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I'll eventually be okay...
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Oh hey! Yay! You're moving in with Danielle...awes… -
Last night was probably one of the worst night in my life...
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Good luck! Message me on FB if you ever need anyone… -
Last night was probably one of the worst night in my life...
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I think you should be open to living with your frie… -
Last night was probably one of the worst night in my life...
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...anything). But that's life. I'm glad he didn't h… -
Last night was probably one of the worst night in my life...
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Oh girl...I am so so sorry for what happened. But I…
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I don't know if this entry will make any sense, but anyway...
I wasn't even going to write in here, I was just going to write in my private journal at home, but decided against it... sometimes it's nice to know there's someone reading this. As stupid as this may sound... it does make me feel better. Don't ask me to explain... because I couldn't. For some reason, I just feel that way. Don't know why. So... I was sure I wrote an entry a few days ago (or maybe last week?) but i guess for some reason I lost it? Because it doesn't appeared as ever being posted... so no wonder I was waiting for someone's feedback, and it never came... I knew alot of people left kiwibox, and alot of people don't bother reading my journal anymore, but I figured it couldn't be that bad! lol But I guess that I got my answer now... stupid computer... with the one million things in my head, I probably pushed on "erase" instead of "post" or something stupid like that... sounds like something I would do! Anyway... basically, in my last entry, I was talking about how my dad signed with me on a line of credit, so i could pay off all the credit cards I owe, with a much lower interest! I didn't have a choice to ask him for his help, because I wasn't able to get it on my own... my credit score majorly sucks right now (mostly because National Student Loans screwed me over BIG time, but that's another story I rather not get into right now) and I couldn't keep on making minimum payments after minimum payments on my cards... wasn't getting me anywhere. Might as well pitch my money out the window! Pretty much the same thing... but anyway. Thank god I have an awesome dad, because it's not every father that would do that. So having that helps.. a lot. Because what i'm obligated to pay is my interest every month, which is like 50$. And then I can put whatever I want on it, whenever I want, to pay it off. And whatever I put on it, will directly be on the actual loan, and not in interests. So that's nice! Problem is... the 100$/month I was planning on putting on it, is now going towards my student loan that I have to start paying again. So that leaves me with like nothing to put on my line of credit. So that friggin' sucks... I have no idea how i'm going to work it out now... but i'll have to find a way. I hardly doubt that I qualify for another interest relief on my student loan, so I don't know. Might try to lower that payment a little until it's a little less tight. Don't know. I'll figure something out... I have a meeting with one of my boss tomorrow though, for my review for my 6 months... REALLLY hoping she gives me a raise! I don't really want to ask for one, but I kinda need it really bad... so we'll see what happens... some people tell me they got one at 6 months, others said they didn't. Hopefully i'll be one of the lucky ones! i think i deserve one, though... i've been working really hard to improve myself in everything... and I know she noticed, because she told me before she went on vacation (which was 3 weeks ago). So hopefully... *crosses fingers* I have a feeling that I might need to get a second job though... atleast for around Christmas time, for extra money. Don't want to be broke like last year on Christmas... i'd like to be able to buy something for some people this year. Even if it's just a little something... it was kinda hard last year, being laid off and all for almost 3.5 months... There were other things I wanted to talk about, but they don't feel important right now, and I can hear Jeremie being back from the neighbours, so i'm just going to leave it at that. I'll talk about it some other time... hopefully this entry will actually post, this time! Happy New Brunswick day & Happy Birthday to my favorite person!!!
Today is Jerr's 25th birthday! I can't believe it's already here... feels like we were talking about it months ago, and it was just yesterday! I know I say this often, but my god time flies! I kinda feel bad for not being able to afford to get him anything though... I know we had already talked about our birthdays, because they're so closed together (his is today, mine is on the 14th), and we had said no gifts because we couldn't afford it, and that the huge party would be kinda our "gift" to each other, but still... I wish I would of been able to get him something. I guess gifts aren't what matters, but still... you know what I mean!
