mashuki , 24

Wow, I really haven't written anything in here since April?? Holy... I didn't realized that it had been this long!! Wow... time flies, I guess! lol

Things are going fairly well with me... still liking it at my job, but I can't help but to try to find s omething else... once again, it just doesn't pay enough! I thought I would be okay in the beggining, but i'm not... having trouble making ends meet, and if it keeps going this way, i'll never be able to pay off (or atleast pay down a little) my credit cards... it's just never going to happen! Doesn't help that Jeremie raised a little what he was charging me to live here, but it's not like he has a choice either, because he can't afford to pay everything for 2 people... it's just impossible. And he also is not getting offered anything for work... because he's not able to finish his last 2 exams in time, meaning after next week, I think, he's jobless until the government needs him again. *sigh*  We even thought about maybe having to get rid of the house the other night... I really hope it doesn't come to that point, because I love it here! It's so quiet, and nice... but if things keep on going the way they're going... we won't have a choice. We'll have to move back in town (right now we're living more in the country) and get an appartment. Which I don't want to do... living in town again would be kinda nice in a way (cheaper in gas) but what would happen to our pets? And we wouldn't be able to do half the things we do now (like bonfires on the weekend, making noise, ect.). So i'm hoping it doesn't get to that point.. but again... not putting my hopes up. Because it's not looking good.  :(

I hate having to worry about money all the time... it's so stressful and exhausting! Makes me wonder how the hell was I able to live like I did last summer... going out almost every night, buying clothes all the time, etc.. now if I need a shirt (like actually need one) or shoes, tough luck... can't afford it! It's really to the point where I have to sell stuff (like my xbox and GPS) to be able to even afford rent! Like really... even if I was in love with my job (which is not the case, by the way!) I couldn't afford to stay there. It's just reality... I need something that pays better. Not like I can ask for a raise either... I haven't even finished my 6 months probation yet. And even so... i'm sure the raise (if I would even get one) would be next to nothing.

*sigh*

So yeah... I started looking around, sort of, for a new job... thought about getting something on the side, but don't think I could mentally do it... because after my shifts, i'm always too exhausted to even do anything, so imagine having a second job! I wouldn't tough more than a month, if I could even get to a month... so my only option is trying to find something that pays better. And believe me... it's really not easy around here. Unless you work for the government... there isn't much options.

I found a position at the University in admin, and also one at NBCC (community college) in admin, that sounded interesting. Both pays very well! Like 1.5 times more than I do now... never heard back from University, but NBCC emailed me last week, and I had to go for testings on Excel, Word and email 2007 this morning. Unfortunately... 16 people were picked for that testing. So my chances are slim. BUT... I was talking with another girl that finished at the same time I did, and she was saying that she was told that the campus was expanding quite a bit, and that every department would need an admin, so she thinks they're going to be hiring more than one person. I sure hope she's right! Because that would give me a better chance... they only contact the people they were interested in from the testing so... hopefully i'll be one of the lucky ones... i'm usually pretty good at face to face interviews, unless i'm a nervous wreck. lol.  If I can get to that stage, I would be a pretty decent chance, I think.  So keep your fingers crossed for me!! That job would help me out SO much...

Other than that, not much has been happening... don't think i've mentionned it yet, since my last entry was in April, but Jeremie bought me a ring! A very pretty one at that! (of course because he made me pick it out lol)  Not an engagement ring, obviously... we're not ready for that just yet (especially financially)... but just because. :)  He's really THE best boyfriend ever!! Not just because of the ring, but because of all the things he does for me... he's just the sweetest! And he makes me the happiest girl on earth :)  If it wouldn't be of our money situation, everything would be perfect... but I guess I can't ask for too much... I rather be in love with the best man in the world, and him being in love with me, than being rich, anyway! (even though extra money wouldn't hurt, for sure! lol)

Well anyway, I think i'm just going to leave it at that... just wanted to write a little something since it had been so long!

I hope everyone is doing well! I read your journals whenever I can!
hopefully i'll be able to come on more often though... if we can fix the internet problem we've been having...

Have a great weekend everyone!

