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[bgcolor=linen]*SIGHS* Ty's so fucking confusing. So after that unnecessary dramatic episode last night, I decided that if that's his way of pushing me away, then so be it. I'll leave. So I texted him and said something like, "Sorry if I sounded demanding earlier, but I was just worried why you weren't talking to me. Either you can talk to me when you're ready to, or if you already established that you don't wanna talk to me anymore, just say so and I'll leave." Oh, you don't know how fucking serious I was about the last part... That's when he responded and said something like, "Chill, you're my baby of course I wanna talk to you.." Then he just started conversating with me like nothing happened. o____OI just feel like everytime I threaten our relationship, that's when he wants to jump back in. This is the second time I've done that. He knows me too well. It's like, when guys tell girls, "I don't wanna be with you anymore, blah blah blah." That's when they want him even MORE. (You always want what you can't have.) But as for me, I can admit that I'm scared as hell of rejection. So if someone tells me to go, I will leave. No questions asked. No matter how emotionally involved I am, I'm not gonna run after someone who doesn't wanna be with me -- in fear of being pushed away. Doing that is setting yourself up for FAILURE. You're only gonna hurt yourself. Anyway, I've been talking to my guy bestfriend A LOT. Especially about Ty. I love the male perspective. He's kinda "eh" about Ty. He thinks Ty is really confusing and weird. He was like, "I couldn't be with a weird person bcuz you never know what they're thinking." LMFAO. I could not get over that! Anyway, he's a realist. He thinks we should've broken up the moment he told me about college. I'm really happy he's here for me, especially with the fact that Ty is acting really weird. Oh gosh. We're texting right now and he's saying that I like to wear the pants in the relationship. AHHHH. I think my controlling side is coming out, and I don't even know it! I'm done. This has got to stop! >.< Time for a fucking INTERVENTION!
[bgcolor=linen]I keep avoiding talking about this situation, but I just can't bear it anymore. For the past couple of days, Ty hasn't been talking to me for whatever reason he has. It's really pissing me off and it's making me worry. He only does this when he has golf tournaments or whatever. But right now, I highly doubt it. Know what though, I'm not gonna be weak about this. I'm not gonna sit here, and make myself feel bad. If he doesn't wanna talk to me, then that's him. I wouldn't doubt if a break up happened soon, but it can't happen JUST YET bcuz of a problem we have that I haven't mentioned yet. After my last relationship, I swore to myself that if I'm not happy in a relationship, I'm gonna end it. I'm not gonna settle for less anymore. No matter how emotionally involved I am, I'm always gonna remember what I deserve. And I don't deserve to be ignored. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna do something about that right now. So my plans have changed once again. At the end of the month, I'm going to Vegas to work. As for school, I'm taking the late session. There are two dates I can go back to school: September 1 and October 27. They're just 8 week courses, that's why. Anyway, hopefully I can get two jobs and make as much as possible. About that "problem" me and Ty are having, I'll eventually tell you guys -- ONCE IT'S RESOLVED. Bcuz I know it's very confusing everytime I talk about it.. But maybe you can guess. What's the only reason why you can't leave someone? Kiwinote me a guess.. I'll eventually tell you, lol. Have a great night! -- EDIT WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE![/BIG]
Earlier when I was like, "As a matter of fact, I'm gonna do something about that right now." I texted him. Me: Hi. Did I do something wrong? Him: No why do you ask that? Me: You haven't been talking to me, you've been ignoring my texts, and you haven't been calling me. I'm not trying to sound needy or clingy but that's just not what you normally do. If there's something wrong please tell me bcuz I don't deserve not to know stuff. I'm not trying to be bitchy just honest. Him: Oh you got a point. Well I just have not felt like talking. Idk why, sorry. Me: That's fine. I just wanted to know the reason why you haven't been talking to me. Now I know, so yeah, thanks for letting me know. Him: No problem.
WOW.[/BIG]
 [bgcolor=linen]Some Great Answers to That Stupid Question: "Why aren't you married yet?"- You haven't asked yet. - I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. - What? And spoil my great sex life? - Because I just love hearing this question. - Just lucky, I guess. - My fiance is awaiting his/her parole. - I'm waiting until I get to be your age. - It didn't seem worth a blood test. - I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. - Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. - I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. - They just opened a great singles bar on my block. - What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? - We really want to, but my lover's spouse just won't go for it. - I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. - Why aren't you thin? - I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation. - (For Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant. LMAO, I obviously don't have anything to write about today. Well, I do.. But I'm just too lazy to. :) Shoutouts to people who responded Chicadee_A : Omg, I know exactly what you mean! I love my subbies, lol. Everyone is so different, so at the end of the day, I have a pool of different opinions/advice. Everyone's really helped me in different ways. Especially when I had questions about birth control. There was NO WAY I was gonna ask around about that, lol. Melt4Cowboys : Yes! I know EXACTLY who you're talking about, haha. I highly doubt he'll find it though, so no worries. But in case he does, you can say, "Whoa, what a coincidence.. Someone has a similar life!" Hahaha. missliz : Yeah, it makes sense. Age has a lot to do with it too. I'm glad there are a lot of older people on here who's already been through the stuff I go through. Especially, college. NoSpiesAllowed : Yeah, you're not one of the super private girls on here. Not saying you say too much, but yeah. Myspace just isn't a place for privacy, lol. Only bcuz everyone and their moms (literally) go on it. It's like the root of all drama. Facebook, surprisingly, I haven't heard of any drama despite of the "privacy" it lets you have. WAIT, nvm, I have, haha. But not as much as myspace though. paradises : Lol yes, honestly, you are the most private person out of all of my subbies. I swear, even if someone found out about your journal, they still wouldn't know it's you! Haha. It's really not a bad thing though, I think most of us blog on this site mainly bcuz of privacy. Hope you girls had a fabulous day! Au revoir!
