Blog of Christina_bee

delete?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:03:35 +0000

how do i delete my account here. this is retarded. no more points... no more for teens by teens. wtf is this shit. booooo!

really?

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:22:09 +0000

So you're telling me kiwi changed and then all of my old entries are gone? that kinda really pisses me off because i love looking back and reading all of my old journal entries.

I guess we'll see how this goes. And I'll write something tomorrow or something if this kiwi gets any better.

lost 2.5 lbs. zombies.

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 02:13:32 +0000

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[font=verdana][color=white] [Entry: 005?] [Time: 8.03 000] [Date: 30/10/2009][/color][/font]

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[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font][font=verdana][color=deeppink]Sup Bitches[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font]

[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font][font=verdana][color=deeppink] I uh. Dressed up as a zombie today for our school halloween spirit day. it was pretty kick ass. i'm sweet at doing makeup. tomorrow though i'm dressing up as dorothy from the wizard of oz and going over to my friends place to party and drink and stuff should be a good time. [color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font]

[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font][font=verdana][color=deeppink] So last night i went over to my boyfriends and we watched saving silverman and the strangers. They were both pretty bad. Shawn fell asleep during the strangers. I was in such a good mood before i went over to his house and then like 20 mins of being there my mood severely dropped. my eye super hurt. the muscle behind it got super sore and it was giving me a rank bad headache and i cried a little bit. [color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font]

[color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font][font=verdana][color=deeppink] So i got wii fit plus yesterday. pretty hardcore. the only thing i DON"T like about it is that it measures weight in kg and height in cm. but i've lost 4.4 lbs since i last hopped on the wii fit. and then since monday i've lost 2 lbs. already. it hasn't even been a week. but i have a lot of weight to lose and i was eating just over 2000 calories a day and now it's between 800-1200. so i'm making a huge change. it won't be so easy later on. i'll have to actually start exercising! gasp. but i can't wait to see 180's!!! just 6 more lbs to get there!! i hope to be there in 3 weeks. it seems like such a long time for weight to come off. I'm so impatient. if i keep on with my diet i'll be at my goal weight by july next year!! 141! that's like 57 lbs to lose. that's A LOT of weight. what i really want is to be 150-160. it seems more realistic to me right now. Maybe once i get down there i will shoot for 10 lbs at a time. but i can't think that far in the future right now. i have to focus on now and getting down to those 180's so i can say GOODBYE to the 200's and the 190's!! I will be SOO HAPPY! i haven't been there for just over 2 years now! i'm so glad i decided to do something about my weight. i've tried but i just haven't had the dedication. and i get all of my motivation from watching youtube videos. and hope to one day make my own to help others out like it helped me!!! i'm going to go watch some now! Ciao. [color=white][font=wingdings]n[/font]

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weight loss. been busy.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 03:39:55 +0000

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I've been sort of busy the past week. The weekend was fun. Got to hang out with my boyfriend and some friends. My bf actually took me to a movie. We went to go see Law Abiding Citizen. It was very good. And Saturday night I went glow bowling with a bunch of friends. I had a test on Monday. I'm pretty sure I aced it. No surprise really.

The past couple of days I've been watching weight loss videos on You Tube. I find that it motivates me to eat less crappy and control what I eat. I find myself consciously thinking about what I'm putting in my body. Last week I weighed just over 200 lbs and I just weighed myself a few minutes ago and it said 197.2. I'm going to keep this up for a bit to see if I can get some real results (about 10 lbs is what I'm hoping.) And if I can see that 10 lb change I will start going to the gym again and keep up the conscious eating. I want to be 145 lbs and a size 7 again!!!

It would seriously make me so happy. I have never been so miserable about my weight. I think my highest weight I saw on the scale was 210. 4.5 years ago I was 145. I was 17 and skinny!! And now I'm 22 and FAT. I hate it. The other night I tried pretty much EVERYTHING on in my closet and I thought I looked disgusting in everything except for my sweatpants and my sweatshirt. That's the night I started watching weight loss videos. Trying on all those clothes is definitely a turning point for me.

