midnightbreeze2 , 24

I am a girlfriend who has a boyfriend...this does not happen often.

I am happy, but I'm also feeling really anxious. I, however, keep telling myself that it will pass and it's just me reverting back to my self presevation strategies. I just don't want to hurt him; that would break my heart.

It was sweet when I asked him...we were walking down the street and I tried to pry it out of him,...but he wouldn't ask the question so I (finally) dug up some courage and  asked "So...how would you feel if we made this official?"...at which point he exhaled deeply, hugged me and proceeded to pick me up off the ground. Then kissed me. I haven't ever seen him smile like that. It was sort of...flattering...i guess? looking for the right words...It seems unbelievable that anyone would be that excited over me. I know I make myself seem like I have this huge ego, and I do...I know I'm a worthwhile person...but I think I kind of beat the relationship girl out of me these past years...so it seems weird that anyone would want to start a relationship, especially a long distance one, with me.

I just don't want this to fizzle out right away.

that would epically suck.

I know this isn't much...but frankly...the other stuff I wanna keep to myself.

To the grave.

Linda

So I think I really like him...

Well...there's this guy. His name is Brandon...Long story short, he was a friend of a friend who became one of my best friends and now we're dating...he's actually coming up from Halifax, a city about 3 hours drive from here for my birthday.

:)

He wants to be my boyfriend. And I think I really want to be with him.

It's weird to be writing about this, but I think it needs to come out of me somehow. He makes me very happy, I get all smiley when I think about him, and I trust him a lot, with almost anything. That is a big deal for me, so I am really glad to have found someone that I don't need to worry about impressing them or being something special...because Brandon thought I was special just being who I am, no matter what that means.

That is...spectacular.

He doesn't want to push me or wants anything from me that I'm not ready to give. I think he understands that I am a scared little girl inside me...I don't trust guys normally. I tend to expect that there is some deep rooted bad-ness inside them that I should watch out for. I don't like all the variables in the equations of love, so to speak.

However, I already know Brandon very well, which makes me confident that I don't need to worry. I haven't dated a guy who I was friends with since I fell in love the first time. I managed to screw that up with my fear, so of course I am afraid that I will do it again. I don't want to hurt Brandon, I just could not do it. He is so amazing and deserves a good girl, and I'm not entirely sure if that's who I am.

But, I know this much, we make each other happy. He is the first person I think about most days, and when I'm alone, or it's quiet, or I'm driving around...I wish he was there all the time. That must mean something right? I can't really remember how this all goes...but I think I'm on the right road.

Thoughts?

If there is one complaint or worry about him...it's that I'm not entirely sure he's completely honest with himself about things. Like, I think he tries to change his words or ideas to please me. I don't want him to think he isn't good enough. Because he is. very much so. But I know he gets down on himself a lot. It's a complete 180 from who I am. I am very self confident, I admit my flaws readily, but also know what my strengths are. I know that despite my shortcomings, at the end of the day, I like who I am. I'm worried that he doesn't know himself well enough to love himself, and see himself as others do.

Is this a problem?

I don't really know at this point. I just want to be with him.

Well Girls...I'd really like your input.

Linda
xoxox

Hello Kiwi-goers :)

This is Linda, aka the former midnite_breeze2. I couldn't seem to delete my old blog so I decided to just start up a new one. A clean slate for once in my life.

I'm single, so far.
Majoring in English Lit. at l'université de Moncton.
no kids
no pets
live with my mom and family
work at a grocery store.

that's pretty much it.

so I'll start tomorrow with the highlights of monday :)

Later :)