[font=century gothic]Hiii [:)]
Uhmm , I'm gonna start off by saying I just found out like an hour ago that I have a job interview at my favorite restaurant tomorrow [:D] (St-Hubert) .. so woooo for that [:)].

Second, Ginette (Chris' mom) msgd me last night on facebook chat.. (she always msgs me when shes online, haha she adores me!!) She asked what was going on and I just told her that after Chris broke up with Jenny he blocked me and I havent spoken to him since. and she was like "well I know after they broke up he told me hes confused because he likes you but she wants him back " blah blah blah.. and then she said "he said hes giving her one last chance, what happens after that , we will have to wait and see" and I was like "well .. I already know that if they do break up again, I wont be here waiting for him .. he hurt me this time and he really should have explained instead of just blocking me out.. he left me waiting & wondering after I've been constantly there for him for three damn months. no I'm sorry but he lost what ever chance hes ever had with me" that made her sad because she REALLY wanted Chris to go for me [:P] shes such a cutie! She's mad at him apparently because he even told HER that he knew I was better for him .. and he still chose her ..

Anyway.. I still havent changed my mind, I dont care what happens, he practically stood me up. He led me on for 3 months begging for me to stay when I shouldnt even have waited a WEEK !! once again, his loss. [/font]

[font=century gothic] Hi !
First of all , I gotta say , you guys are amazing subbies !! [<3]

Second, this is gonna sound extremly weird & its gonna sound like I think I'm "all that" (wich I don't haha [:P]) . But I amaze myself so much. Every single time I thought about giving up on Chris I'd break down in tears. and now that it's actually happening.. I couldn't be any happier. I know it sounds weird, but when I was with Rob people were telling me left & right I shouldn't be with him & that I deserved MUCH better (wich by the way , now looking back at it , they were all extremely right!) This time , people told me the same thing, and I was actually taking things into considerations ,I didn't want to FACE it.. because I mean , he made everything sound so much better.. but the last time when I had told him I was done , it took alot of his begging for me to go back to him. and this time i know hes not coming back.

You know what ? when I say its his loss , I mean it so much. I'm an amazing girl , sure I've got flaws, but don't we all.. Sure I've made mistakes , but haven't we all ? Isn't that what the biggest part of living is ? making mistakes and knowing right from wrong ?

I know he was wrong for me , thank god it didnt take me as many months to realise as it did with Rob. Chris was so childish, always seeking for attention , putting things such as "i hate myself and want to die" , or things like "they'll find me dead on the bathroom floor " I know its a cry for help , but i mean.. he actually enjoys the shitty life..

I have friends & family who loves me , who would do anything to make sure i wouldn't get hurt.. and when I would get hurt , they'd be there to pick me up , with a good "girls night out" . I wont ever take that for granted but I'll forever cherrish it.

I swear, I have THE most amazing family .. and the most incredible friends!! [:)] [/font]

[font=Century Gothic] Well ,apparently waiting , carring & wanting someone for three months doesn't matter. Being there for them at all times , apparently means nothing at all .

I would've written this entry yesterday, but I was in rough shape.

In the last entry , I said that Jenny & Chris were on the verge of breaking up since things were really bad! She was sick of him not being there for her & not being the boyfriend she wanted ,.. he was sick of her not being the girlfriend he wanted. They fought & argued all the time , went to parties without each other ALL the time. As you can tell , it was a really fucked up relationship ..

Chris had TOLD ME to wait for him. So , guess what ? I DID!!!!! Few days ago , Chris broke up with Jenny (came home from the mall and its the first thing I saw when I signed on facebook). Since Jenny had told me the night before that she wanted to break up with him , I thought she had made the move , so I sent Chris an inbox msg asking him if he was okay & I was here if he wanted to talk . Never got a reply ,he wasnt online (wich is VERY unusual of him) but I could see that his nickname was " [ChRiS] I hate myself and I want to die..." (yeah he gets really childish sometimes). So I was like wth is going on ? Hes been wanting it to end for the past month, why wasn't he happy ? he could be with me , with the person he said he knew would fight harder to keep the pieces together , to make him happy. And hes right, I would've done all of that,.. ANYWHO .. later on I found out HES the one who broke up with HER wich made even less sence, since he was so down about it but yet he was the one that had made the move? :s..

