rachelinalaska , 22

"Here laid to rest is our love ever longed"

I've been fighting off certain thoughts and feelings lately that have been slowly making me bitter. I can't seem to turn a corner without something bringing them up again. I guess I'm the only one to blame, considering I opened the door even knowing what would happen when I did. Maybe once the inevitable unchanging makes itself known, as it always does, I'll be able to close it again. If I'm strong enough to.

This is gonna be a quicky. Well today was fucking horrible! So I had major stomach pains all night that kept me up, so I woke up late. I rushed to get ready for work and was so happy that I still had JUST enough time to get my morning coffee at the gas station. Well right after I put the sugar in it the fucking thing SPILT ALL OVER ME. So I ended up not getting coffee and went to work to find that the heat was turned off. So I was freezing my ass off all day. Not to mention I almost got taken out by a huge ass semi truck which is always fun...

ANYWAY I am sooooo glad today is almost over and tomorrow is my Friday. Right now I have some mustard chicken cooking in the oven and I'm waiting for Terence to get home. After we eat we have to major clean our place. I'm buying a treadmill for only $75 tomorrow and his friend is helping us bring it over here... meaning we'll actually be having someone inside our place. That NEVER happens lol. We're loners.

So yesterday Megan (the girl who's party I went to a few weeks ago and had to hang around that skank barbie wannabe) invited me to a "girls night". Well I am soo not the kind of person to even want any sort of night with only girls PLUS I didn't want to be put into a situation where it's just Megan, me, and Kristin (the bimbo I mentioned above). Somehow it got switched around to having a movie night at my place w/ Megan and my friend Vanessa who just moved back to AK. We'll see if it happens...

I don't know if I even mentioned that I had OCPD before but lately I've been literally obsessing about my money again. I have a problem w/ hoarding my money and getting so attached to it that when I even spend a little bit on gas or something... it's all I can think about all day. I check my bank account online at least twice a day... even if I didn't spend any money. Some people that don't understand OCPD think that I'm just being "frugal" or "spending wisely"... but it's fucking torture. It's like I can't focus on anything else and eventually obsess about it to the point of feeling sick. I think its been brought on by preparing for the winter. I have to switch over my tires, get an oil change, buy a winter jacket, work shoes, pay more towards electric, gas prices are going to sky rocket again this winter, my family wants me to fly up to visit, not to mention upcoming Holidays! Ugh! I always get so stressed over winter. It's irritating.

Anyway I'm getting off... Terence just got home :-)

So like I said last week... Terence (still) hasn't done anything for my birthday (which was last Monday). No card, no gift, no nice gesture... nothing. Like I said before, I would've been happy if he just did something... ANYTHING special for my birthday. Even just making me breakfast or straightening up the apartment or .... whatever! But I decided to kind of blow it off and just forget about it since he didn't seem like he'd make any sort of effort.

This evening I stopped by the grocery store to make us a steak dinner. I called him to see if he could pick up ketchup before I got home because they were all out. He notified me that it was his friend Anthony's birthday and he wanted to do something with him tonight to celebrate.
...

Hey girls. So today was another day off which was kinda nice. I haven't done much. I wanted to do some laundry but there's some guys working on shit in the laundry room so I'm putting it off for now. I've been awake since 7ish. Right now I'm taking a small break from trying to organize all the pictures on our computer. I actually started this project a few days ago but it's so time consuming and I'm trying to put them in different folders and everything. I'm uploading them all onto TinyPic.com or whatever and then I'll delete them all off the computer.

So in other news I decided to re-add one of my exes to my Myspace. It's hard to explain because... even though he's manipulating, a huge jerk, Terence hates him and all that shit.. I still want to be in contact with him some way or another. So I chose the most insignificant way to do that lol... MYSPACE!

Anywaaay back to pictures.... have a good Monday.