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Sugar_xxx 24Three days ago 10:33 pm I'm glad things are going better. We all go through times of ups and dow... read on 
Midnite_breeze2 2203/07/10 01:17 am Hey!!!!! I'm going to get a gym membership....i don't know if you w... read on 
Bombshellxo 2203/04/10 12:30 am That's good about you switching locations, definitely takes off a lot of... read on
Sugar_xxx 2403/03/10 09:47 pm I'm glad you are feeling better since last entry! That's good they ... read on
Bombshellxo 2202/27/10 08:11 pm Everyone has been there with starting a new job & not being confident at ... read on Statistics
confused as hell... maybe i'm not fired? H1N111/12/09 01:53 pm | 2 Comments | Permanent link
Drew called me last night... he still says that he was true to me the whole time, and that he would never do anything to hurt me... that he wants to move to Moncton to be closer to me... and that he wants to be with me, and make me happy. sad / pissed / angry / upset / etc.11/11/09 08:04 pm | 1 Comment | Permanent link
I am so beyond pissed off right now... it's not even funny!
I should probably start by the beggining... Well Friday while I was at work, I had a call from Drew (the guy from Miramichi) and basicallly he said that he hadn't been able to call because he was at the hospital because his friend got in a car accident (drinking and driving.. how stupid can you be?) and he was at the hospital with him. He said he really wanted to see me, and that someone was willing to drive him to Rogersville (half way here) so that he would be able to come see me. So I thought about it... figured I had nothing to lose... and that even if he was really full of it, that atleast i'd have a date this weekend, so I said okay... and I went and got him in Rogersville with my friend Linda. He was better than I expected... really cute. And we had an awesome weekend together (he stayed here for 2 days). When it came to the time of driving him back home though, I didn't want to go alone, because I didn't know the way, so I asked Angie and Jeremy (very close friends of mine) to come with me for a drive. So they did.. we ended up driving to Miramichi, and decided to have supper there, since it was kinda late, and everyone was hungry. Then Jeremy had the idea that we should stay there for the night... so we all called in sick (I know, I know.. friggin' stupidiest idea ever, but I was scared to drive in the dark like that) and got a hotel room, and stayed the night. The next day, we visited Miramichi a little bit... Drew showed us around... we had fun. Then we had to bring him back home before we had to leave (because he stayed at the hotel with us) so we did... and ended up deciding that we were going to take a little roadtrip and stay there for 2 days. So again.. we had to all call in sick... I felt super bad, because I knew i'd probably get in trouble, because I just started not too long ago... but I figured that if I would blame it on my car having trouble, it would be fine. I know.. another stupid idea of mine!... So anyway... we had to go back to Moncton on Monday to get our stuff, because we didn't bring anything with us when we were in Miramichi (we actually had to buy a few things to be able to spend the night) so we stopped here before leaving for Fredericton to get some clothes and necesseties (sp?). We had a really great time in Fredericton as well... thought we would take it easy the first night since we had been driving the whole day, but ended up being hungry when we got there, and going to a bar to have a few drinks, and nachos. They had live music... which was really good! And then we went back to the hotel after that to get some sleep (I had probably gotten about 3 hours of sleep the night before... I had to sleep with my contacts, and it wasnt very comfy!!). Now this is when it starts getting interesting... The second night we were there, we decided to go eat at this place called Hilltop that we had heard had amazing steaks, and ended up finding out that they were also having a little party there that night, so we went there. I noticed that Drew knew quite a few people there (as in girls) and that he seemed to be flirting with them. Which you know.. is not that much of a big deal usually... but I had noticed him doing it quite a few times during the weekend as well with other girls. Anyway... Come to find out from Jeremy on our way back home today, that while they were outside the 2 of them, that he got some girl's # (he told Jeremy it was an old friend of his), and that he was flirting with another one afterwords... which is not kool. Because when you tell someone you want to be with them... and really like them, you don't go flirting