-
Dating is so complicated! Gahhh!
Sugar_xxx 26
...yourself, what you want out of a relationship, w… -
Dating is so complicated! Gahhh!
Sugar_xxx 26
...would ruin things. If he really cares about you,… -
Dating is so complicated! Gahhh!
Sugar_xxx 26
Wow girl...you have such a great outlook on everyth… -
I'll eventually be okay...
Sugar_xxx 26
Oh hey! Yay! You're moving in with Danielle...awes… -
Last night was probably one of the worst night in my life...
Sugar_xxx 26
Good luck! Message me on FB if you ever need anyone…
|
mashuki , 24from Moncton, N-BCommentsShow all Subscriptions (12)Statistics
Any kind of suggestions would be awesome right now!!List of responders FatalFantasy, ForeverLoved, KraZii_BlueZ, Shammy_486, spitzy_sucker78, Sugar_xxx Here I am again... confused as hell... actually, I don't think I ever stopped being confused. It just got worst, maybe? Some people tell me it's normal not to feel the same way about Adam than I had felt with Phil, or others before him, but for the life of me... I can't stop thinking that there's something wrong/missing. I rarely get excited about seeing him... and when I do, I often can't remember why i was excited in the first place when I actually see him. I don't know. He's such a good guy though... and i'm scared that maybe it's just me not letting myself entirely go with him, and letting myself feel something again without worrying to get hurt... but in another way... i'm starting to think more and more that we really aren't for each other... maybe i'm just holding onto something I wish it could be, because I don't want to be alone. I don't know. I don't think that I have a problem with being alone... but what I do have a problem with, is being scared of making a mistake. But if i've been feeling like this for... how long? 3-4 weeks? Then obviously there's more to it, right? I just wish it could work, and that I would actually be happy, but i'm not. Maybe i'm getting too greedy, looking for something that doesn't actually exist, only in my head. I have no idea... I should probably tell him to start seeing other people, before he gets too attached, and that I really hurt his feelings... because I don't want to do that. Maybe seeing other people will open my eyes, and i'll know what to do? He obviously won't like it... and probably won't want to keep on dating me. But I feel like it's what I need to do. Because as bad as this may sound... I don't picture myself falling in love with him, as much as I want to. I just can't. So maybe... he's not the one for me. And that's okay... now I just need to think about a way to tell him that... Any suggestions?? I hate hurting people's feelings... [:(] [<3]RaCh~x0x feeling better // weekend // relationship?List of responders AbstractEyes, Sugar_xxx Hey, I think i'm finally starting to feel somewhat better... Saturday was probably the worst i've felt in a long time... I couldn't breathe or swallow anything... it was horrible![:(] I thought I was feeling better yesterday, so I went in to work, because I knew we were going to have training almost all day, but I ended up having to leave after lunch, because my head felt like it was going to explode. I had to go home and lay down for a few hours... nothing else was working! But i'm feeling better than yesterday, though.[:)] My sinuses are still stuffed... but atleast I don't feel like my head is going to explode![:D] I can't wait for this weekend though... we're going to see "Saw 6" at the theatre, then we're going to "boo at the zoo", and then we're going out! So it should be fun!! Hopefully the alcohol kills whatever is left of my cold... [:P] lol Things with Adam are doing a lot better. He's giving me my space... and he's been really sweet while I was sick. So i'm glad I had that talk with him the other day... it really helped.[:)] We're still not together, together... but with time... I think we will be.[:)] Anyway, I have to go because i'm at work so... I hope everyone has a great week! take care P.S. If you haven't checked last entry, you should! I posted a lot of new pictures in it [:)] [<3]RaCh~x0x sick // weekend // lots of pictures!!List of responders FatalFantasy, Shammy_486, spitzy_sucker78, Sugar_xxx, x0xmarix0x So i'm sick as a dog... stupid weather that changes too quickly! And I have to get up tomorrow morning to go to work, and I have no idea how i'm going to manage that if I still feel like this (or worst) tomorrow.[:(] I had a feeling that I had caught something this week, because I felt like I was fighting something off all week, especially Friday... but I guess it won! Stupid cold weather... Don't get me wrong, I love Fall... it's my favorite season. But I hate how every Fall I get sick. And living with 2 girls that are sick as well probably don't help. But still. It sucks... I can barely eat anything today because my throat is so swollen it feels like I can't swallow anything[:(] And my ears and sinuses are killing me... [:(] I'm hoping this means that I won't be sick at Christmas this year, like last year, atleast... So yeah, my weekend got kinda ruined because of it... Adam was supposed to come over after work (around 1am) Friday, but I fell asleep before that, so we only saw each other the day after. Then yesterday I felt like garbage, so we didn't do much either... just watched movies, went for a drive, and to the mall for a little bit. He also took me out to supper to one of my fave restaurant (Red Pepper), which was really nice.