[Center] Today's horoscope: "Make sure that if anyone is currently making you really mad you tell him or her today. If you don't, your displeasure will just build up, and you will need to vent. Besides, enough is enough. Doing that annoying assignment will have greater rewards than partying tonight. You relationship with a friend or loved one may become even stronger today."
The last 2 sentences have been true so far. I wonder what my reward could be.. ;)
I was gonna do shoutouts today (since I've never done it) but my last entry wasn't interesting enough for shoutouts, lol. So I was talking to Ty a little while ago, and he asked me "So what did they (you guys) say when you told them about me leaving?" As I was reading your responses to him, I realized that I was giving everyone little nicknames. LOL. I was like, "Oh yeah, that's the really smart one, oh and that's the one in the army, that's the girl in NY I can always relate to, she's the one who lives in MD, and oh she's the photographer." It goes something like that. I left out some other subbies, but yeah. Lol. I'm sure you can figure out which one you are. :) One time he was like, "It's actually cool bcuz I feel like they kinda know me too." But yeah, once in a while, he asks me what you say about things.. Just bcuz he knows you're the only people I actually take advice from. Lol.
It seems really weird that I'd take advice from strangers.. Strangers that I know really well, lol. Or should I say, close friends I never met? Yeah, that sounds better. Maybe it's better to take advice from people who know nothing about your life bcuz the advice they give you isn't biased. Then again, you've seen pictures of me and people in my life and stuff.. And that does kinda give you a taste of what's in my life. You know those kiwi people who never post pics or anything? The ones who keep everything out of kiwi.. Super private about their myspace or facebook? Well, now that I think about it, I should've did the same thing. So that way, I know no one is going to judge me. It's human nature for us to automatically judge without even knowing it. Knowing what a person looks like makes you think. It gives you an idea of what type of person they are.
My oldest subbies will remember this, but in the waaay beginning when I didn't post any pics, I asked "Tell me what you think about me. What do I look like? Blah blah." All they really knew was that I'm from California. People assumed I was blonde and my boyfriend (now ex) was like a surfer dude or something. They saw Barbie and Ken on a beach.. When in reality I'm a short asian girl, lol. The complete opposite of blonde. I was born with black hair!
Has anyone ever met one of their subbies? I wonder what the very first meeting would be like.. Lets say you've had someone reading your journal for 3 years (and vice versa) and it's the first time you met them. How weird would that be? Then again, it could be a happy moment. I think my reaction would be, "I just met you, but I already know like, your whole life." LOL.
Wow, at first I thought I wasn't gonna have anything to talk about today, or it was gonna be a short one. I ended up going from one thing to another, lol. But I think I actually made an interesting entry out of it. :) I'm leaving Vegas tomorrow.. Well technically, today. Ugh! Well, I'm planning to work out here but I have to talk to my mom first. And uhh, I bargained today! I got 2 flats from Claire's, both for $5. And this corset thing for also $5.
Here's my motto: "When it comes to your wardrobe, it's all about quantity.. YOU have to bring out the quality."
Hope you girls had a great weekend! :)
[Center][bgcolor=linen]I'm Vegas right now! 8) I'm just trying to keep the bad stuff off my mind and have fun! So far, I'm doing a great job. Me and Ty are talking again, and he told me, "Whenever I have tournaments, nothing else can be on my mind. When you tell me stuff about you having doubts, it makes me think you don't trust me." Well, if you would've told me that in the first place, then I wouldn't have worried! Geez. Lol. We're good now though.. Although there's still a bigger problem, and it's not about the college situation. A little food for thought: "After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You learn that loving doesn't mean learning and company doesn't always mean security, and you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. After a while you learn to build all your dreams on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for dreams, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn to accept your defeats with your head held with the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. After a while you learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers. You learn that you really are strong, that you really do have self worth, that you can endure, and most importantly you learn and live, with every "goodbye" you hear." I love this! It actually helped me get over all of the July bullshit. After a while, I just started thinking of the situation as a strong woman. Wow, I sound so mature, lol. So back to the fun stuff, lol. I don't know what I'm gonna end up doing today. There isn't enough room in the car for the whole family to go Vegas, so someone will have to stay behind and it's most likely gonna be me. I don't mind though, I'm just gonna shop, swim, and chill. Sometimes, I love my alone time. My brother might wanna stay too, but I wouldn't mind hanging out with him today. I'm still gonna be able to get to journals. Fortunately, my phone does everything! :) So I hope you girls have a faaabulous weekend.. Bcuz I know I will! Toodles!
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