mashuki , 24

I'm really glad that this week is finally over... it's been a super long and stressful week for me.

It was Old Pension Age this week, and also being the end of the month, there's all the welfare checks and all that coming in, so we were extremely busy all week at work. And when I mean extremely busy, I mean, line ups that goes almost outside busy (and that was the whole day!). It was insane... and I screwed up quite a few times this week, sometimes even more than once on the same transaction, so let's just say I wasn't feeling quite "happy go lucky" by the time the day was over. Thursday was definately the worst though... horrible day all over. Worst part was, Thursday is actually our longest day of the week (we only finish at 7:30) so I literally wanted to pull my hair out. I was so frustrated and upset by the day was over, I bursted into tears the second I got home, and cried pretty much the whole night. It was horrible...

I know i'm new at my job, and it's normal to make mistakes, but it's so embarassing when you keep making the same mistake over and over again! I just hate not knowing what i'm doing most of the time.. it frustrates me. I'm not even going to deny it, I like being in control, especially at work. And when i'm not, it just pisses me off. But I guess it'll take some time before I know how to do everything correctly... but still.

And let's not talk about my financial situation either, because just thinking about that, I could almost puke. I thought I would be okay once I start working, and everything, but I didn't thought I would get kicked out of my "mother"s house, and not have any help whatsoever, and have to live 25 mins away from work, and waste I dont know how much money on gas every week. It's pretty much a miracle that I've managed to keep my car for this long, honestly... with the delay payments I had to do in the last 3-4 months... I actually had to call them last week because I realized I couldn't afford to pay my monthly payment, so now i'm paying bi-weekly instead.. comes to the same thing at the end, but it's easier for me to pay it. Because if I would of kept it monthly, the payment would of left me with like $40-$50 from my pay, until the next one (I get paid weekly, but still... I need to buy groceries, pay something on my credit cards and cell phone bill, and gas...)

So yeah... things are kinda rough right now... I hate worrying about not being able to pay something, or not having anything left for food or gas... never had to worry about that before... until I got laid off from my other job. If I wouldn't of been stupid, I would of sucked it up, and stayed at RBC longer... but nope, I couldn't handle it.. I absolutely had to look for another job, and then get laid off from the new one! *rolls eyes*  It friggin' sucks... i'm clearly not making anything close to what I was making at RBC at Caisse Populaire... but i'm still not making that bad! It's just all the little things they automatically take money off your paycheck for... it adds up to almost $200 every week. It's annoying...

I should atleast get my last T4 soon though, if it's not already in the mail... so I can do my taxes, and hopefully not owe any money to the government. If I do... I think i'm going to cry myself into a coma, because I can't take much more of this money issue thing... it seriously keeps me up at night. I hate this...


On a brighter note... my friend Steph from Bathurst is coming here for the weekend, and since her bday is Tuesday, we're celebrating her bday tonight, while she's here... so we're all meeting up at Janie's for supper, then we're going to have a few drinks, and maybe go out. I can't wait! I need a good time with friends, and lots of laughs right now... and a few drinks won't hurt, i'm sure!!

Anyway, I should probably go, I have a few things to do before going to janie's. Sorry for the kinda depressing entry, but that's the story of my life.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

So I definately had the best Valentine's Day/weekend ever...

I must be the luckiest girl on earth to be with someone so great... I don't know what I did to deserve him, but my god! He definately is the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. Really.

He surprised me after work Friday (I was done at 6:30, he's always done work at 4, I think) and told me he wanted to take me out for supper. So we walked downtown, and decided to try this place called City Grill, since we both had heard so many good things about it, but never went. It was pretty packed though, when we got there, even though it was about 7pm... so we waited at the bar, and had a few drinks. It was nice! The food wasn't so great, honestly... I don't think I would go back for the food (the service wasn't super great either) but the drinks were awesome!! I didn't know what to have, so I asked the bartender what was his most popular drink (except beer of course, I hate beer!) and he made me try this drink called a Melonball Martini... it had Melon liqueur, vodka and pineapple juice in it... delicious!! So you can imagine I had a few of those... and since we went there with my car, I had to ask Jeremie to drive, because I had too much to drink. lol.  (which is a first, by the way... I never let anyone drive my car! even my own dad never drove it!)