with other people. Right? Anyway... we had a talk me and Jeremy in the car on our way back, about how Jeremy thinks Drew is really "fishy" and how he thinks he's seeing other girls, and stuff like that... that I should stay away from him... because there were points during the weekend/week that he was telling us stuff, that didn't match with what he had told us earlier about the same thing/story... so we all started to doubt him. But especially Jeremy... Jeremy says that he "tested" him all weekend, but especially while we were in Fredericton, because that's when he started really having doubts of his intention... and that he thinks he's not a good guy.. thats he's the type of guy that's a sweet talker, basically. I mean, I kinda had a feeling.. i'm not stupid.. I know what bullshit is when I see it. But I guess I was hoping I was wrong.. because I really liked him. And I wanted it to work out. But when Jeremy started telling me all of those things in the car... made my fears turned into reality. so I wasn't the only one doubting him. So it wasn't just me being paranoid as usual. So I decided I wouldn't call him (he had asked me to call him at home when I got home) and see what would happen (if he would eventually call to see what was going on, or what). I ended up having to call... because he said that he would get me something from Mazda, because he knows the owner of the dealership over there, so it would of looked like I was telling the truth about my car... so i was calling him to ask him if he could do that, because I had just heard from someone I work with, that I had gotten fired (and they never called me to tell me... they just told it to everyone but me, apparentely) and that I needed that paper for proof. Anyway... we had a talk... he still says he would never hurt me, never see anyone behind my back, that nothing happened last night, that his intentions for me are good, blah blah blah... that he wants to be with me, and only me... that he wants to move to Moncton, to be closer to me (he has to move out by this weekend and find another place to live anyway) and all that bull... but then Jeremy is telling me he's full of it... and I don't know who to believe. I mean.. I have doubts about him... but when he says stuff like that... makes me wonder if maybe we're wrong? But usually when I get a feeling like that, it's rarely wrong... so i'm scared of making the decision of never seeing/talking to him again, and that all this time we were wrong. because he's convinced that the "truth will come out" and that i'll realize that whoever told me that is lying. But I don't know... I dont want to believe him either, and then find out Jeremy was right, and he is full of it. You know? Like I said before.. I hate dating.. it's stupid. And like I told many people before... I hate wasting my time. And getting used... and lied to... i'm not putting up with bullshit anymore... EVER. So I think now.. i'm going to wait and see if he is going to make something to convince me that his intentions for me are true (which he should if he actually cares), or if he's not going to bother. And when I say "wait"... I don't mean actually waiting.. i'm definately not waiting for him, especially having doubts like this! But I won't get in contact with him unless he does. If he doesn't.. that'll be my hint, I think. What do you guys think? Confusing enough for you?? lol (i'll explain more about the job once I know what's actually going on... the guy I work with that told me that wasn't 100% sure it was true.. but they let go a few others, and he said he had heard I was one of them so... we'll see tomorrow when I go in... or maybe i'll just call) Wish me luck... Guys are dumb.. throw rocks at them all!!11/05/09 04:29 pm | 1 Comment | Permanent link
I can't believe i'm saying this... but believe it or not, this new kiwibox is slowly starting to grow on me! I mean I hate how you only have so many characters to write, and things like that, but the live chat is pretty neat... and being able to pick your font, colors, etc. is pretty nice as well. I think i'm going to end up actually liking it! For someone who was so mad when she first saw it... it grew on me pretty fast! yes... i'm still here... can't seem to let kiwibox go11/03/09 07:42 pm | 3 Comments | Permanent link
I have no idea what i'm still doing here... even after telling myself I would never come back on this stupid site since it changed, here I am. I just can't let go of Kiwibox, for some reason... it's been my place to vent for so many years!! I would be lost without it. I wish I could find another site... but it wouldn't be the same. Even though this new version is not the same... it's still Kiwibox. My place to vent.
