt understand but he helped me and now i'm sure I'll pass the test.. Confidence is the key to alot of things in life ! [:P]

grocery shopping time, woohooo! goodnight (for some of you, good morning/evening/afternoon) ! xo

- Karoline.
[/font]

[font=Gulim]Well to start off, I'll make one thing clear.. I've wanted that tattoo for a while, and I had thought about doing it on my ribs but I was afraid of the pain. so I decided to get it done on my forearm, the only reason why I decided to do it on my ribs instead is because I shouldn't care about the pain and its better that way, so I can hide it easily and it's better career wise.

As for Kyle.. hearring everybody say that we rushed things is kind of getting to my head. Maybe we did? We were so sure it would work, now I'm feeling a little unsure, but he cares so much about me... ugh ...

confusion sucks.

-Karoline.

UPDATE;
my boyfriend is now my ex, his decision, not mine. fml.[/font]

[font=gulim]Hey !
Well, its been a few days since my last entry, but thats because of school & work! I'll try to make this entry somewhat short cause I'm starving! hahah

Anyways, I changed my mind about my tattoo.. well the spot where I want to get it done, I dont want it on my forearm because I was thinking and I want a career with kids, so that may be hard if I have a tattoo that shows (although I could wear long sleeves) .. I dont know, we'll see.. But I'm pretty sure I'm getting it done on my ribs.. So its gonna be a rose coming up my ribs and its gonna say
let it be" .. More expensive, thats for sure, probably actually looking at double the price. AND more painful, but oh well ..

Everyone tells me if I get pregnant it may stretch, but my friend knows people who got pregnant with tattoos there, and it only stretched a little or not at all .. and if it only stretches a litle, its easy to touch up.. do you guys know anyone , or any advice to tell me ?

Anyways , I worked 4pm-12am last night with two people I already knew , it was fun! [:)] .. In our store we have a tims and subway, and i knew someone who worked last night in subway and someone who worked in tims.. so it was like chilling with a bunch of friends [:P] . Anyways, I pumped gas for the first time in my life last night hahah I was so scared to put diesel in a regular. oh dear , but I did well!

Also, Private practice was thursday night,who watched it ? it was friggen GOOD !!! perhaps the best season premiere ever ! [<3] .

Anyways, my stomach wont stop yelling at me, guess I should get going, take care xo .
- Karoline !

Update!;
I dont know if anyone will read this , or if anyone will take the time to respond, but it would be greatly appreciated.
Okay, well I've been going out with Kyle for roughly 3 weeks .. and ever since then I felt like my friends were drifting away more and more.. but these past two days it shows, alot.. I tried talking to Haillie about it, but she said things are fine, but yet she always says that, even when she doesn't mean it! Anyways, I really needed to see Kyle last night because I knew it would make me feel better, he promised me he'd come to work to see me.... and at like 7 I asked when he was coming, he said he didnt know , at 10 he texted me saying he was wasted as hell at a party.. like what the fuck? I needed him and he had promised. Anyway, tonight we were talking and I told him about Haillie and how theyve been a little ignorant and I dont know if I want to lose two friends, or if I want to hold onto two friends that dont seem to be there for me as much, and know what he said ? "well, get some sleep! I'll talk to you tomorrow xo night" .. once again, I needed him to be there for me and offline he goes.. I dont know if I'm overreacting (Cause I havent had a good night sleep in about 2-3 months) or what it is .. hmm ?[/font]