Saturday night was pretty fun too, we got invited to go to the Motorbike show thingy at the Coliseum (sp?) by my dad, and ended up all going in for free because ladies got in free, and my dad got 2 free tickets from some random person at the last min, so that was awesome!! There were a lot of really nice bikes... I took lots of pictures, too :)  Once they're all uploaded i'll post them on here, so you can see! I'm not the biggest motor bike fan ever, as in I would never picture myself driving one (well maybe not), but I do love getting rides on them!! It's a lot of fun. :)  And Jeremie has one, so i'll definately be getting some rides this summer! Can't wait!!

Sunday was probably the best day out of all the weekend though (for obvious reasons lol).
Jeremie spent a part of the night before preparing my "surprise" for Valentine's Day, so when I had to go upstairs to use the bathroom at 4am, he had to blindfold me so I wouldn't see it. lol.  The surprise was that he had left little pieces of paper shaped in hearts all over the house, with "hints" as to where the next one was, until I got to the last one and it told me where my "surprise" was. he wrote things like "i love it when you make me breakfast in the morning, makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world" and put it on the table downstairs, so that hint to me that he wanted me to go upstairs in the kitchen for my next "hint", and all sort of things like that... I thought it was the sweetest thing a guy ever done for me!! He even took some food coloring and made a HUGE heart in the snow in the backyard, and wrote "Je t'aime" (I love you in french)! It was so cute! I almost went in tears when I saw that... I just thought it was the sweetest thing ever. :)

I never got treated so well, or felt so special, by any of my ex's... ever! He makes me feel like a queen, literally... he treats me like i'm the best thing that has ever happened to him (and tells me all the time that I am), and it's just so weird! In a good way, though... just not used to it, you know? I am never letting this guy go... I swear! I love him to pieces!

I hope everyone else had a great Valentine's Day, though! Even if you're not with anyone at the moment... Valentine's Day is not just to show your significant other how much they mean to you, but your friends, and family as well. I'm sure everyone agrees... we would be lost without them! So  i think it's important to show them we care :)



P.S. In case you guys didn't get it yet.. i'm writing this entry from my new lap top! YAY! :D (pictures to come soon!)

Hey everyone!

feels good to finally be able to get ahold of a computer... you have no idea how much it sucks not having internet access, and needing it for work. :(   Kinda annoying to always have to come to my dad's to use his, but shouldn't be for much longer... i'm looking into buying a new lap top sometime this week, so I should be able to come on kiwi again regurlaly! YAY!! lol

So to update you guys quickly, because I don't have much time...
I ended up having to move in a HUGE storm the Friday before the day I was actually supposed to move (not the Friday that just passed, the one before that) because my "mother" was being once again,  a total BIATCH and told me I had until 11:30pm that night to move out! In a huge storm on top of that... we got i'm sure close to 25cms that day. And the roads weren't plowed in Memramcook (where Jeremie lives) of course, so that was even more fun! NOT...  thank god for having atleast one decent parent though! My god, I don't know what I would of done without my dad... he even rented a U-Haul for me at the very last min that night, and drove it all the way to Memramcook and back (it's about 20 mins one way, in the storm, took us almost an hour to get there)! I didn't have any money whatsoever to rent a truck, I wasn't supposed to even have to rent one, but of course, my life sucks ass, and so does my so called "mother", so that's how it had to be. But whatever.. I don't care... i'm done caring for ignorant people that don't deserve it, so this time, i'm definately not going to try to be nice and keep in contact with her. HELL NO!!  But anyway.. i'm way more happy at Jeremie's... even though it's a drive to get to work everyday, but whatever. Atleast i'm appreciated there...