We had a great weekend though!! When we left for Bathurst Friday after I was done work, we decided that instead of staying at his sister's for the night, we were going to go camping at a campground instead, for Friday and Saturday night. And we had a really good time! It was our first time actually camping (if you don't count that time we went camping at his friend's camp with the tent). When we got there it was kinda raining, so I was worried we might have to set up the tent in the rain, but no.. right when we got to our site, the rain stopped!! So we were able to set up the tent (in the dark) and even have a little bonfire with a couple drinks. So that was nice! I didn't sleep very good though, that night... because we had a few drinks, I had to go to the bathroom often, and turns out the bathrooms were about a 5 mins walk, so it SUCKED having to walk there... especially waking up in the middle of the night, and having to go REALLY bad, and having to walk all that... but the second night was a LOT better, though... I was so exhausted from the night before, and running around all day, that I slept like a rock! So I think I liked the 2nd night better lol We were actually there (in Bathurst) for his aunt's wedding, though... she got married in a church, which no offence to any believers out there... but I would NEVER EVER get married in a church, but hers was really nice though! Shorter than I expected, for a wedding in a church. But it was nice. The reception was AMAZING... I wish my camera wasn't out for repair, because my god!! The decor was absolutely unbelievable! I was in love with the colors they had picked... it looked so romantic! They had flowers and chandeliers everywheres... so pretty! And the food was amazing! We had a 4 course meal, and around 11pm they had lobsters and all kinds of stuff! It was amazing how much food there was!! I think we pretty much stuffed ourselves until we couldn't walk... lol. And they also had "open bar" until 10pm, so that was really nice as well! It's actually giving me a few ideas for mine, when it happens... :) So today, for his birthday, i'm not really sure what we're planning on doing... he's gone outside for a bit, and then I don't know... whatever he feels like doing, I guess! Pretty awesome that New Brunswick day is today though! Gives us both the day off :) Anyway, I should probably go take a shower, and be ready for whatever, when he comes back... hope everyone has a great day! A more positive entry, finally... // LOVE // summerI can't believe that i'm going to be 23 years old in a few weeks... I feel so old!! I remember turning 19 like it was yesterday... time seriously flies as you grow older! I remember older people telling me the exact same thing when I was younger, but I always thought, for some reason, that they were exaggerating... I guess they weren't! I really hope things gets better soon...
It's really weird how this site used to be so popular, and I would have 5 entries to read whenever I would miss just one day of coming on here, and now whenever I come online, I barely get one... I don't think they should of ever changed the website... i'm sure they lost alot of people when they did (and almost myself, to be honest). I usually don't mind changes, i'm used to everything changing all the time... but I have to say, this is not a great one.
So Jeremie is gone to Bathurst (about 3 hours away) to visit his cousin and sister... he's not working right now, but should start a permanent position for the Federal Gov. (finally!!) July 12th, if nothing has changed.. so he figured he could go visit some of his family since he doesn't know when the next time he will have some time off, will be. Pretty nice of his part, I think... the part I don't like so much, is that since he couldn't afford to take the train (obviously I can't drive him because i'm working) or the bus, or whatever... he decided to find a drive in Kijiji. Which, I think, is kinda stupid... I mean, would you take a drive from some random person you don't even know, and be stuck in the car with them for 3 whole hours?? What if they're psycho, or whatever... there wouldn't even be a way for you to know, wouldn't it... but anyway, that's me being paranoid, and not trusting people, as usual... but whatever, he didn't listened to the fact it bothered me, he just told me everything would be fine, and not to worry about him, and then decided to go anyway. He left yesterday (sometime)... and he texted me somehow (he doesn't have a cell or access to a phone, or computer where he's at) to tell me he had made it in one piece. I haven't heard from him since though... but I know he doesn't have access to a phone, or internet, so it's normal, but still... I would NEVER put him in a position where he would be worried for me like that! Ever! And why? Because I know how it feels to be worried about someone... and I don't care if he doesn't see anything wrong with taking a drive with a random person, but I do! It's dangerous!! Don't you agree? Anyway, I just hope he comes home tomorrow... he said he would be back either tomorrow or Friday, but i'm REALLY hoping it's tomorrow. I don't want to spend another day worrying again... so annoying! And don't worry... he WILL know that for sure when he comes back. Anyway... other than that, not much is going on... the interview for NBCC went pretty well, I think. They told me I should find out if I got the job or not in 3-4 weeks, and that was 2 weeks ago, so I should find out soon... if I don't get it though, they won't notify