karo_xxo , 20

Hi ,
thanks to the kiwis who responded in my last entry [:)]...thought nobody would respond since I left for a while.

Today I talked to Chris and well .. we fought because I'm sick of him giving me guilt trips just because I realised that yes, I care for him.. but.. I deserve better! He's getting angry because his guilt trips aren't working anymore..sometime he goes far and I start to fall back in, but then I stand my ground and repeat to myself there is better out there.. someone who would actually care alot for me .. someone I have yet to find [:P]..

uhmmm... so that means i'm already working on my new year resolutions (Self Respect).. so yay me !! [:)] ..plus tomorrow I'm gonna clean my whole room (off work for two days)so theres another thing off my list I'm gonna work on [:)]..

Anyways ,I came home from work early tonight because I feel sick. [:(]I hope I'm not gonna get whats been going around !! I'll try to get a few journals before going to bed for the night [<3]. xx

hey,
last entry was a while ago (sorry!).. But I had such a hard time with kiwibox, after a while I just stopped bothering with it .

Alots been going on since my last entry, I found a job! I work in a nursing home, taking care of old people.. it's uhm... different but you get used to all of the "gross" stuff ! I actually like my job, just not the staff ! I'll explain about that some other time ..

K so, you're probably all wondering where things are with Chris.. told him last night I'm not waiting any longer, him & Jenny are still together and I dont want to be someones "second choice" I want & deserve to be his first.. since She's his first, then I'll find someone else !It's actually hard cuz we hung out more & whatnot... but hey, I'm doing this for myself, and I'll follow through with it ,this time !!

I sold my birds yesterday, they were making way too much mess in my room..and since I want flooring instead of carpet.. I sold them ! they wouldnt let me sleep anyway , so hey.. it's for the best!! I talked to my dad last night and I might get a kitten, a very young one so he/she would get used to me and all [:)]..

Uhmm.. that's all I can think of to update [:P] ! I'll get some journals , p.s sorry for being a bad subby[:(]!

Before I forget, here are my 2009 Resolutions!;
1.Be Healthy; Stop eating too much "junk" & only have
fast food every now & then. Drink more water.
2.Respect Myself More; Stop "settling" for less than
what I deserve, Not put myself down so easy.
3.Control Anger; Weigh the facts before getting angry
over little things.
4.Have Patience; Don't lose my patience easy. Breathe
in & out.
5.Keep My Things Clean; Make sure my room is CLEAN,
don't leave things "lying" around for no reason. Bring
glasses / plates down in the kitchen next time I go
downstairs.
6.Try To Keep My Job; If needed to quit, do everything in my power to keep the job.
7.Help Around The House; Unload the dishwasher, ect..
8.Lose Weight; Go down to ATLEAST 130-135 lbs.
9.Find Hobbies; Outside of work. Such as; Painting,
Drawing, Reading more, ect..
10.Stop Unnecessary Spending; Stop spending money
On things I dont need. (Make a savings acount if
needed).
11.Quit Procrastinating; When I have something to do,
don't procrastinate, do it Right Away!

[font=dotum] found this yesterday , I thought people may like it.. it's not the best quality , but it's twilight[<3]

click HERE [:D]

[font=dotum] Okay it's the fifth freakin time I write this entry , my kiwibox is really fucked up :S.. I tried going on yesterday & the night I wrote my last entry and it would freeze the whole computer.. if it keeps going like this I might just keep a written journal instead.. jeeeezz .. lol

my dad did forget to go get "Eclipse" & "Breaking Dawn" but he went & got them later on that night [:)].. I'm only at the page 236 of Eclipse (third book in the twilight series[<3]).. but I have a feeling I'll have that book done by tomorrow, it's getting so interesting !!

K so, I heard that the New Moon movie is only gonna come out in 2010 [:(].. I was hoping for like I don't know , next summer ?? ugh, I'm VERY impatient!! :p..

Thank god I save everything I write, now onto the SIXTH time of writting this goddamn entry.. ah Kiwibox, you piss me off [:)].

Oh I probably should mention that I called Stitches monday when I got back and he said they had one more interview so hes gonna call me this weekend.. I have a job interview tomorrow at 2 [:)] its at a nursing home, I'd work night shift (11-7) my friend works there and apparently the people there are RIGHT nice.

[font=Dotum]Ahh , I know , I've been a Horrible subby and I'm so so sorry..

I got back from Fredericton last night. Not sure if I mentionned that I finished the second book (new moon) anyhow, it was really good, well..actually that's a lie, it was good but only towards the end, I was really disapointed in the rest. I Mean, the book itself is really good, I'm just disapointed about what happened , but the end gave me hope again [:)].

My dad and I made a deal, hes gonna go buy me the third book (Eclipse) and maybe even the fourth (Breaking Dawn) today, if he gets home and my room is all clean (it was a disaster LOL) he's gonna give me the book(s)..[:)] Well, guess what, I woke up early and cleaned all of it [:D]..& watch this , hes gonna get home and wont have the book(s) (he forgets alot *rolls eyes*) ..

Ok so, you guys haven't heard about Chris in a while eh [:)].. Well! we talked yesterday , and he was surprisingly in such a good mood.. I thought it was because of Jenny, and I didn't want to hear "were doing GREAT" so I waited til I asked . I wasn't going to ask, but it was amazing in how much of a good mood he was, so I just had to [:P]. He said that he realised he needs to try harder to be happy, and that hes not giving up [:)]. made me smile, then he (ONCE AGAIN) thank me for being the only one there for him lately & that I've helped him alot..

Anyways, I was randomly like "could you do me a favor maybe?" and he was like "Sure[:)]! Anything!![:)]" (see how happy he is :| its actually somewhat scary [:P] but I love it!!) and then I was like "come see twilight with me??" (he doesnt want to see that movie AT ALL) and then he was like "sure, at my next pay??[:)]" hehe !! [:)].. but then when he left, later on he came back online..so I was like "I thought you didn't want to see twilight ? " and he was like "I'll just get wasted" that really took everything away from me , how could he say that ? I mean, can't he just spend ONE night without being drunk/wasted? I mean, I know thats how he is, with everybody.. but whatever , I was like "well, if you don't want to go that much, I guess I could always find someone else to come with me" and hes like " no no , you know i always get wasted, its not because of the movie " and I was like "thats the point, two hours without being wasted would not kill you" and then he was like "okay then i wont drink" and then I was like "well thats beside the point now.. " he didnt understand what I meant, but I didn't bother explaining..

I'm not gonna let it bother me , he can come with me at his next pay if he wants, if he shows up wasted, I'll know that he can't even make an effort, if he shows up sober, it'll make me extremely happy.

well theres still a few things lying on my bed, I should clean that out, shower & eat... I'll get journals tonight, tomorrow (at the latest) because if my dad gets home with the books, knowing me I'll go in my room all night reading them , although Chris wanted me to come online tonight, well, I may not. Let him feel that I'm a little disapointed, maybe I'm overreacting ? but seriously , it bothers me ! oh and I'm drinking with him, Rachel, Jeremy, Rob, Jess , Justin, Tyler & Krystal on saturday [:)].

<3 xo.