Anyways , I found out it was because after breaking up with her he realised that she was upset & actually did care (FUCK YOU BOTH !!!!!) So now they're hanging out again , trying to get back together , oh wait til you hear THIS part!!! HAHHAH He blocked ME off msn , why ? you may ask ? HAHHA (I wasnt actually laughing then ,trust me..) He blocked me because he wants things to work out between them & doesnt want me to come in between them... LMAO.. Sorry I fucken spent the past 3 months of my life TRYING to HELP YOU.. fucken AAAAAAAAAAASSHOLE!!!!!!!!

omg I cried like I did when Rob and I split up .. I REALLY friggen cared about Chris.. but you know what , I think he did me a favor , cuz I would've never had the strength to let him go myself. now that I dont have a choice, it'll make it that much "easier".. I deleted him from facebook , but left him on msn in case he decides to ever unblock me so I can hear his apology [:D] fucken asshole... cant believe he did this.. telling me to wait for him ? then throwing me at the curb for that piece of shit relationship?
HIS LOSS [/font]

My gosh I have got to be the worst subby on earth.. I guess getting caught up with work doesn't leave you much of a life outside of work.

Well , I know I've said this many times about past jobs, but I'm quitting..the only way I can keep my job is if i work nights , wich I started last night, and I already have a hard time catching up. when I worked nights at Super Store it was hell, I felt sick all the time.. so yeah , I guess I'm on a search for a new job :S !

Well..I had my alarm clock to wake up at 8 pm , but from like 12pm til 5:30pm I kept waking up every 20 minutes or so, since I got fed up at 5:30 I went online and Chris and I talked. Things are amazingly well between him and I since we decided to get off each others back.. and we were able to talk about him and Jenny ! To be honest, I REALLY think (and I mean it this time) hes done withh er... Hes trying to quit smoking ( [:D][:D] FINALLY !!!!!!! [:D][:D]) and well ,he's still strugling. but omg is he ever getting better, He went from smoking 3/4 of a pack per day to 4 smokes. Hes REALLY trying !!!! [:)]!

Last night they hung out , and she kept pissing him right off , telling him to "shut the fuck up" .. poor him, hes really fed up! I really hope hes gonna give up, not because I want to be with him , but because he deserves better... honestly , he's going through alot with quitting smoking, his mom going to jail on the 14th (yeah , long story...shes really sweet & adores me , but its really tearring him appart that shes leaving). Shes making everything worst for him, and I can really tell he's fed up .. he has a thing about having a hard time being the one to break things off.. but i think he actually will this time! Good for him [:)].

Patience is the key to everything , Chris taught me that. and Finally.. I can see how much hes right. I may finally get what I've been waiting for , his health to get better.. (wich by the way, he says hes been having less trouble breathing[:)]) Ahh ! things are good [:)].

Well .. the cleaning part of my resolution has started great ! My whole room is clean..except the top part of my closet , but I mean, don't everybody (or almost) have a messy closet?

Lately I feel alone, I feel abandoned.. by every friend I had! The only person whos still constantly there for me is Chris, wich makes it hard for me to give up on him. I need him right now & he needs me . Talking about Chris.. his mother adores me (wich I think is cute.. but didnt want him to know because i didnt want him to think i'm trying to "win-over" his mother... since shes the one thats always talking to me[:P]" apparently she called him tonight ,and she started talking about me..And she wouldnt stop saying how I'm a sweetheart ,and that he should be with me ... :| he thought it was really cute that she adores me.. Thank god ! Didn't want him to take it the wrong way.

K well , did you guys ever feel so alone/abandoned.. that something as simple as a cat/dog/bird (ect) would bright everything up ? well.. that's the reason I want a kitten/cat! I found one , a female ! RIGHT cute.. fixed, free.. they would bring her here with her food, litter box & toys... I wouldnt have to pay for anything other than stuff for litter & food.. and my dad STILL said no.. He says there are already two cats in the house. So what ? He wont have to pay a THING!!!!!
OMG ,not just that , he signed on msn earlier and i told him whats been going on lately ,why i needed that cat , that ive been through hell and back and that im really upset , what did he do ? signed off and never even came to talk to me ! THANKS VERY FUCKEN MUCH FATHER!!!

I'm so angry with everybody.. keep abandoning me, dont know how much more of this bullshit i can take !