sweetnaqt , 32

two days, thats it. til the big blind date. needless to say i am beginning to get a little nervous. its kind of a scary thought going to dinner with a man whom you only know his name. but at the same time it is also very exciting. i try not to think to much about it. i am forever setting myself up for let downs it seems. but no matter how hard i try not to i find it has been on the back of my mind every since last night when the final plans were made. and it has been since two weeks ago, when we first talked. be myself. i know. keep telling yourself that. and who knows if he isnt the one it wasnt meant to be and another man will come along. but you never know. dont think negatively but again dont think to highly of it either. just be natural and breathe, just breathe. life has always been a rough road. one never knows what it will have instore for one, or whom one might meet on their path to their detination. and jason is just another someone ill meet along the way. and if nothing more ill have a good time and enjoy the few hours of my date. i keep thinking, what the hell am i going to talk about, this man is 28, not like any other guys i have dated in the past he has a nice job and seems to have a nice life. there are so many guys i have been on a date(if you call watching t.v. a date that is) that sit around and do nothing, cus thats what they do best. then again many of them have been younger than i, putting me in the postion of feeling much like a babysitter than a date. so this time i told myself the guy will be older, more mature and hopefully not as lazy. haha i could always wish right? im sure we will find something to talk about, after the first inital shock of being there. the words will come out easily. and hopefully he wont be one of these guys that doesnt say a word through the entire dinner, expecting me to come up with all the words. i truely hate that when i feel like i am doing all the talking. besides that voice of his is just to irresistable not to listen to!! i dont know how i shall ever get through the night with a voice like that. awwww!!!! ok enough with the thoughts i should pop the bubble and get back to it. well we will see....i have a date saturday night, holy shit i havent said those words in the longest time, but damn does it feel good.

two days, thats it. til the big blind date. needless to say i am beginning to get a little nervous. its kind of a scary thought going to dinner with a man whom you only know his name. but at the same time it is also very exciting. i try not to think to much about it. i am forever setting myself up for let downs it seems. but no matter how hard i try not to i find it has been on the back of my mind every since last night when the final plans were made. and it has been since two weeks ago, when we first talked. be myself. i know. keep telling yourself that. and who knows if he isnt the one it wasnt meant to be and another man will come along. but you never know. dont think negatively but again dont think to highly of it either. just be natural and breathe, just breathe. life has always been a rough road. one never knows what it will have instore for one, or whom one might meet on their path to their detination. and jason is just another someone ill meet along the way. and if nothing more ill have a good time and enjoy the few hours of my date. i keep thinking, what the hell am i going to talk about, this man is 28, not like any other guys i have dated in the past he has a nice job and seems to have a nice life. there are so many guys i have been on a date(if you call watching t.v. a date that is) that sit around and do nothing, cus thats what they do best. then again many of them have been younger than i, putting me in the postion of feeling much like a babysitter than a date. so this time i told myself the guy will be older, more mature and hopefully not as lazy. haha i could always wish right? im sure we will find something to talk about, after the first inital shock of being there. the words will come out easily. and hopefully he wont be one of these guys that doesnt say a word through the entire dinner, expecting me to come up with all the words. i truely hate that when i feel like i am doing all the talking. besides that voice of his is just to irresistable not to listen to!! i dont know how i shall ever get through the night with a voice like that. awwww!!!! ok enough with the thoughts i should pop the bubble and get back to it. well we will see....i have a date saturday night, holy shit i havent said those words in the longest time, but damn does it feel good.

my life at the moment is in life lag. i go to class, trying to get more knowledge on things at times i feel i should never know anyways. then i go to a job which i have gotten to the point of hating any more. not that i hate what i am doing, i just hate being there. it has been one long year and a half since i started there. to begin with i loved it, my coworkers, my boss(who can say that) and my customers. but now i find with each passing day that goes by my love for the small store grows less and less. i go to class, not because i have to but at this point i want the hell of of clocktower that i go to get this computer skills i need. aleisha keep telling yourself may. push for may. hopefully by then ill be able to get a recptionary job somewhere. nolonger will i be working til 8:30 in the evening. and ill be able to eat dinner at a regular time. i have been unsuccessful in my hunt for a good guy. all i seem to atract are the i want to be friends with benifets kind of guys. and i know that those relationships are doomed from the get go. when will guys understand that its not all about getting laid. however i have found one problem with the whole dating scene. my sister. not that im blaming her, its not her fault that she was born beautiful. and i? i was born cute. the past two times i have gone out it started great with conversation and all they both seemed interested in me and all. then they found out i was related to her and there it all went. i could feel the interest in me vaperate and the interest in her, well ive never seen two guys eyes as wide as i did those two nights. she is a walking legend in the eyes of guys apparently. hmm wonder what perfume she is using. perhaps this is why i love the older man, not to old ofcourse, but old enough to not know my younger sister. i guess if you want to know the truth there is some good news on my end and i might have a possibility. i do have a blind date coming up. i have yet to see what he looks like, but i have that often if they are nice looking they are also assholes. but his voice. omg his voice is enough to drive any woman into a full blown melt down. it is so sexy i cant describe it, well maybe i can...deep..sexy...husky. kinda reminding me of a mix of kevin from the bsb and lances from nsync deepness with a touch of aj of the bsb huskiness. damn, its a near perfect voice. he can take me to heaven with that voice for sure.