Oh, and did I mentionned that it was so bad at one point, that I almost had to call the cops on her? YEAH... I was telling my dad what she was doing/saying and my dad kept on telling to me to call the cops, or he would. She wouldn't let me take the computer my DAD lent me, with me, because the way the internet and cable was hooked up, you needed the modem plugged into a computer tower for it to work, and Aliant couldn't come switch it back until like 5 days later, so she ripped the computer tower out of my hands, and crap... yeah, it was bad!! Not even exaggerating... my dad didn't want to come in and help getting the stuff out when he got there, because he was so mad at her, he told me later he could of probably slapped her. And honestly... I would of probably root for him if he would of!! Not that hitting people is the answer... but it would of felt SO damn good! You have no friggin' idea...

That one month and a half (yes, it was only that long!!) that I lived there was the most miserable month and a half in my life. And I mean that... she made my life a living nightmare, basically. And for that, i'm not even going to bother paying her the month's internet I owe her, or the $100 a month I was supposed to give her every month to help out. FUCK THAT! She can kiss my friggin' ass, if she even think i'm going to do that for her... what a biatch, really.  Makes me sad that my "mother" is that way, but i'm almost used to it now. Count yourself lucky those that have a decent one... don't take it forgranted. Imagine.. you could have mine!!

Other than that... things are good. Really good, actually. I had a full week of training at work, where we sat in class and had a teacher via webcam explaining the job, and whatnot. At the end of the week, we had an "exam", and I was almost sure I had failed (I just felt really unsure the whole time the exam took place) but ended up passing with an 84%! So i'm pretty proud about that :)  Today I was supposed to shadown for half the day, and then go on cash, but I didn't felt ready enough... I wanted to shadow the whole day, and then start cash tomorrow. Plus it was pretty busy all day. So I think that helped a lot... I feel a little bit better about tomorrow now. :)

Me and Jeremie are still going great... don't think I could ever ask for a better boyfriend, really!! As crazy as this may sound, i've been wondering lately if he's "the one" (I know, already.. lol). But really... he makes me super happy, and I couldn't ask for anything better than him. He really is the best. Reminds me of my dad, in the sense that he supports me 100% no matter what, and loves me no matter what, and is willing to do anything for me (I think him helping my dad move my stuff that Friday, in that huge storm, pretty much proved it). I know it's weird that he reminds me of my dad, but you guys know what I mean! :P  It's all in the good way :)


Well anyway, talking about my dad.. he just yelled at me that supper is ready, so I should probably go! Going to look at laptops with him after that so :)

Thanks to all those who still take the time to read, very much appreciated!! :)

Take care & hopefully talk to you guys again soon!! xoxoxo

So, lots to update you guys on!!

For those who are on my facebook, you already know... but for those who aren't; I got a job! :D
I had an interview Thursday afternoon for a company called Assumption (insurance), and got a call not too long after sayng I got the job, so I accepted it... wasn't my first choice, because of the pay ($12/hour), it was only a casual position (for 8 months), no vacation time, and I had to pay around $105/month for parking (ridiculous, right?).  But I figured... well, if that's all I can get for now, then this willl have to do! So I told her I would take it. I would start the Monday coming up.
But then... I got a call back from Caisse Populaire, and she offered me a job too! A job I thought I would personally like more... pays better ($13.50/hour), vacation time, and don't have to pay for parking.. AND it's a position for atleast 12 months (very good possibility on being permanent). So I had to make a decision, and obviously... I ended up picking Caisse Populaire, so I had to call Assumption Monday morning to let her know I wouldn't take it. I still feel kinda bad about that... because they seemed like they really wanted me there. But... I decided to be selfish for once, and take the job I would actually like AND it pays better so... yeah :P
I started my job just today actually... and it was really fun! We just mostly met everyone, and then visited the Caisse of Dieppe, and then did a little bit of job shadowing for about 2 hours. I like it so far! Very different from RBC though... but I like it :)
Another awesome thing... they pay weekly! Do you know how awesome is that?! I had told Channy I wouldn't be able to make it for her bday, because I thought I would only get paid on the 18th, and that's it, but i'll get paid... 5 times by then, so maybe i'll be able to go now!! :D  (Channy if you read this, still not 100% sure, but i'll def see what I can do!) And not only that, but we get 5 days of vacation (just because we arrived half way through their calendar year), but next year, starting June 2011... I would get 3 friggin' weeks paid vacation! I was SO excited when I found that out! You can't even imagine... I never got 3 weeks vacation anywhere!! So that's super awesome for me. :)