So a lot of things happened since the last time I wrote... don't really know where to start, really. I guess I could start by saying that i've never felt this lonely in a very long time... I know, I know.. it's my own fault. And I know I said I was okay with being single. Maybe i'm not. I don't know... everywhere I go, everyone seems to be in love. And I suck at this dating thing... I hate it! Not knowing how the other personf feels... always feeling like you're walking on egg shells because you're scared of getting hurt... trying to trust someone new... which by the way, is not easy whatsoever. I doubt almost everyone now... I hate it. But I can't just find myself someone, for the sake of saying i'm with someone either... not going to work, or make me happier. Probably just going to make me more miserable (like it did with Adam). So I guess i'm just going to be patient, and wait my turn... even though I hate waiting... but it's not like I have a choice! There's this guy though... that i've been talking to (from pof) for quite a while now... we started talking way before me and Adam did, but he stopped talking to me, when he found out I was dating someone (go figure). But now that i'm not... he started talking to me again. And we started talking about meeting again. Only problem is... he doesn't live in my city. He lives about an hour and a half away (Miramichi). Which is not a big deal.. it's not that far. But it's still not very close. Anyway... he still wants to meet me after all this time, and we've been talking more and more this last week... and he wants to come down here now for the weekend (coming up). Problem is... his truck is in the shop (has been since Friday) and he doesn't know if it'll be ready for Friday (when he wants to come here). So I might have to drive there, and get him. I know... most people probably think i'm stupid right now to even think of going all the way there for a guy... but in my defence... he seems pretty decent and pretty cute too! (we went on webcams a few times) And if I don't go get him... I might never know what could of happened. Of course, I could wait until his truck gets fixed. But then, what if he meets someone else? I've been wanting to meet this guy since... we first started talking. Don't really know why... there's just something about him! You know? But if I drive all the way there, and he wasn't worth it, i'm going to be super disapointed, I know... but atleast... i'll be able to tell myself "now I know". And don't worry... i'm not planning on going there by myself... Linda (my best friend) is coming with me for some backup (if needed). I'd never go meet a somewhat stranger by myself! Way too dangerous... I just hope that he is decent... and that it's not all a complete failure/lost/whatever you want to call it... Wish me luck! ooooh.. and my manager started talking to me about a raise (already!!) once I finish my probation (in 2 months!)! Can you believe that?? I've only been there for one month! :D RaCh~x0x I did it... I followed my heart10/26/09 08:03 pm | 6 Comments | Permanent link
List of responders Bombshellxo, lightning3, spitzy_sucker78, Sugar_xxx, x0xmarix0x First of, I just want to thank every single one of you for taking the time and read (and respond)... means a lot!! I think I knew deep down what needed to be done for a while, I just didn't want to do it because I didn't want to hurt his feelings... but let's face it. If it would of dragged on for longer than this, it would of hurt him even more. So it's better now, then later down the road. Right? So I followed my heart... and everyone's advice. And decided to tell him we shouldn't see each other anymore. It was in no way easy... actually harder than I thought. I never been in this situation before... or I should say, I never been on this side, before. Usually, it's me who has feelings, and the guy doesn't. So it was hard for me to do it... but I did. And I felt extremely bad, actually still do... but it was the right thing to do. He has tried to contact me many times tonight via texts... I just decided to ignore it, for now... I just don't know what to say to him! He admitted he had fell for me about 3 weeks ago, and stuff like that... apparentely talked to Jeremy (one of my close friend) today about me, and said many "beautiful" things about me, apparentely... he wants to talk about it, but I don't. I don't see what else is there to say... it's not like talking is going to change my feelings. but I guess if it helps him get over it... I guess I could do that. I just don't know what to tell him. What do you say to something like that?? Like I said... never really been in that situation before... Soon, or not... I actually have a date on Wednesday (yes, of this week)! Well a date... more like a "meeting" I call it... I don't like to call it a date, and then it not working out for one of us (yes, another one I met online). But hey... if we click, we click.. if we don't... it's a new friend! I'm totally fine with either... I don't need a man in my life right now. It would be nice, yes, but I don't need it. I can do without, and be just fine. For now... taking it a day at a time, and focusing on my new job is all I want. And spending time with my friends, and family, of course![:)] Well anyway, i don't really have anything else to say... I hope everyone had a great weekend, and again, thanks a lot for reading!! Don't know what I would do without you guys sometimes! [<3]RaCh~x0x |
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