mashuki , 24

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[font=century gothic][color=F41E88]Hey Guys,
First of all i'd like to welcome my 2 new subbies: fxck_me and livy_orangejoy... thank you so much for subbying, and I hope you enjoy your stay![:)]

Also, i'd like to thank each and everyone of you who took the time to read yesterday's entry... you guys have no idea how much it meant to me. Thank you so much for all the great advice and support!! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Well, you guys are probably wondering what happened after he texted me to explain and all that... so I won't make you wait any longer.[:P]

Well... at first when he started texting me, I didn't thought I was going to believe him... I was still really upset about the whole situation, and I had still stuck in my head that he was hiding something from me. So I decided to go see him (like I said yesterday), and talk to him face to face. Because I knew, he wouldn't be able to lie right to my face. Well, I was hoping that he wouldn't be able, anyway.

So... my dad dropped me off at the bus station around 5, because Phil said he was going to arrive in Moncton at the bus stating around then, and he wanted me to meet him there, so I did.

The first... like hour we first saw each other wasn't really going well.. I was still VERY upset at him, and I could barely hold my tears (I know I sound lame, but hey... I was frigging upset).

First thing he did was take a shower... while I was just sitting on the couch, waiting for him to come out, and thinking about if I should stay or not. I so wanted to leave the first 20 mins... but I didn't, because I decided if I leave... i'm leaving for good. And I didn't want that, especially since we didn't talked yet face to face. So I decided to wait a little longer, and if things didn't start getting better, I would leave.

He was in a pretty pissy mood, because I guess... I was giving him the "cold shoulder", but hey... I was upset... and I still didn't knew how to take it, since I was still waiting to talk with him.

I don't remember what happened, but I decided I had enough, and started taking my things and walk by the door, while crying histerically (sp?), and then he just started walking by me and gave me a huge hug... he looked so upset that I was this upset! He said that seeing me upset like this was making him super upset and mad at himself for what happened, and he hated it... he told me he loves me more than anything in this world, and that he didn't want to lose me. So I stayed.

At first it was a little awkward, but he kept taking my hand and trying to make me laugh and make me feel better... he said he was stupid of doing this to me, but that it really wasn't his fault, it happened really fast, nothing was planned, and he didn't brought his charger with him so he couldn't reach me in any way (I think all his friends has cell phones, and it would of costed a fortune to call me... plus he said he was supposed to come back in the morning, as in he wasn't staying long at all, but he didn't wake up in time). But yeah, he felt really bad guys... he didn't really understood the part where I said "I don't think you love me anymore", but that's okay... because I knew what I meant, and that's all that matters...

So yeah, it took a while before things started going okay between us, but I think we're fine now... he even told me last night before I went to bed, that he "loves me even more than before". Which means... he learned his lesson, he didn't wanted to lose me, and it won't happen again. That was my whole point... that it won't happen again. So i'm glad.[:)]

I'm still a lil' scared, but not really... I don't know, it's hard to explain... but my point is, I do believe him, but to trust him fully again might take a little while, just because I have so many trust issues and all... but i'm sure with a little time, things will go back to how they used to be, if it's not better.[:)]

Oooh... and I forgot to tell you guys yesterday... I was so upset I couldn't even think straight... lol. Well... i'm getting a bird![:D] SO ADORABLE!! And it's so smart! It's already handtamed... so he's pretty good. Like he still bites a little bit from time to time, but it's not bad at all... he's pretty well trained![:)]

I'm buying him from a breeder, and he's a one year old Green Cheeks Conure. Beautiful, beautiful bird! They love attention... love water. If you buy a swing to put in your shower, they will actually go take a shower with you!! Isn't that adorable??[:D]

I wanted to buy one from the pet store at first, but at the pet store they're $699 plus tax (I know... OUCH!!) and the breeder that i'm getting him from, only asks $150 for it! That's an amazing deal!!

