karo_xxo , 20

[font=Dotum]Hey ,
First off I want to answer a question someone asked in yesterdays entry, asked why Chris is gonna die in 3 years (if not less). Ok well Chris smokes alot and like a month ago he got rushed to the hospital because something was wrong with him; his lungs. Turns out only 25% of his lungs are working right now and they'll keep shutting down until he stops smoking and gets better... If he doesnt stop smoking, doctors give him 3 years to live. The girlfriend hes with right now parties all the time and that stresses him out, so causes him to smoke more.. If you need me to explain more, I will in tomorrows entry [:P].

Chris didn't leave Jenny, Him and I talked yesterday, I think it was the best conversation we've ever had because we were 100% honest with each other ( not that we usually lie to each other, but we hide things we don't feel comfortable saying, and yesterday it all came out ). and it was great, at one point I told him how I felt about him, Jenny and his smoking..and he was like "It's really a shame you had to meet me when I'm taken" and I was like "whats that suposed to mean ?" and he was like "im faithful to my gf's when I have one, but you seem to be the kind of girl I'd want around , plus I dont even think Jenny and I will survive another month" so really , all I can do is stick around and show him that I'll always be here , as long as he wants me around or needs me around. and I told him that I'd be here for everything & anything until he doesn't want me around and he was like "well then I guess you're sticking around for a hell of a long time[:P]" [:)]..

I have to go get ready though, interview at the mall in two hours [:)] OH , I dyed my hair last night [:P] its a bit darker.. and theres a shade of red in it [:)].. it's cute!

take care everyone, I'm going home around 5-6 pm, I'll get journals then, I promise! xx [<3]..

[font=Dotum] Hey ..
Chris came over last night (at Rachels) and he was right drunk.. I was so disapointed , He kept smoking and whatnot..
well I guess him and Jenny didn't break up, so there goes my hopes eh.. they'll never fucken break up .

I dont know we got along so great last night [:(]... I dont even know what to say, I'm still at Rachels..

Hes gonna die in three years, and I know I'll miss him bunches , but I mean, I'm trying everything in my power to stop him from smoking , but what can I do ? does anyone have an idea how I could help him ?? dont say the patch, he just wont put it on . lol

[font=Dotum]Hi there :)
thanks to LivingAgain I know how to have my own fonts on here [:)] hehe ,so thank you again!! [:P]

I want to apologize , I know yesterday's entry was a little chaotic (sp?), I kept "editing" it [:P].. haa oops! oh, and I'll have shoutouts at the bottom of this entry [:)], so make sure to check those out (only if you want, of course! [:P]).

I haven't seen Jessica's baby girl yet, Autumn. But I think I'm going to today [:)]. I saw pictures , she's so chubby but adorable [:P]. so I can't wait for that [:)] hehe.

I'm more than likely going to be a godmother [:)].. The godmother Rachel & Jeremy chose for Madison only visited her once, and she doesn't even ask for news, plus Rachel really wants me to be the godmother, I spoil and love that little girl like my own [<3]. So that makes me even happier !! [:)]

Ok, now this paragraph may be a little longer than the others , guess who it's about [;)]! hehe, yep , you guessed it , my cat! .. haha not really , [:P] it's about Chris ! I mentionned that he's depressed eh? Anyways ,he comes on , down and angry as usual (not towards me, but I can always feel the "tension" or wtv [:P]) so I asked him what was wrong.. and he said that he's had it with Jenny (his gf). I think they were suposed to hang out last night and tonight, well he waited online for her last night and she was a no show. then today she never called , so he did , I guess she's out partying. He told her he hates that she always goes out to party with random people, but yet she doesn't seem to care really how he feels at all .

Anyways ,he told me what I wrote on the bottom of my entry yesterday, and oh my god [<3] did that ever make me happy! [:)].. Not only that ,he was actually happy tonight !! we talked and it was so strange to see him happy as ever! I loved every minute of it + knowing I'm the main reason he's happy [:)]..
It was so cute because he had to go pick up Tyler (his cousin , but they're like bestfriends) so he told me he would be back, and that I "better be online when he gets back[;)]", he never said that before , so I was like "jeez , yes sir! :|" haha and he was like "yay[:)]" seriously ,this is not like him, he sounds right happy, and I love it! Plus he said a few times (again) how much he appreciates my being there for him.. So I think this is going fairly well [:)] do you ?