[:)] And he slept over, but I had to send him home this morning... I was feeling even worst, and I didn't want him to catch what I have (even though it's probably too late now lol). I hate being sick![:(] I got off early from work on Friday though. They cancelled our training because they were too busy and our trainer had to help out. So I had asked if I could leave early to meet my old RBC team at Pastalli's (they were all going there before the RBC Gala), and they said yes![:)] So I got to see most of my old team... which was really nice!! I've missed them! I'll post a few pictures at the bottom of the entry so you guys can see them[:)] Other than that, not much is new... I just felt like coming on here and complain! Since no one is home to complain to.[:P] I hope you guys all had a good weekend! take care [<3]RaCh~x0x Summer Pictures:  Me, Janie, Danielle & Linda dressed as Anne of green gables in PEI this summer (on my bday)  Me this summer at a bar (great canadian pub)  Me in Halifax this summer visiting Channy  Me again in Halifax without the sunglasses[:P]  Me & Channy when she came down here for a week this summer  Me & Channy again, but this time, when I went to Halifax to see her  Linda, Channy & me in Halifax  Linda, Channy & me again  Linda & me at Great Canadian Pub  Danielle, Janie & me at our place[:)]  Channy & me at Great Canadian Pub that week she came down here  Angie, Jordyn & me at Great Canadian Pub  Angie & me at Great Canadian Pub before the RBC Gala (at Pastalli's):  Phil (one of my best friend from RBC), me & Sebastien  Krystle & me  Phil & Krystle... love them both!!  Me & Sebastien (another one of my good friend from RBC)  Phil, Alain & Krystle  Phil & me (don't worry everyone... he's gay![:P]) Halifax with Adam:  Our hotel room[:)]  The nice flatscreen tv![:)]  Let's not forget the mini bar!!  Gotta love free stuff!!  We pretended it was our anniversary so we would get an upgrade on the room (hence the free stuff[:P]) lol  A pretty bad picture of me lol  Adam (pretty cute, eh?[;)])  He think he's funny[:P] quick entry // found a way to save $100 a month!! :DList of responders karo_xxo, N2cj4eva14, Sugar_xxx, x0xmarix0x This is going to be really quick.... kinda want to go to bed early tonight... i'm so tired!! Not used to this shift yet. lol. So I've been hearing here and there that Kiwi is changing, again?? Is it true? Anyone knows any details on this?? I hope it doesn't... it has changed so much since i've been here already... I like it the way it is! (took me enough time to get used to it last time they changed it...) I think I might of found a way to save myself about $100 per month... I have no idea why I didn't think about this before... I feel so stupid! But anyway... I'm going to take what I owe on my Future Shop credit card (which is about $800) and transfer it on my Visa! My Visa is only 11.9%... and the Future Shop is 28%. So i'm paying interest up the ass right now... plus it'll be easier to pay down, since i'll be paying one card instead of 2! And i'll use the Mastercard I applied for from BMO (I know.. i'm such a trader!! but I wanted one with Airmiles[:P]) for now, in the meantime that I get paid (because I have seriously nothing left until then). Only thing... it'll probably max out my Visa if I transfer my balance... but whatever. It'll just be easier and cheaper! So like I said earlier... don't know why I didn't think of that before... lol. I think I might be spending the weekend with Adam this weekend... don't know if it's such a good idea to spend the whole weekend together (or almost), but... if I feel too smothered, i'll send him home.[:P] I think it'll help to know if there's actually anything between us... if it's worth pursuing. if you know what I mean! Still liking the new job a lot... learning a lot as well!! I almost feel like in college again... lol. The laws in Quebec are so much more different than here (in NB)!! It's like they're trying to complicate things on purpose, or something... but whatever... I don't live there, so I don't care! I just have to understand it to explain it to the notaries, banks, and clients. [:P] Well anyway, that's it for tonight... i'll upload some new pictures from this summer next time... I feel like I haven't posted pictures on here in forever!! I hope everyone has an awesome weekend! take care [<3]RaCh~x0x A depressing/venting entry... read at your own risk![bg=#5B5B5B]
[font=webdings]gggggggngggggggccggggg/gggggcgggggggggggcggggg\gggggccgggggggnggggggg[/font]