Today I had to drive Jeremie to the airport on my lunch, because he's going to some government job fair over there... he's just gone for 3 days (not even, really!) but my god... I miss him SO much already!! :(  I seriously cried when I dropped him off... it was pretty pathetic, considering it's not that long,  but it is the longest we've been without seeing each other, i'm pretty sure... and sleeping all alone for 2 nights, is not something i'm looking forward to! I'm also going to miss his cooking so bad... :(  I wish he didn't have to go...

At first I was actually supposed to go with him, it was supposed to fall on a weekend, and his work (he works casual for the government for a few years now... which means he is only allowed to have 90 days contracts at a time, and he has no benefits, no vacation, or sick days) but it ended up falling today (tuesday), tomorrow, and Thursday so I couldn't go with him. :(  If I could of gotten the days off, I would of went, mostly because I never been in Ottawa, but there was no way I was getting time off so... it sucks.

He's there for a job fair that the federal government is having... at first he was just going for the experience of all the  interviews, because he had been offered a position here in town after he was done his contract (meaning, the government was actually going to hire him, and he would get vacation time, benefits, sick days, etc.) but now apparentely it's going to someone else, that's on the "priority" list, so now he's actually going there hoping to find a job. So it's a little more pressure on him.. he was pretty nervous today, especially since he doesn't know anyone there, and he's never been to Ottawa either (and i'm not going). Poor guy... he's worrying for nothing, i'm sure... he'll find something, i'm so positive of it! He's a really smart guy, so I wouldn't see who wouldn't want to hire him... plus he has a lot of experience with the government so. I'm sure he'll find something. :)

Only thing is... when you put your name for those kinda job fairs, you have to specify where you would be willing to work, and he said PEI, NB (where we are now), or Newfounland.. so there's a chance he finds something, but it wouldn't be here. And that would REALLY suck... because depending where it is, of course, and if I can find a job there myself, I am willing to follow him. So if it's PEI, it's not too bad... but if it's Newfoundland.. I don't know... I wouldn't be able to go, i don't think... but at the same time, I wouldn't be able to be without him either. I just love that guy SO damn much, you guys have no idea... if I can barely see myself without him 3 days, imagine if he would live far away! Newfoundland is like 16 hours from here... it's not a small drive that I can make whenever I want! You know?

I don't really want to think about that now, because it's too soon to tell what he's going to get offered (if anything, which he probably will) and I don't want to panic, or stress over something that might not even be a problem... but still... there's that possibility that we would have to move, and it's kinda scary. Especially since we haven't been together for that long yet... and I barely just moved here (with him) a few months ago... and I love it here! I have most of my friends, and family here, and so does he. So.. I don't know. He wanted to know though how I felt about all of it... he asked me which one I would pick between Charlottetown (PEI) or Fredericton (NB) because he thinks that's where most of the jobs are, and he doesn't want to make a decision without my okay. I answered Fredericton, just because you don't have to pay for a stupid bridge to get there, like in PEI. But honestly, I don't think I would really care... I love PEI, and he thinks I would probably get a job faster there, since i'm bilingual (and most people aren't there) so... I don't know... it would all depends on how fast I can find a job and everything else... I don't know.

I'm probably thinking WAY ahead of myself again.. lol.  But I just thought it was really sweet that he wanted to know what I wanted, because it shows he wouldn't do it just for himself, because it has to suit both of us. So shows me right there that he is very considerate of my feelings as well. Which is one of the many things I love about him... but anyway. I rather not think of it too much... he's supposed to call me tonight, and tomorrow night from the hotel to let me know how things are, so we'll take it a day at a time, and see what happens! All I really know is that I don't want to be without him... and wherever he is, it's my home so. I'm willing to follow him. And yes.. I know.. i sound crazy! But you know what? It's an experience, and a risk, i'm willing to take with him... and who knows... maybe it'll all be for the better! You just never know...

Well anyway, I should probably go get dressed... my neighbour is going to an aerobic class, and she invited me to join her (it's free the first time) and we're leaving soon, and i'm not even dressed for it yet! So I should probably go..

Thanks again to all those who still read, and respond... really appreciated!!


P.S. In regards to my last entry... his ex did come get her stuff that Friday I was talking about, while I was gone, but everything went fine... I think she realized that there's no way he's going back to her, or maybe she has really moved on... either way, everything is good, and we're both hoping to never hear from her again. lol.