Well I don't want to make this entry any longer, I should really go shower & get ready to go to Rachels [:)] I miss them so much already, I dont think I've ever had such a good friend though, Rachel has a daughter and she still finds a way to be there for me, and I love that! so I'll write the shoutouts & go get ready [:)] p.s I'm pretty positive Chris is going over at Rachels today [:)] hehe !! [<3] I told him I was going and that he should come too if he wanted to and he said that he will most likely come over & put a smile at the end!! [:D] hehe [:)] I never thought I'd be able to feel this good again , not after Rob (first love/ex).

take care everyone, have a great weekend (in case I can't write an entry tomorrow) [:)] xx [<3].

Edit!;
so , I'm fucken done.. Jenny is over at Chris' right now , and they're not breaking up , I'm done trying, I'm done carring.. I'm running on very few hours of sleep and all I wanted was for Chris to do the right thing , but its tearring me appart , so he lost the "only person" who gives a damn about him.. its her or me, and obviously he chose her (even though he has no clue of this) I'm fucken done.. if he comes on tomorrow and tells me its over then good , if its not over , then I'm done trying.. fuck it all .

Edit #2!;
Thanks to sugar_xxx I dont think I'm gonna give up completely , but it IS really hard to feel like im constantly competing with her and I KNOW im better. But truth is, yesterday he told me he wants to leave her , he just doesnt know how.. maybe hes gonna hang out with her and act like hes not interested to make HER leave HIM ? Ugh, I dont know .

ShoutOuts;
LivingAgain: no problem [:)] I love subbying and reading new journals , although sometimes it is hard to catch up on what I've missed. She sure is a big baby, she's chubby & beautiful [:)]. Thanks I hope I'll get the job [:P]
megabyte_me: I love the name too [:)] , Cohen is also a sweet name for a boy , that's what she would've named her baby if it would have been a boy [:P].
AbstractEyes: haha yeah I'm quite surrounded by babies aren't I ? [:P] Oh well , I'm loving it [:)]. & Like you said , when it'll be my time, I will have a whole lot of experience! so that's always good! I used to shop there all the time too [:P] so I hope to get the job [:)] hehe ! You don't understand how happy it makes me when I get responses about how sweet I am with Chris & like I said in todays entry, he sure does appreciate it [:)].
Sugar_xxx: Yeah it was quite hilarious [:P], some people looked at me funny though, since I was walking her around in my arms and Rachel was in walmart with the stroller, they were probably like "she cant even afford a stroller!" haha they can BITE ME [:)]. thanks , I really hope to get the job!!
spike5793: I'm sure you'll change your mind once your baby gets here, if not theres always adoption ? Her baby is very healthy & beautiful [:)] and the song is Don't go away-BuckCherry. Love that band + the singer is gooooorgeous [;)].
x_iloveyou_o: I love it [:)] I'm always uploading my journal to see if anybody "new" wrote [:)] hehe ! I'm such a loser ! lol Autumn sure is a big baby , all I saw so far is pictures, and she sure is a beautiful chubby one [<3] [:)]. I agree though, Cohen definatly is a nice name , she got it from "Seth Cohen" (The O.C) lol! [:P] 10lbs 9oz??? HOLY , that must have hurt!!!!!! :| & what you said about me and Chris made me so happy [:)].. hehe I really think it's gonna be happening though , "us"!!! [<3] so wish me luck hehe [;)], he's amazing! [<3] And theres no doubt in my mind I'd make him happier than his current gf does!! (I already do [;)] and he points it out alot!! [:D]) .
VixenSoul: I know eh [:P] Madison (Rachels baby) was 7lbs & 4oz (I THINK)..

First off , thanks to everyone who takes time to read & respond to my journal ,I'm sure you all know the "yay , someone responded[:)]" feeling! [:P], or am I the only one?? hahaha .