On a shitty note though... once again, my "mother" is being a total BIATCH (like always) and she's giving me 2 weeks to move out (thanks a lot for the help.. NOT) so guess where i'm moving? Jeremie's! I thought at first that it might be too early, but he really wants me to move with him... and has been wanting me to for weeks. but I just wanted to take my time with that (considering the bad experience with Phil), but... we had been practically been living together for weeks now (i'm always at his place, so I don't have to deal with my so called "mother"s  fits), so I think we're going to be fine. :)  Well, I hope! And honestly... it's not like I have anywhere else to go, anyway...

But atleast I have a job now... and I have my friends, and Jeremie, and my family... my dad said he would help me out the best he can (good to know I can always count on my dad!) and a lot of my friends surprisingly supported my decision of moving with him (I thought they would say it was too soon, but nope! they all love him anyway lol), so... that's all that counts in the end, right? As for my "mother"... I don't want to see, talk or hear about her. EVER. Some of you might think it's overreacting, but for those who know me, and know what she did to me in the past.. I know you'll understand. The rest well.. you'd have to read my past entries, I really don't feel like getting into it tonight... all you need to know is that she's a controlling bitch, and always has been, and manipulates people.. and there's a reason why my dad divorced her, and why Caroline (sister) refuses to have anything to do with her either.

But anyway... I'm going to leave it at that for now... i'm moving this weekend (probably saturday), and Jeremie doesn't have the internet right now, so I won't be able to get to anyone's journals for alittle while (sometimes I read them from my blackberry though! so if I do, i'll try to leave a little comment if it lets me) but i'll def try my best to keep you guys updated no matter what!

Wish me luck!

Later guys xoxoxo

So I found out this morning that I didn't get the job at Manheim (the one I wanted the most)... it sucks, but I had a feeling I wouldn't get it. I didn't thought I had enough sales experience to have the job, and I was right. I'm not giving up on the other jobs though... i'm waiting for my friend Steph to find the # for the company insurance her father deals with, so I can call them and ask them what's up (he said he would "keep in touch" with me, but he never did, but Steph's dad said he would most likely not call me until mid Jan. anyway), and i'm also waiting for a call back from Caisse Populaire, to see the results of my testing from almost 2 weeks ago... and I have been applying at other places in the meantime, so i'm bound to get a call back from someone soon. I hope!

I even applied at the call centre for the Fairmont Hotels... I didn't really want to at first, not because I didn't thought i'd like it, but because Adam (a guy I dated this summer for a little while) works there, and I thought it might be awkward, but meh... at this point.. even if it is awkward, fuck it! I'll suck it up, and do the job... they pay somewhat decent too (starts at $12.50/hour + 50 cents bonus for bilinguals) and there's full benefits (I believe you don't even pay for them, but probably only starts after 3 months though). So I couldn't complain if I got the job... and apparentely they have training classes pretty often, so I would most likely start soon. And I would get a discount on hotel rooms (again, most likely after my 3 months probation is over) so... that's pretty awesome too! I don't know why I didn't think about applying there sooner... i'm stupid, sometimes!

I've been at Jeremie's house for the last few days... I can't stand being "home" anymore... my mom drives me completely NUTS... she even called my dad last Thursday night when we had that argument... she hasn't changed at ALL. I don't know why people say she has... because it's not true. She's still as controlling, manipulative, and selfish as before. Whatever... if I can get a job soon, I will hopefully be able to be out of there soon. I can't wait!

Things with Jeremie have been going extremely well though.. he's a total sweetheart, and I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend!! I know i've said this before, but I never thought I would ever feel the way I feel right now, again... especially after Phil... i'm so happy that I have found him!! He makes me really happy. :)

Sorry that my entries have been pretty depressing lately, but I need to vent out somewhere... and Kiwi has always been the only place I could. Makes me feel better, though! :)

I hope everyone had a great weekend!
take care