rebelmel , 27

I make a mean baych of fudge, which I have been sending out to friends and family for the holidays. Everyone who's had it thus far has loved it.
That's where you come in. I am selling fudge through etsy to help pay my bills. I can guarantee delivery before Christmas if you order is in by midnight Friday.
Fudge comes in an airtight decorative container in your choice of:
Chocolate.
Peppermint chocolate
White chocolate.
Peppermint white chocolate.
Butterscotch.

I am pricing these at 12 dollars, shipping included, anywhere in the US.
Please help me pay my bills! Those who have already placed their orders have helped me out a great deal, and these are excellent gifts to give! If you want more details or pictures, please comment here or email me at m3lissa.Ann@gmail.com and in the subject line write FUDGE.
If you would like to order more than one container, please let me know - I can give a good discount!
Thanks everyone!

I am all for making new friends and talking to new people, but it seems as of lately every time I log onto Kiwibox, someone continuously messages me and then gets annoyed when I say that I am not one for random chat on the internet.

See, if you message me to ask me a specific question or something, that is completely cool with me. But when you message me and say I want to talk to you, please email me. That is kind of weird, right?

I like to make status updates, and I like comments on those, or guestbook posts, or picture comments. Stuff that makes sense, but when I get messages saying that someone is looking for a serious relationship and begs me to reply when we had only been online friends for ten minutes? That makes me want to scream "Is there a way to turn of kiwichat!?"

Don't get me wrong, friends, if you want to ask me something, or you are fairly normal, I don't mind getting chatted with. I might not respond, I work with a lot of open windows on my laptop, I am always working on my website, my blog, my writing, my photography, talking to the new man on the internet, etc. I don't really have time to chat always!

But the entire time I was trying to write this, the annoying chat window kept opening, and regardless of how many times I said I wasn't interested in chatting right now and how I didn't want to email someone, I kept being badgered.

How annoying.

But even at that, it was still amazing.

The new guy and I were searching for a place that was still open so we could get a drink. Here in Mass the bars close at two, and some of them only have the licensing for one. So clearly, the only place around is the most drama filled hipster bar in town.

We got our drinks and then people started coming over and saying hello. I introduced everyone of my friends to the new dude I am seeing, without trying to be awkward about it. Then people kept asking about the old dude, like we were still together. I had to tell a lot of people, in front of the new dude, that I had broken up with him so I could be with the new guy. It was kind of awkward for me, and probably for him too, and even the friends that asked.

But it's okay, because I am totally happy. Cuddling, hugging and kissing makes all the awkward times fade away. I've got some cute photos of us, I will be uploading them really soon!

So, I mentioned in the blog post I made the other day that I went through a really rough time and the Ex wasn't very understanding. Want to know what happened? We gotta keep this between you and I...

One week before Christmas of 2008, it was a Thursday night. Dude was at work. I was home all by my lonesome. My roommate had his key break in the door earlier that day, so when there was a knock on the door, and when I asked who it was I heard the reply of my roommates name, I thought this seemed normal.

I started to unlock the door, and before I knew it two unknown men were pushing it open and threw me into a corner, gun between my eyes, and demanded all of my money. Both the dude and I worked under the table, so we always kept a lot of cash in the house. Once they let me up off the floor, I ran to the bedroom and gave them all of our savings - $3600.00. They demanded more. I don't know what they thought this was, but I started crying even harder than I already was and told them I gave them all of my money. The threatened me and said that I better not have lied, as the flipped my mattress and kicked things around the room. They stole my new macbook pro, that was paid for on a credit card and the first payment hadn't even been made yet. They stole my cell phone because "I wasn't gonna call NO ONE."

Finally, they left. I ran into the bathroom, locked the door and cried on the floor until I heard any sort of commotion. I screamed for my roommates, and finally I saw them, and felt slightly relieved. The front door had been open for some time, and I scrambled around the apartment, making sure no one was still there, and looking for my cat.

I grabbed my roommates phone and called the Dude at work. Begged him to come home. He ran home and we called the cops. They came and inspected and that was that. It was up to me to find the man that did this to me, because the cops were clueless and continuously wrote down my descriptions wrong.

I eventually had to move because I hadn't slept in two months. I constantly was hearing noises and voices and thought they had come back after seeing the cops arrive.

