mashuki , 24

So it officially been a week today, that Coco is gone... I have to be honest, and say it was pretty hard at first. I tried to keep myself busy at first, just to give me some time to start to get over it, but it didn't really work... everytime I got back home, and realized he was gone all over again, it would just get me upset almost every time. Especially everytime I saw the picture my dad gave me of Coco one Christmas... I put it where his cage used to be, just as a reminder, I guess. But the first week was a lot harder than I had thought it would be. It's a LOT better now... but i'm still not completely over it. It'll take a lot of time. But atleast I know deep down, that it's for the best.

I kept in touch with Coco's new owner though... she emailed me quite a few times! Emailed me back the day after she got him, to let me know everything was fine. Told me a few funny annecdotes he did on his first night there, and  it made me smile. I knew right then that I had made the right choice. and then we just kept on emailing back and forth. :)  She kept me updated with how Coco was doing, and words and sounds he had been making. She also sent me 2 pictures of him, with Popeye (her conure). I never thought they would get along, but they actually do! At first it was weird she said, Coco wanted to be friends with Popeye, but Popeye wouldn't have any of it... he even tried to make Popeye scratch his neck, but Popeye wouldn't do any of it. Then the next day she emails me, and tells me they act like they're the best of friends, and Popeye actually came out of his cage (he wouldn't before, or not really, anyway) and now apparentely, he follows Coco everywheres! lol.  She sent me a picture of Coco and Popeye together... it's really cute. :)

So yeah.. i feel alot better about it now, but I still feel a little sad when I think of him. But I know, where he is now, he's happy. So i'm happy for him. :)

Jerr has been hinting to get a dog for a while... he randomly sends me kijiji adds of dogs/puppies to give away, or that are really cute and cheap. He's been sending me some even more, now that Coco's gone... I think we might be getting one sometime after Christmas! That would be so awesome!! I've been thinking of fostering a greyhound. Never been a huge fan of the breed, until my friend Marianne talked to me about them. I done some research, and they seem like the perfect breed for me! I really like the kind of attitude they apparentely have... loyal, couch potato and likes to play... if I foster one, it won't cost me a penny (I'll just have to give it back whenever they find a home for it, which will be really hard, i'm aware, if I get attached to the dog, which I probably will...) and i'll get to learn more about the breed, and find out if it's the dog i'm looking for! The greyhounds here though, range from 2 to 5 years, approx... and they cost $195 or $250 (for the one trained in prisons) to addopt. Which isn't too bad! They have all their shots, and are fixed AND got basic obedience skills (most of them got more than basic) AND with the dog, you get a few hours of obedience school for free! :)  Plus it's a great cause... they need homes! And everyone that I have ever met who got one, LOVES their dogs... they say that they'll never get another dog again that's not a greyhound. So they must be special!

I don't think we're ready for a dog yet, financially... but after Christmas, things should be better. We'll be able to save up our money for a dog then, hopefully. :)

Anyway, I won't bore you more than this...

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

And HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Since I probably won't write in here again before then :P

So today I had to make a hard decision... and to some people, it might sound odd, or ridiculous that it gets me so upset. But I know most of you will understand.

I had thought many times about getting rid of Coco (my green cheek conure), but I had never actually done anything about it. But in the last few months, he was becoming louder, and was starting to have some serious behavior issues (like when he gets really possessive of me... if he's on my shoulder, and someone tries to touch or hug me, he will attack them). Jerr had asked me a few times if I was planning to ask my ex if he wanted him back, because it had been an option at first, when I started having problems with Coco... Phil had said he would buy him from me. But then Phil wasn't returning my texts, or anything else, so I figured he wasn't interested.

One day... I was trying to do something, can't remember what, but Coco really got on my nerves, and I just lost it... I went on Kijiji (kind of like Ebay, for those who don't know the site) and posted an ad for Coco. Figured no one would reply though... just because I had been clear of all the problems he had in my ad, and I figured it wouldn't interest anyone, especially people who are looking for their first parrot.

So I figured it would be a while before anyone would respond... if anyone actually would. And I did get a few replies at first, but they weren't really serious ones... I hadn't specified a price range on my ad, it basically said "make me an offer", so I got a few replies from people asking me if I would take $50 for him. Well... for those of you who know what Green Cheek Conures are... you know they are worth a lot more than that. If you go to Pets Unlimited today, or any local pet store, they go for about $800 to $1000. So I wasn't going to take that offer, I can assure you of that! I was willing to go low enough though, if I found the right person. But not THAT low.

Well recentely... I got a reply from this girl. She really impressed me in her first reply, because basically... she knew a lot about the specie. She already had a Conure (Maroon Bellied Conure, which looks a lot like the Green Cheeks) and she wanted another one because she wanted a friend for her bird. I also thought it was cool that she said she mixed her own bird food, and knew exactly what type of table food they could eat. So I figured if someone would work for Coco, it would be her... her Conure was actually a bird she got for free from someone else, because he had been too abused, and was plucking his feathers out. So I knew she knew how to handle birds with attitudes. Because she already had one.

So, we planned a meeting for her to meet Coco, and for Coco to meet her bird... turns out she has 1 conure and 6 cockatiels! She used to breed cockatiels as well, but not anymore. Coco seemed like he felt immadietely at home there... which broke my heart even more, but at the same time I was happy for him. He was really good with her, and went on her finger like it was nothing (which he hasn't done to me in I don't know how long...) and stayed on her the whole time! So obviously... she fell in love with him.

This would be all so awesome if I wasn't so attached to the damn bird! I always get attached too much to anything... animals, people, ect. And when it's time to say goodbye, it's always the same thing... it's just so hard!

It's not that I don't love Coco, or that I think she's not going to take good care of him, i'm just honestly being selfish, and thinking of how much i'm going to miss him. Everytime I think about having to bring him to her tomorrow night, I start crying like a baby. I just don;t know how i'm going to go through tomorrow at work without breaking in tears every 5 mins, like i've been doing today (p.s.  i just found out today that she was taking him for sure). And I know it's normal to be sad, and I know it's for the best for Coco, because I have to think what's best for him... not me... but still! All I can think about is how much I cried myself to sleep every night the last time I had to say bye to him (when I had to leave him with Phil, when I first moved out) and how badly it affected me... but eventually i was okay with it. I missed him of course, but I could live with it. But this time around... even with all the screaming and bitting he does, I still feel like my heart is going to break in a thousand pieces. Even knowing that this is the right thing... and people telling me all along that it's the right thing, it's still so hard!

I don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow, on the drive there... I won't be able to drive for sure, I know i'll be crying the whole way.  :(

I feel so stupid... because no one acts like it's such a big deal because he's acting out all the time, and screaming all the time, but I still love him.. he's still my bird. And I almost feel like i'm abandoning him... i'm scared he'll think I don't love him anymore, when that's so not the case!

*sigh*  Anyone else ever had to get rid of a pet that meant a lot to you, because you had no other choice? And how did you deal with that?