He doesn't need that much of a big cage, just like a cockatiel size one... and the ones I saw weren't that expensive.. I think about $130. And there's a stand that comes with it, so that would be perfect for in my room.[:)]

I already went and saw him and everything yesterday... he went on my finger and shoulder and everything![:)] He's so adorable!! I already have a name for him too... Coco.[:)] Love that name... one of my old budgies (another kind of bird) was called Coco.[:)]

So yeah... we put a downpayment on it, and if my student loan gets in friday, i'm going to go get him friday.[:)] I'm so excited!![:D] (Linda, you have to come see him!!

And another awesome news... lol I got a call from Superstore... and... I GOT THE JOB!![:D][:D] I start my training tonight! So excited!! Hope i'm going to like it![:)]

Well anyway, i'm in class right now.. and I already spent way more time than I should on here, so i'm going to let you guys go. lol.
Have a great day guys!
love you all![<3]

P.S. If you want to see the bird i'm getting, go to:
www.geocities.com/kiwitiel
and go on the link "what's available now" and you'll see my bird.[:)]


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[color=426B73]Hey Guys...
I'm so fucking hurt right now... it's not even funny. I can't stop frigging crying, and I just feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. Literally.

Some of you may not understand what i'm about to say, but for those who will... thanks.

Well... how about I start with last night. Because if I don't you guys won't understand.

I was texting Phil last night, we were just talking and stuff... then around 9 he just stopped texting me... I texted him like 5 times in the next hour, and he wasn't texting back... so I was like okay... maybe he's gone in the shower or something... so I just texted him goodnight and all that, and went to bed, thinking he was probably going to text me back after I went to sleep.

Well... to my amazement, he didn't. So when I woke up, first thing I did was check my cell phone, see if he answered, and he never did... so I was like okay... that's kinda strange... but maybe he's sleeping. So it's okay.

Well, let me tell you what happened next... that's what i'm super upset about.

I went online after I ate breakfast, and guess who was online! (he doesn't have a computer, btw) Yup, Phil. What does it says in his nickname? "in truro". Yup.

So the asshole left last night for Truro, without telling his fucking girlfriend about anything... I don't care what you guys think, he could of atleast text me last night to let me know or something... and I was supposed to see him after school today!

I don't know, I just feel like he was hiding it... and now i'm wondering, what else is he hiding??

Maybe he doesn't even love me anymore, he just doesn't know how to say it. Who fucking knows.

You guys can say that i'm over reacting, but i'm really not. It's like... one night I randomly decide to leave for Halifax to see Channy, and don't text or call him to let him know, and then he finds out the next day.

Wouldn't you be hurt too???

I seriously feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest... ever since I found out, i've had the worst thoughts coming through my head, and I don't even fucking know what to think right now!! I don't know...

For all I fucking know, he's gone there to say another girl! Who knows!

And you guys can say "well Rach, I doubt he'll ever do that to you", but hey... it happened before... no one saw it coming, but guess what... it still happened. So who fucking knows...

I don't know... I don't want this to end guys... I swear, if this ends I don't know what i'm going to do... i'm seriously going to take a depression or something... he's like all I have right now... except a couple friends here and there, but you guys know what I mean... I don't know what to do!!!

I'm going crazy here, trying to think of what's going on... and I would rather not think, but I can't help it... I just can't... I don't know what to do!

I'm so so so scared guys... I'm so scared I feel like praying, and I never pray... because I don't really believe in it, but maybe if I would believe, maybe this wouldn't of happened...

Guys, I don't know what to think...


Update; Okay so... he finally texted me back around 1... he said that his cell phone died last night, so he wasn't able to let me know, and he forgotten his charger home... "supposebly" him and his friend Paul were looking for cell phones charger all night, and finally found one or something... and he only woke up at 1, so he texted me when he woke up.

Yeah, I don't know what to think about that... I really want to believe him, but I don't know if I should...

He was really upset at himself though, for making me so upset, which is a FIRST with him... usually he would of bitched at me or something, and tell me I over reacted... but this time he didn't. I think he feels pretty bad... so maybe he's being sincere.

I'm going to see him face to face tonight... he can't lie to me in my face now, can't he? I don't think he'd be able to...


Ooh. And I forgot to mention.. I was so upset, almost forgot to say... it's Channy's birthday today!!! (Naked__Truth) So go wish her a happy birthday![:)]

LOVE YOU CHANNY!!!! *hugs*





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