I was terrified to leave the house for at least a week. After that week, it was a non stop anxiety attack. This went on for God knows how long. I eventually acquired pepper spray, started wearing sundglasses, giant clothes and dyed my hair. Anything to look like a different person.

One night, about 3 months later, I let my guard down. I walked alone at night, down a well lit road that would normally have tons of people on it. This night was awkward, I was completely alone. Ahead of me I saw four guys, and I realized that one of them looked A LOT like my attacker. I told myself over and over again that I was just being paranoid, and I just put my head down and walked quickly to pass them. As I passed them, the familiar looking man threw his hands in the air and said "WHAT!? WHAT!? What are you going to do about it!?"

I. Ran. As fast as I could. I got home and locked all three of my locks, threw a chair in front of the door, and cried for hours.

I had plenty of nightmares regarding what had happened, and those I will share a different time. But I really thought that I would never get justice.

Two months after that, I saw the man who attacked me again. This time he was hanging around outside my work. I don't know what came over me, but when I saw him from the window, I ran outside, and ran right up to him. When our eyes met, he started pointing me out to his friends and started yelling. I ran around the corner, heart beating out of my chest, and dialed 911. I was absolutely sure that he was calling friends and someone was going to come after me. But I couldn't lose him. I was so close.

He handed his friend a bag of drugs and the friend pedalled off on his bike. I called the cops over and over again, and finally they came and arrested the man. I learned his name, his address, and other things about him through google searches. He was put in jail until trial.

I got pulled out of work once in May, once in June, and three times in July for court. His lawyer played games with me. She tried to sweat me out so I would stop coming into court. She was four hours late for the first date. In July I had to go three consecutive days, and I had to testify. The judge decided that this was the man who robbed me, considering his lengthy record thus far.

Then his bail was set. $1500. Less than half of what he stole from me. He posted it within the minute, and the DA came to me and told me to run home.

I ran home and refused to leave for two weeks. Luckily I had plenty of vacation time stored up. My boss laid me off because he couldn't understand what was going on. After that, I was back to wearing sunglasses and big clothes, even though it was the middle of summer.

Later that week, the ex decided that I was worthless and clingy, and sought some one else in order to deal with it. I found out.

I still get scared these days, but I have people to watch my back. I never walk without my pepper spray, and I always make sure that my friends ask me to tell them when I am home safe. I take cabs now. I don't listen to my ipod at night. And I most certainly never walk by the bad area of town, even if it means going WAY out of my way.

Things will never be the same for me, but I think I am a stronger person for dealing with all of this.

I have been in a relationship with this one guy, lets call him D, since December 4, 2007. The summer after we got together, I got cheated on. It was horrible. I felt so hurt that I really thought I would never get over it, but I tried. It happened again, only this time it was him bringing another girl on a date, and somehow, that hurt even more. Then he sent texts to his ex saying she was the best. And texts to an old crush/friend of mine saying he wished he still liked her. And send naked pictures to someone he met online.

Eventually, I freaked out. I checked myself into the hospital because I was so stressed I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know who to talk to. I didn't know if I would need meds to feel happy again.

D found out I was in the hospital. He was so worried. He cried, a lot. He asked when I got out to come see him, and we got back together. But I never forgot about what he did. I just really thought he regretted it.

Fast forward a bit. Something utterly terrible happens to me, which will be a totally different blog post in itself, because that is an entirely different story itself. Shortly after this incident, things started going badly again. He is mad at me for the way I handled said terrible situation. And I know you all don't know what I am talking about, yet, but it was the worst thing I ever had to deal with.

Fast forward some more. Like, up until last night.

I have been driving myself nuts. I wish I could stop thinking about all of the things that D had done to hurt me, but I can't. And there's something else there that is making me realized that I deserve better. Which will be explained in yet another blog post, because thats ANOTHER tangent.

So last night, I finally meet up with D and tell him it had to be over because I will never be able to forget about the horrible things that happened between us. I have been trying for two years, and it hasn't worked. I was going to just accept it. But something special happened to me, that made me realize that I deserve to be happy.

So now, here I am sitting in an internet cafe, eating a cold ham egg and cheese sandwich, looking online for apartments. Wish me luck, friends!