shaunyn , 17

have you ever asked yourself this question?    why me?  why does my life suck?  why not someone else?    the truth is...everyone asks themselves this question.  i ask myself this question everyday, but then i think deeper than my selfishness and look beyond the pain that i bring upon myself. i watch the other people whos lives are slowly falling down and it builds me up. it shows me that someone else out there has it alot worst than me. and if you think you have it worst of all, look at all the things you do have. surround yourself with a positive outlook and face yourself.  the hardest thing i ever had to do was face myself. i had become somekind of monster. i preyed on the happiness of people and tore them down piece by piece.  do you know anyone like that?  i did it because i was jealous. i was jealous that people could be so happy when the world was full of so much pain and anguish.   i wanted everyone to be miserable,  just like me.  i looked in the mirror and hated the person looking back at me. i carried so much hate and anger, but i still kept a smile on my face. it was like i had two seperate lives.  the life i let everyone see.. the happy, crazy, random shaunyn who always had a smile on her face and brightened their day.  and then there was the shaunyn who was deep and almost evil. i hated it, but noone knew that   now when i look back at that person it makes me sick...and this was only last month.  am i the only person who has ever felt this way? no...i think not...but am i the only one who could overcome it?  i hope not          

if you have any questions or need any advice id be glad to oblige.
 ive been in your shoes and still am.
so if there is anything i can do to help...
im here

so much has happened in the last three months...wow its already been three months, well   i just have one question. i ask myself this question every day.   why?   why is life so difficult?   i mean you have tha people who seem to have no lives and follow thier so called "friends" around, you have the happy people who seem to always be okay, with no issues. you have the posers, scene kids, goth and emo, and even druggees,    im not a stalker, but i like to watch people. i love to see how certain things affect them. for instance, if there is this one girl who is lovin life and seems to have no problems...but she never talks about her family? when you ask, she gets all defensive and isolates herself from you.  she gives herself away so easily   it is so easy to tear someone apart with one simple word. family, uncle, little brother, God, suicide, pills.  one word that sends me over the edge is love. i hate love... nevermind about that.    well i know that this sounds weird, but have you ever been insecure and scared?  you just feel like the world is against you and you cant do anything about it?  i feel like that alot, and it never goes away. i was never one to be extremely self conscious, but lately its gotten really bad. the depression worsens every night and i just curl back up into my little ball of nothingness.   strange huh?     if you ever saw me during tha day, you would never expect anything. its like im two different people.  i just need to know that im not the only one like this         is anyone out there even close?    please comment                                          

ending here


"when you hit rock bottom, all that's left to go is up"

in the world what will we do,
 
when nobody cares

how will we live

when theres no one there

alone we will be,

all on our own

by ourselves in just 

a small ghostly town

the girl she walks 

alone with no help

they dont know

how long shes been held

her scars are invisble

to those who dont look

to  find them they must dig

like reading a book

no one cares

so stuck on themselves 

that when shes gone

they dont even ask "where?"

her soul was stole away

by a demon inside 

that wasnt even treated  

cause all she did was hide

look for this girl
 
every where you go

and she will be there 

she may be hard to find though

 



please dont ever forget to treat people with respect. most deserve it. make a change in someone. let them know you care.   talk to someone who looks down and ask them how there day is going and if they wanna talk
LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART



so, for me, care about someone other than yourself today!