I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. And I hate looking at pictures of myself. I feel and think I look so disgusting. I honestly don't know how or understand why my boyfriend thinks I'm so attractive. It completely turns me off from sex with him because I feel ashamed of my body. He always talks to me about wanting to have sex more than we do, but I can't seem to even tell him that I feel ashamed. He would just tell me I'm full of BS and say that I'm beautiful no matter what. I can't take that shit! The only time I will believe I look beautiful is when I feel beautiful. And he would never understand.

I don't even remember what it feels like to be beautiful. I just can't wait until the weeks pass and see this weight melt off my body like ice cream on a hot day dripping from a chocolate dipped waffle cone! I feel hungry a lot all day. But I will get used to it. Because I used to eat a LOT. I don't want anyone telling me anorexia is BAD. I'm NOT anorexic. I feel like I'm not eating enough because it's not what I'm used to. Small meals with fruits and veggies. A little bit of carbohydrates and a little bit of meat for protein. Lots of water. No juice, pop, chips, candy, pasta, creamy dressings, noodles, nothing filled with massive amounts of sodium, so no pickles, or preserved foods, no take out, no fast food, only healthy choices in restaurants, no alcohol and most of all no eating more than the portion sizes that I should be eating. I'm aiming to consume about 800-1000 calories a day. And yeah I know it's low but I need to see a rapid change in weight loss to stay motivated or I will just give up. Once I see that rapid change I'll go to the gym three times a week and eat quite a bit more.

I"M SICK OF BEING FAT
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ate like crap again. he never takes me out.

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:12:42 +0000

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[bgcolor=white][color=black] To Do List:
1.shower
2.play xbox
3.sleep

k. so. i went to school. finished my business package. it's not due till friday. sweet. and then i went to work. and i ate like fucking crap at work. i really need to stop doing that. i should pack a lunch AND supper when i work right after i'm done school. fuck. yesterday was the same. i ate like fucking crap. i have no self control over food yet. but it's getting a little better with time. i can't even remember what i did yesterday. played rock band and halo with my friend jesse. sweet i guess. all i have to do tonight is shower and stuff.

i don't get to see my boyfriend till.. i duno when. he works shift work 12 hour shifts. and with me going to school and work i barely ever see him. it sucks so bad. and i won't be able to see him tomorrow because i'm going out for supper with a friend that lives in vancouver. so i can't miss that. and friday i duno i think he works nights. saturday i'm hanging out with finigan outside the tattoo place and waiting for the grand opening. piercings will only be 30 bucks and tattoos will only be 50 bucks an hour. and then we're pumpkin carving. and sunday garret is taking me to go see flogging molly. and i barely ever hang out with him cuz he doesn't live here. time for my bf and i is few and far between. not like we ever do anything special anyways. i think i'm going to have to train him. take him on a date the way that i would want to be taken out on and let him see that THAT is how you treat your girlfriend. we've been dating for over a year and he's never taken me out on a nice romantic date. i didn't think it was too much to ask for but i guess it is.

sad.

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decent day, i ate like crap. SXUW

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:39:48 +0000

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[font=verdana] What a busy fuckin day. I got up at about 8 and got ready for school. We finally started a project a month and a half into school. I feel like this school is wasting my time. i pay 11000 dollars to go to school that's teaching my microsoft word 2003, by the time i graduate it will almost be 10 years old. Thanks school. and they're teaching us CS3 when CS5 comes out in may. Thanks school. by the time i graduate every thing i learn will be obsolete in the job market and i'll have to teach it to myself anyways. what a bunch of horse shit. anyways. we're designing a business package, and i started my business card today and it's pretty damn ugly. oh well. I'll do my letter head and envelope tomorrow and maybe fix my business card. it's due on friday so i have some time to fix it up a bit.

And THEN. right after school i had to work. It was okay. kind of boring it was dead and there was nothing to do. but i only worked for three hours so it's not like it was dreadful. I went to the wrestling show after. Saskatoon Extreme Underground Wrestling. A lot of my friends are in it and it's fun to watch. I actually took a few lessons on pro wrestling. It was super fun and I would love to get into it more. One of the guys wants me to be their "manager". Just someone who yells outside the ring and supports them. It's a pretty fun thing to do.