me... i'll have to check out the website once in a while to find out if they hired someone or not yet. So far (haven't checked it today yet though) they are still in the interview process. So atleast they haven't hired anyone yet... which is good!! It means I still have a chance to have it. I don't know how big my chances are, but it's better than not having any at all, I know that for sure! If I don't get that job though, depending if they give me a raise at my 6months at work, I MIGHT (big might) go back to RBC... I have been thinking about it for a while now, and I don't know... it's the only thing I can think of to be able to pay all my bills without not having any money left for anything, and for being able to help out with the house, and everything. And my experience at Caisse Populaire (where i'm at now) would definately help getting me into a branch sooner, too. So I don't know... I feel like it's my only option, if I don't get a raise, or if I don't get the job at NBCC. Because I can't keep on living on what i'm living now... it's just not going to happen. I'm too broke all the time... sometimes I don't even know if I can afford to buy food, or put gas in my car! We're also on the verge of losing the house (which I haven't told anyone about, because it's so embarassing)... maybe on the verge of bringing my car back too, and getting something cheaper. Things are just not going well... at all. And no matter how much I try not to think about it, the reality is, I can't even sleep at night anymore... it's seriously getting too much for me to handle. Soooo... RBC seems to be my last option, at this point.. atleast it would help out by alot working there, and I would be able to pay off what I owe a little faster. Because right now.. it's just not happening. I'm just putting myself into even more debts, if that's even possible... I don't know though,... i'm going to wait and see what happens... it's all going to depend on a few things, but if I go back to RBC, I have to know that i'll be there for a while (even if I start hating it again). Because if I go back... i'm going to have no choice, but to beg for my job back, pretty much. So it would look really bad if I left a few months later. But anyway... we'll see what happens... hopefully things will get better soon. I don't even know if this entry makes any sense? // fakers & ass-kissers
So i'm really hoping that I do have an actual chance at the interview, and that i'm not putting my hopes up for nothing... because now, i'm really looking forward to that interview and making a good impression, and hopefully leave where i'm at soon. Kind of sick of fakers, and ass-kissers... because trust me... there is plenty where I work at.
I really realized today at our "staff party" how different I am from them... I mean, not ALL of them, but most of them. They're just so fake! They'll kiss whoever's ass they have to kiss to get somewheres, and then turn around and back talk them... or pretend they're all sweet and innocent, and talk shit as soon as no one (but me) hears them. It really pisses me off... because I can say ONE small comment when no one is around, and get in shit for it, when it's not even that bad compared to what everyone else says. But what everyone else says is a total different story, because they can't do no wrong. Nope! *rolls eyes* I'm just SO sick of it... everyone who knows me, know that I am NOT the type of person to do whatever it takes for someone to like me, and all of them are exactly the opposite, and it drives me nuts! I just feel like i'm on a completely different planet... i'm always by myself in a corner keeping to myself, and I HATE working in an environment like that. In fact, i've barely EVER had to work in an environment like that... i've never had any trouble making friends at work, and getting along with people. I've always got along very well with anyone I worked with.. unless they had some type of attitude problem, and hated me for no reason, but that has probably happened once (not counting where I work now). But there... I've never really felt welcomed, or wanted, or involved in any way, shape, or form... and I noticed they don't even make the other new people feel that way, it seems like it's just me. So apparentely i'm the problem, then. Obviously, i'm way too different from the people I work with... I don't know. It makes me miss RBC really bad, sometimes. I LOVED the people I worked with there, we were like a family! And I honestly miss the money I was making there as well... but I can't go back, because I know that type of job (call centres) is not for me. But still... things have to be pretty friggin' bad for me to even consider going back there! Don't you think? Being happy at work, and liking the people you work with, always mattered to me, because work is almost your second home... after all, we spend probably half our lives there. But i'm not happy there... no matter how hard I try to be nice to everyone, and sell stuff, it doesn't even matter, because no one cares, or notices, because they're too concentrated on their own selves. So tonight I decided, whatever... it doesn't matter anymore... i'm going to keep on doing my job (well) and nevermind everybody else. I'll just keep on looking around, in case I don't get the job at NBCC. Keep all my doors open... never know, something might come up. Anyway... i'm done for tonight. I don't even know if this entry makes any sense... lol. Hope everyone has a great weekend! |
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