my life at the moment is in life lag. i go to class, trying to get more knowledge on things at times i feel i should never know anyways. then i go to a job which i have gotten to the point of hating any more. not that i hate what i am doing, i just hate being there. it has been one long year and a half since i started there. to begin with i loved it, my coworkers, my boss(who can say that) and my customers. but now i find with each passing day that goes by my love for the small store grows less and less. i go to class, not because i have to but at this point i want the hell of of clocktower that i go to get this computer skills i need. aleisha keep telling yourself may. push for may. hopefully by then ill be able to get a recptionary job somewhere. nolonger will i be working til 8:30 in the evening. and ill be able to eat dinner at a regular time. i have been unsuccessful in my hunt for a good guy. all i seem to atract are the i want to be friends with benifets kind of guys. and i know that those relationships are doomed from the get go. when will guys understand that its not all about getting laid. however i have found one problem with the whole dating scene. my sister. not that im blaming her, its not her fault that she was born beautiful. and i? i was born cute. the past two times i have gone out it started great with conversation and all they both seemed interested in me and all. then they found out i was related to her and there it all went. i could feel the interest in me vaperate and the interest in her, well ive never seen two guys eyes as wide as i did those two nights. she is a walking legend in the eyes of guys apparently. hmm wonder what perfume she is using. perhaps this is why i love the older man, not to old ofcourse, but old enough to not know my younger sister. i guess if you want to know the truth there is some good news on my end and i might have a possibility. i do have a blind date coming up. i have yet to see what he looks like, but i have that often if they are nice looking they are also assholes. but his voice. omg his voice is enough to drive any woman into a full blown melt down. it is so sexy i cant describe it, well maybe i can...deep..sexy...husky. kinda reminding me of a mix of kevin from the bsb and lances from nsync deepness with a touch of aj of the bsb huskiness. damn, its a near perfect voice. he can take me to heaven with that voice for sure.

change, we all need it, we all go through it. at times you dont want to but you know that it is going to happen eventually. so thats were i am at i am changig. i guess you can call it yet another realization of life. and what i have realized is that sometimes, change is the best thing that could ever happen to someone.
i used to hate the thought of going out and dancing, afraid of what could happen, if i let myself go. i dont drink, i just dont like it. i have tried though, im sorry beer in my opinion is one of the nastiest things one could ever consume. so for many nights, even many years i have sat at home on the weekends, or gone out to the same mall looked at the same merchandise and hang with the same people. not that i dont love doing that who unlike my other friendsis older than i and thought it would or hanging with my best friends its just there comes a time in ones life when hanging out at the mall every friday and saturday night just turns into being something to waste more of the time.
i would sit there and say you know life will happen one day. then the other night i met a new friend, a friend be a good idea to go clubbing. when she began to ask me i was nervous, i admit i didnt even really want to go. but she pushed me enough to say aww what the sh**&**t why not at least try it. so i did. and what i found out was that hey it wasnt as bad as it seemed, not only that but i enjoyed myself very much..
i have gone back a few times since then. you know i need a change, and i am sure not going to get anywhere or meet anyone by staying home all the time. or going to the mall and getting hit on by the 15 yr old boys when i am 21 and not into 15 yr olds anymore.
so thats one change i have decided to do, go out more to bars and dancing and enjoy my young life while i still have it to enjoy. change number 2, i am going to take some classes at a local community college. cus im tired of my job but have found out that the only way to get out of it is to further my information and knowledge, so im taking two classes next semester. i am nervous who wouldnt be, being out of the school thing for a yr and a half and then going back into it can be scary for anyone. i know im doing the right thing, not only that but hey it will get me out of the house more often, and i actually might meet more friends, i could always use more friends.
so im changing, a month ago i would sit at home and do nothing, and now in a few months, i might be going to school during the day, working at night and parting on the weekend. you mean i would have a social life? who would of ever thought of that. not i