[font=bradley hand itc]Experience[/font]========== =====================[font=century gothic]is simply the name we give our mistakes[/font] [font=webdings]<<<gg<<ggggg<<<<<gggg<<<<<<<<ggggggg<<<<gggggg<<<<<<gggg<g<<gggggg<<<<[/font] [font=century gothic][color=8aa9ef]I think i'm still a little confused about the whole Adam situation thing... I did have a talk with him last week, and I think he somewhat understood, because he's giving me some space, but I don't know... there's still something... missing? I don't even know if that's the right word... because sometimes I miss him, and want to be with him. But other times... I couldn't care less. I don't know... i'm confused, obviously... I just... don't feel like I was feeling when I first met Phil (my ex, for those who didn't know). Or when I met Yves (the ex before Phil). Or Dave (another one). It just feels... different. It's weird... I've talked about it with my mom, and a few of my friends, and some of them say that it's just me being cautious. Others say that it's just because i'm not used to someone that actually treats me decent, and is more emotionally opened. But I just don't know what to think. I almost feel... smothered, or something. But other times I just want him around all the time, and for him to never let me go. GAH... I don't think i've ever been this confused about a guy... it's driving me nuts!! On another note... i'm liking my new job so far!! It's been a little boring because we've been mostly sitting with people and looking at what they're doing, so the time can go buy a little slow sometimes... but it'll be different once I actually start doing it myself. I can't wait! I just got a bunch of stuff to read today, mostly... read that the whole day, and i'm still not done! But i'm learning a LOT... so it's awesome.[:)] They're really excited to have me, i've been told... so that makes me feel good.[:)] On another depressing note... my anxiety is back... BAD! I started taking my medication again Sunday, because it was bothering me so much... I was driving, and out of nowheres it just hit me... I HATE that feeling!! It's actually been pretty bad at work too since... I think it's just because there's so many different changes in my life... I don't really know how to handle it, I guess. The whole money situation doesn't help either... just thinking about that,, I could have another panic attack right here... Talking about money... I had a talk with Janie (my cousin/roomate/owner of the house where I live now) about putting my rent down to $300 (originally $400) a month, because I couldn't handle $400, and she said she would take a look at her bills, and let me know... well she finally got back to me the other day, and decided she can't afford to put my rent down. *sigh* I was really hoping she would... because now... I don't know what I should do. I'm almost to the point where I won't have a choice, but to go back home... and I don't want to do that! I even asked Lisa, a girl I was working with at Homburg, if she would rent me a room in her house, because I know she's tight on money as well, being just broken up with her boyfriend, and all... she told me she would think about it, and let me know. but she hasn't yet. She also has a little girl who's about 10. Kinda scared I wouldn't have any privacy if I moved there because of that... but maybe it wouldn't matter. Anyway... it doesn't even look like she wants to, because she was supposed to get at me yesterday, and she didn't so... i'm not going to bother. I'll just have to cut down on even more stuff, I guess! Eventually i'm going to run out on things to cut down on... if it keeps going like this. Okay, enough with the depressing entry... I just needed to vent somehwere... I just HATE talking about my financial problems with anyone I know... makes me feel embarassed. Know what I mean? [<3]RaCh~x0x [/color][/font] [font=webdings]<<<gg<<ggggg<<<<<gggg<<<<<<<<ggggggg<<<<gggggg<<<<<<gggg<g<<gggggg<<<<[/font] [font=century gothic]Responders=====BloodBerry, FatalFantasy, karo_xxo, midnite_breeze2, Sugar_xxx, x0xmarix0x Subscribers=====AbstractEyes, ajzgurl69, amygrace726, annielynn_x0, AutumnFantasy, babe09, BloodBerry, bloodypunk, Bombshellxo, brandiemariexo, Broken_Stars, CherokeeAngel, Chris0s0swetnes, ColdplayIsLove, dAcEySnTrNsTxN, DadiesDeFecT, DanaNRichard, dandi_andi, emotastic__, eRiicAaaax04, extreme_chaos, FatalFantasy, glamoroussky, grapebox, hazeleyedreams, HershyKiss111, HiHeelSneakers, HisGothVixenx33, Holly, hunniebunniedee, hyperactive45, i_luv_him2, karo_xxo, katvio, KrAzIaNgEl, KraZii_BlueZ, Krazilicious, kyleeO3, lilcountrygirl_, LilSwEeTBaBy135, midnite_breeze2, Mizz_Famous, more_fuzz, MrsCheezeham08, N2cj4eva14, Naked__Truth, RedsLilMama, Shammy_486, smile2dayalways, spitzy_sucker78, stephymayx, Sugar_xxx, TheGeminiGirl, thyestean, x_DieRomantic_x, x0xmarix0x, xBreathe, xosweets, xx_lovesmenot, young_mom87[/font] [font=webdings]gggggggngggggggccggggg/gggggcgggggggggggcggggg\gggggccgggggggnggggggg[/font] LayoutsByMe4You Quote: Oscar Wilde[/bg] |
|
Hmm, how you are feeling is kinda how I felt with Scott...things started to go bad but I couldn't let go. I missed him when he was gone, but then didn't care when he was with me. I think it takes time to let go, especially when you can see they are trying or there's nothing like, horribly wrong...but one day it might "click" and you will be able to let go. I hope you figure it all out soon!
I'm glad your job is going well so far, even if it's a bit boring right now! Sorry you are having anxiety though - that's no fun! Hopefully the meds will help. Yikes, money problems suck. I hope you can sort everything out!
I never had the same spark with Adam that I did with my other exes. I think its from being hurt so much that you start to have a different feeling. Or maybe its growing up, you do have a more cautious type of love. I know that I love Adam, but it was never the same. But look at us now. We're married :)