Anywho ,starting off about my day yesterday. Woke up, went online and Rachel had asked me if I wanted to go to the mall with her and Jess (not Robs gf, another one , she has a 10 month old daughter named Kyra[:)]) and I said yes , so we all walked to the mall together, I felt kinda left out since they both had strollers and.. yea , you get the point [:P], I'm baby-less! But I'm SO happy that way!! lol I wouldnt want to have a baby to take care of atm, I wanna enjoy life as it is.. But props to all those young women taking care of your baby, you're all doing such a great job! [:)]

Anyways, I was walking around the mall with Madison in my arms while Rachel and Jessica went into walmart (I was trying to wake Madison up so that she will sleep more durring the night, well that didnt work out[:P]. Everyone was asking me how old she is and I'd say "five weeks[:)]", most of them we're like "wow you look GREAT for someone who just had a baby!" I was like "Oh , no no , she's not mine" LOL! it was quite entertaining.. most of the people would actually stop to come see her [:P].

Anyways, we took the bus home cuz it was getting REALLY cold, too cold for Madison & Kyra. My dad picked me up at Rachels and I came home & went online.. Chris was on [:)] hehe , we talked ,and joked around like complete fools.. I love how I can tell him anything and he wont take it the wrong way.. He's depressed though, and at one point he started talking bad about what kind of person he is. well , I was like "okay then, if you think you're SUCH a horrible person, you should be able to name some of your flaws right now" and he was like "uhmm....uhmmm..." I was like "Exactly , now , don't make me name all the good stuff about you because I swear we'll be here for a while [:P]. we all have flaws, that's not to worry about, you could always work on them" I don't think he understands how come everyone sees him as the "puerto rican who smokes" or the "puerto rican who used to be deep in drugs" , but I see him as the sweet, nice, charming person he is deep inside..

Theres a song I absolutely LOVE , kind of reminds me of him :p.. some of the lyrics are "I wish you were near , its better when you're here. It's crazy how I feel this way, I can't explain, don't go away! You opened up my eyes and made me realise, now it's changing everything, please don't go away" cute eh? [<3]

Anyways , Jess is at the hospital having her baby right now [:)] well I dont know how dialated she is , but I do know shes been at 5.5 cm for the past 2-3 weeks. If she has a boy his name is gonna be Cohen , if it's a girl it'll be Autumn, cute names eh ? we all think (except for Jess of course) that it's gonna be a boy [:P].

I should get going, entry is long enough and I want to go read "New Moon' [:)] take care everyone ! [<3] xx.

Oh, p.s;
I forgot to mention ,I have a job interview on monday at 2 pm [:)].. it's at the mall for the store "Stitches".. I wouldnt mind working in a clothing store for a change!

So,
I'm currently welcoming baby girl Autumn to the world [:)] , she weights 9 lbs 3 oz (thats one biig baby :|..) I dont know much about how Jess is doing yet ,all I know is that the epidural only worked on half her body (OUCH!)

oh and I'm selling my four birds, they DONT shut up in the morning and I've been waking up with headaches ALL the time!!

last edit
omg, look what Chris just said to me !!!

ChRiS<--->Please someone help me, I'm dying here in front of you... says:
[:)]
ChRiS<--->Please someone help me, I'm dying here in front of you... says:
i think lately ur makin shit better for me
ChRiS<--->Please someone help me, I'm dying here in front of you... says:
thanks
ChRiS<--->Please someone help me, I'm dying here in front of you... says:
[:)]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! [:)] I dont know HOW I make stuff better for him, but man oh man ,you do NOT know how GREAT it is that he just said that! [:)]

p.s , for yesterdays entry I FELT high, I wasn't actually high [:P], I only get high when I drink, but not Everytime I drink..and I don't drink often to begin with..[:)]

Anywho, on with my entry[:)].. , this entry miiiiight seem long , but it isnt..well maybe a little..but it's just a convo [:P] Yeah I know last time I had deleted the convo I put on here, (the one I'm gonna show you guys today isn't the same one though) but oh what the heck, it's my journal and I should write or talk about what I want right ? [:P].. Does any of you think its wrong that I share the conversation on here , but he doesn't know about it? oh well haha , here it is [:)] (its the convo we had last night; wednesday night.) When I underline stuff and its underneath something I said or he said , its something that WASN'T in the convo. the stuff that's bold are the things we say [:P] OH !! I forgot to mention HES the one who talked to ME first [:)] hehehehe !!

ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
u know something
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
...
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

hahahaha , he always finds some weird thing to say at the most random time.. so I thought he was gonna say something foolish , AGAIN [:P]

ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lol i shouldnt be makin u worry by telin u all the bad shit in my life
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
i feel right bad for u
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
havin to listen to all that
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
Chris.. if you tried to make me believe you're happy.. THEN I'd worry even more[:P]
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
:O
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
yeh but still
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
stopppp worrying about me
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
i dont wanna bring others down
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lol well i do (hes talking about "stop worrying about me)
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
cuz u dont need to get all worried
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
:S
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lol i dunno i was just thinkin of u sayin how i almost make u cry and shit and how u think me n justin r gonna do stupid shit...like i dunno but im sure u have ur own problems and by tellin you mine i must be makin ur problems worse too

just for the reccord "almost make you cry" thats when he told me him and Justin were RIGHT depressed and tried to commit suicide few years back, and they both are my friends, so you know..its not something you wanna hear..

ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
i just dont wanna bring you down thats all

aww , hes does care [:)] I think? lol
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
Chris , something about me , I've always been carring .. always, that's not gonna change.. unless you don't want me carring for you, then I wont. You dont make my problems worst, I wouldnt ask you whats wrong everytime I can tell theres something wrong if it made me unhappy.
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lol well im just sayin thats all
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
i right appreciate u bein concerned tho[:P]
cute eh???[:)] hehehe , atleast he appreciates it!!
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
cuz noone has been for years
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
and i dont think ppl realise whats goin on with me
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
or maybe they do and dont care
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
idk...
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
well guess what ,
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
but i just noticed that u were right down yesterday and i hoped it wasnt cuz of me (he wasnt done talking when I said "well guess what")
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
what?
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
I care: ) , and I always will be here to help , don't ever think I wont be. If you need a shoulder to lean on or just someone to talk to , don't even think twice about talking to me k ? Until you get annoyed of me and throw me at the curb [:P]
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lmao
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
annoyed??
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lmfao
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
I see people for the good, not the bad , and I think that's whats the matter wiht people now a days , they look at people for the bad stuff they do and forget about the good.
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lol maybe
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
but i dont take that as annoying
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
Good, I don't want you to get rid of me so quickly[:P]
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lmao
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
y would i do that?

anyways , it goes on & on,... so I'm gonna skip a few things..

ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
fuck i have to go soon
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
haha where to? [:P]
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
my papa's
HAHAH i laughed SO hard when I saw that [:P]
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
LOL
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
sorry that was .. cute and very unpredictable
(I told him the other day that sometimes on msn hes right predictable, and so now hes right trying not to be [:P] its funny)
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
i didnt realise it was alreadt past 7[:P]
he got to sleep in and I was awake at 7 am because of the stupid birds[:(]
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
thats what happens when you SLEEP IN (I have an emoticon, and its like if someone is giving you a dirty look[:P] , so thats the one I had here haha)

and then after that he pretty much sent me songs that he loves (his gf wont listen to them ..and I do [:P] so he enjoys that) and then we talked about that ,,nothing interesting enough to put on here [:P]

ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
but for now i must go
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
fine.. leave me here ..with your music[:P]
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
have fun at your papas! LMAO ...
we mock each other quite a bit [:P]
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lol kk ill be on after[:P]
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
k, if u wanna talk u know what to do
I told him the other day that if he wanted to talk, to talk first..
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
sign on?[:)]
HAHAH , fucken smart ass , he knows what I meant[:P]
[Kαroline]♥` - hello sweet thing, why don't you wαlk this wαy ? says:
HAHAHAH , just go !!! [:P]
ChRiS<---> A withered past and a blurry future. My hearts on an auction, it goes out to the highest bid!!! says:
lol kk, have fun[:P]
geeezz, I only noticed now how many "[:P]" we use!


so so .. thats ...good right ? [:P] ohh , here's a picture I made of mine & Madisons hands few nights ago [:)] ;


and one of Monique and I on her birthday [:)]:


Well, that's enough for today, I have to go get ready, day at the mall with Rachel & Madison![:)] have a good oneee ! [<3] xx!