orgygirly , 25

So, I had some pizza today.  I know I know, I'm on a diet... but I watched how many calories I was consuming and I didn't really eat much of anything else today.  I'm thinking of making some Green Tea now.  It's supposed to help with weight loss, but it hasn't been proven.  I don't know if it works, but it tastes yummy =)

I weighed myself today.  368 from 381.  I wish I could just melt it all off.  Although long term I'd like to be under 200, I'll be so insanely happy if I break 300.  Right now, I'm just trying to aim for breaking 350.  I really need to do this.

I still just cant believe I ever let it get this bad.

This will be my first (sucessfully posted) blog.  I typed on earlier... of epic lengths... and somehow when I hit submit the page didn't load and it was lost.  Im not going to type the entire thing again... it used every character of space available. 

So I'm 22 years old and morbidly obese.  I'm 5'9" and currently weigh 371 pounds.  That's 10 pounds down since I started my diet one week ago at 381.  I'm sure it's mostly water.  Bigger people have the capacity to lose more quickly because there's so many more calories to cut out, and our bodies take more calories to function.  I've been  big my entire life, but I've never been this big.  I've dieted and lost, then quit and gained... over and over again.  About two years ago I lost 50 pounds in three months, trying to make some stupid boy happy.  I ended up getting the boy but he ended up being an abusive psycho asshole.  I was with him until the end of October 2009, when the abusive cheating bastard left me for another girl.  He should probably die.  I'm with someone else now. Regardless, I'm bigger than ever again. 

What can  I say?  I love food.  I love to eat.  I eat obsessively and blindly.  I eat when I'm happy, sad, hungry, full... I just eat.  I'm trying again to fix it, because I want to live.  I want to have kids someday... and then I want to see them grow up.

Because of my size and my eating habbits, my blood pressure is very high.  It was in hypertension level two last time I went to the doctor.  That's bad.  Very very bad.  They took me off of birth control for fear it would kill me.  I now have an IUD which I had put in September 2009. 

I'm eating about 1500 calories a day now... trying to undo my damage.  I'm used to eating probably upwards of 4,000.  I'm hungry and sad.  I've never until this week noticed how many food commercials are on.  Steak N Shake and Arbys are out to get me.  They found the channels I watch and doubled up on the adds.  Okay so maybe not... but it feels like it.

My fat cells are screaming for mercy.  I cried yesterday because I wanted something fattening and deep fried so badly.  I didn't give in.  My boyfriend isn't helping... he offered to go pick me up something.  ARG. 

If anyone else is going through this horrid weight loss ordeal as well... I could use a support buddy =P

Anyway, if you read this... thanks!