Anyways, i work at subway and I ate WAY too much there when i work. I was doing fine with my eating today. I had oatmeal and soymilk and a bit of brown sugar for breakfast. and a tuna sandwich at lunch with chicken noodle soup. and then i ate a fucking footlong subway melt and 2 cookies. but i did drink a lot of water and munched on cucumbers the whole time. oh yeah. munch on them cucumbers.

And I have to make a decision about whether i want to cancel my gym membership in the winter because my contract is up. I don't think I will i think i just might sign a cheaper contract. and actually GO to the gym. fuck. I need to exercise to LOSE WEIGHT. I need to lose weight. I want to lose it. It's such a huge struggle. I wish i had a personal assistant who would just make me healthy food and be a personal trainer. lol. it would make life so much easier. i don't have much motivation and self belief.

my halloween costume came in from ebay. the first one that i ordered was an extra large and it didn't fucking fit. so i ordered a 2xl. god it makes me feel super fucking fat. i spent 120 dollars on 2 halloween costumes. so it better fucking fit and maybe if i lose weight i can wear the other one next year lol. I just have to get shoes and stockings now. It will be sweet. i'm being dorothy btw.

i want a stripper pole. they have pole fitness here in the city. i think i want to join and take classes. and then i want my boyfriend to buy a pole and put it in his room so i can practice while he watches lol. I have a mini dress that i want to look super sexy in (LOSE WEIGHT) but i look super gross in it now because of my back fat rolls.

*shudders*

Anyways, It's nearing bed time I just have to wash this disgusting make up off my face and feed my cat. And i have to finish watching xmen tonight. I've been trying to watch it for the past three nights but i keep falling asleep. After that i might watch obesessed again. CREEPY MOVIEEEE.

night kiwi lovers. the whole 0 ppl that read this.

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[smallest][font=verdana][color=white]I'm A Turtle!//©christina_bee[/color][/font][/smallest]

bf, school, i'm too fat.

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 23:54:33 +0000

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Entry: 001
Date: oct182009

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[color=ffffff] Hey guys. My name is Christina. I've been too and from kiwi box for like 6 years. This is about my millionth journal. Just a place to put down some personal thoughts. I won't be describing details of my life to you.

[color=CCCCCC]It's just somewhere for me that's private from my personal life that nobody i know knows about to write stuff down.

[color=999999] anyways. My boyfriend told me he was taking me out on a date. I thought maybe this time he was actually going to plan something. I guess that's way too much to ask for because he's never planned a nice date or a nice romantic evening for me and that's pretty dull since we've been going out for over a year. Lo and behold he didn't plan a date. He suggested to me that we go see couples retreat at the movie theater. So when we were coming back from his parents farm i said "lets go get movie tickets NOW, so we don't have to wait at the theater." he didn't want to. We get to the movie theater waiting in line, and as we wait in line ALL the movies that were decent to go see sell out when we're second in line to get tickets. So i told him we were leaving. Instead of going on a date, we ending up at his house doing the same thing that we always do. Just hanging out watching movies.

[color=CCCCCC] I'm so tired of doing the same thing every time we hang out. I wish he would put some thought into our relationship to keep it interesting. I even game him SUGGESTIONS and he still didn't make any definite decisions. A romance less relationship feels loveless. And it makes me feel like he doesn't think I'm worth it to put time and effort into to make me feel special.

[color=ffffff] And along with that my weight issues and eating issues are getting to me so bad. It's so cliche but It's eating away at my self esteem. I'm trying to eat healthier. I used to weight 145 lbs and now I'm just over 200. I feel like a disgusting cow. I've resorted to eating healthy choice soup from Campbell's, tuna salad wraps with lettuce, soy milk and bran cereal with almonds, oatmeal, frozen fruit, some fresh veggies, yogurt, and crystal light and water for drinks. Now all I have to do is make sure that I don't eat so much junk food and take out and get more exercise in. Saying it is so easy but actually doing it is so hard. I want to be able to feel great in my clothes again. It's so much hard work. Too much to deal with, having college and work and boyfriend problems and trying to keep the house clean because of lazy room mates.

I need to make a change to make my life a little easier.

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[font=verdana][color=white]Listen To The Music//© xXx_madgurl_xXx[color=white]xXx_madgurl_xXx's[/user]

asdf

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 03:40:32 +0000

haha it's been over a month since i've made an entry. my life is totally boring.

but uh.

i booked a flight to HAWAII!!

i'm going in june with my best friend michelle. i love her to death!!! <3

i'm excitied. i think i should up date more :P

LOTSA PICS: he wants sex... :P which i don't mind.

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 02:57:47 +0000

i can't believe it's february now. time flies i guess.

i haven't written in a while. just really haven't been up to it. i finally got a hold of a vehicle. so now i get to drive to work :P which is so much better than leaving an hour and a half earlier just to get to work on the bus. I can leave 15 minutes before work. I changed my hours from 11-7 to 9-5. so i have a lot more time during the day to do what i want.. like go to the gym!

It's been really cold here lately. all the way down to -52. So it's been pretty harsh!! but i'm kind of used to it living in that kind of weather for most of my life.

i just finished doing a little bit of weights... ooooh the muscle aches! i went shopping with one of my friends today. i haven't seen her since december and she noticed that i lost weight :)

yay! that made me happy lol.

i've been hanging out with my ex bf a lot more... seems like we're dating again. we fight just like we used to and we talk to eachother like we're dating and we tell eachother that we love eachother all the time. The only difference is that we don't do anything sexual except for kiss.

which i don't mind.

my friend TB tho... i don't know what to think because he keeps telling me that he wants to be with me and to hang out and we've been a little more open with eachother about our sex lives and i told him how much i've had sex and hes like i bet you're amazing... and keeps telling me that he wants to sleep with me and stuff...i love the guy but i don't know if i trust him enough to do that with him... i'll probly end up going over there tonight tho.. gosh. and we'll probly do SOMETHING sexual together. which i don't mind :P

anyways... i think i'm going to go do a few more weights and hop in the showa!

EDIT. haha ho shite i almost forgot PICTURES

me and my ex bf kurtis.

Brina Me and Erik. He wants to date me :P but i won't because he's slept with my friend Michelle. lol.

Brina and Me just chillen at the bar!

My Best friend Jack, Brian and Me on my birthday at the bar.

Mike, Best friend Jesse, Me, Brina and Michelle on my birthday :P

k from left to right i'll see if i get this right haha...

Maya, Combs, Skyla, Me, Nisa, TB in the white shirt, Chelc, Twizz, Kozie and Fiddz is in the very front with the black shirt :P

Me and Amanda at work with the retardedly big calculator.

Me and Brina at Montana's for her birthday.

Me and Maya!

haha i think thats enough pics for now :P

twister, on the floor. UNDER the mat. we were totally all over eachother.

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 05:38:41 +0000

i had the CUTEST night on tuesday <3

i went over to combs' house for a christmas get together with a bunch of my friends. there was like 15 of us there. we all played twister and trivial pursuit and we watched the simpsons movie.

well.. i KIND of did.

TB was laying behind the couch and i had just got up and someone took my seat and there were no seats left. so i went and cuddled with cory behind the couch. and he put the twister board over top of us and he started spinning the twister board. and we ended up all over eachother playing twister on the floor under the mat... and. he was like.. wanna make out and i was like k. haha. i'm so glad every one was watching the movie.

me and TB slept over at combs house and we watched a bunch of sweet shows on late night tv and cuddled all night. RIGHT before i fell asleep he gave me a light kiss on the cheek <3 UH dies he's sooo adorbale. and i was just talking to him about how bored i am at home. and this is what he said

criss.b. . says:
i wish i had my xbox with me
>±< Kingdom Come. >±< says:
i wish i had you with me

aweeeee hes sooo adorable.

i can't wait to hang out with him again.

blahhh i'm so bored at home.

kurtis is coming down tomorrow from saskatoon to visit for 2 days. he should be glad my family likes him haha. the only ex bf my family likes. he's the only ex i'm friends with really. oy.

anyways.

pic time then i'm pcing out.

it's a sign pic that i made for TB

and another one that i made for my friend skyla :)