sweetnaqt , 32

i like him, or maybe i dont..at this moment im not sure what to think of him anymore. he is a a coworker. i know thats the worst kind of guy you could fall for. but not only that he is also a good two yrs younger than i. another supposedly no no.
im not saying im madly in love with him. i just find that i look more and more forward to working when he is there. he isnt the most drop dead gorgeous guy you would ever see. but for some odd reason his looks are growing on me. his personality is growing on me. he is growing on me. i find more and more i change to the station we listen to at work when he is there. cus it reminds me of him.
yes he has been flirting with me. he even mentioned watching a movie together with him next weekend. and wondered what i would look like with my hair down. he even asked me to wear it down for him. and i found myself saying yes. i mean i never wear my hair down.
i didnt really realize he was flirting with me til he told me how good i looked in the jeans i was wearing. i think thats when the lightbulb went off.
i dont know i know he is probably wrong for me and all. but for some odd reason i think i want to find that out for myself and not seat back and say well maybe he was or maybe he wasnt.

my sister left. again. this makes the second time she has left...she just doesnt like the rules so she pickes up and leaves. for awhile i was upset about it. but now i just dont know what to think...or what to feel. i know she hates the family. she hasnt been apart of this family for years why should she start now? and i dont mean to sound like i dont love her cus i do...but when i have to sit here and see what she is doing to my mom, my dad, my family it tears me apart inside. my mother has sunk to this deep deppresion, my dad seems to blame my mom for my sisters leaving. i dont know what to think. just confusion. a part of me wants her to come home, but i know that wont change anything and it wont help any. then again a part of me wants her not to come back. for the whole month and a half when my sister moved out my mom was happy, my family was happy. my life was happy and in some way back to normal. there wasnt a day when i had to hear what she did that day...and for once the spotlight was on me. i was the one who got attention.
when she came back however it was right back to the same old shit that she has been doing for ages....and the whole thing came right back up.
i have never been an only child. i always wanted to be, but never had the chance(obviously due to me being in the middle). that is until lately. my older sister has retreated to her new mans house..a way out of the mess i suppose. and with my younger sis gone. that leaves only me and my shadow here with mom and dad. i must say it is strange going from a house where i have two sisters to a house where i am the only one around. its like something that i guess takes getting used to.
i guess the thing i am getting tired of is how they always talk about it. like its going to make her come home. ands its the same story each and every time we have a discusion. what have they done wrong. dont they know that they have two other daughters and neither one of them did this to them. so have they ever thought maybe just maybe it isnt them for once?

my sister left. again. this makes the second time she has left...she just doesnt like the rules so she pickes up and leaves. for awhile i was upset about it. but now i just dont know what to think...or what to feel. i know she hates the family. she hasnt been apart of this family for years why should she start now? and i dont mean to sound like i dont love her cus i do...but when i have to sit here and see what she is doing to my mom, my dad, my family it tears me apart inside. my mother has sunk to this deep deppresion, my dad seems to blame my mom for my sisters leaving. i dont know what to think. just confusion. a part of me wants her to come home, but i know that wont change anything and it wont help any. then again a part of me wants her not to come back. for the whole month and a half when my sister moved out my mom was happy, my family was happy. my life was happy and in some way back to normal. there wasnt a day when i had to hear what she did that day...and for once the spotlight was on me. i was the one who got attention.
when she came back however it was right back to the same old shit that she has been doing for ages....and the whole thing came right back up.
i have never been an only child. i always wanted to be, but never had the chance(obviously due to me being in the middle). that is until lately. my older sister has retreated to her new mans house..a way out of the mess i suppose. and with my younger sis gone. that leaves only me and my shadow here with mom and dad. i must say it is strange going from a house where i have two sisters to a house where i am the only one around. its like something that i guess takes getting used to.
i guess the thing i am getting tired of is how they always talk about it. like its going to make her come home. ands its the same story each and every time we have a discusion. what have they done wrong. dont they know that they have two other daughters and neither one of them did this to them. so have they ever thought maybe just maybe it isnt them for once?

i live my life mainly in a hole, i watch everything feeling much on the inside while everything is going on on the outside....this is my observations
my sister is a senior this year, she hates school. i mean she was never one for the whole learning thing, more for the social scene. i realize many seniors dont care about school. shit i didnt care about it to much. but when your told you have to go inorder to graduate...you think you would go. i mean they told her all she has to do is show up...
i am twenty and at times i am not sure what this world has in store for me. just when i think i have a clue. something else happens and i end up at square one again. sometimes i fear failure. i feel like i havent found anything im totally and honestly good at...
my older sister doesnt really care to much about amything other than her new man..her new man which she has spent every night since her first date over at his house. maybe im not one to be talking cus i really havent had any guys either but you would think she would have enough smarts to know you dont stay over the very first date and all...
at times i am suprised my parents are still together. i know what my younger sister is doing to them is tearing them up, espically my mother. she has aged about ten years in the past month. my dad pretends everythinng is just fine. i know they are happy with me i mean i go to college i do my work and have a full time job all at the same time. its just my sisters i know they worry about. sometimes to much.
unforunantly being the middle child i get to hear the problems of the whole mess. my mom is constantly coming to me with everything...i dont mind i know that she needs someone to get it off her chest and i think its good that she talks it out...the only thing i fear is that all the stress that my younger sis is putting them through will rub off on me and who is going to listen to me when i need to have someone?

i live my life mainly in a hole, i watch everything feeling much on the inside while everything is going on on the outside....this is my observations
my sister is a senior this year, she hates school. i mean she was never one for the whole learning thing, more for the social scene. i realize many seniors dont care about school. shit i didnt care about it to much. but when your told you have to go inorder to graduate...you think you would go. i mean they told her all she has to do is show up...
i am twenty and at times i am not sure what this world has in store for me. just when i think i have a clue. something else happens and i end up at square one again. sometimes i fear failure. i feel like i havent found anything im totally and honestly good at...
my older sister doesnt really care to much about amything other than her new man..her new man which she has spent every night since her first date over at his house. maybe im not one to be talking cus i really havent had any guys either but you would think she would have enough smarts to know you dont stay over the very first date and all...
at times i am suprised my parents are still together. i know what my younger sister is doing to them is tearing them up, espically my mother. she has aged about ten years in the past month. my dad pretends everythinng is just fine. i know they are happy with me i mean i go to college i do my work and have a full time job all at the same time. its just my sisters i know they worry about. sometimes to much.
unforunantly being the middle child i get to hear the problems of the whole mess. my mom is constantly coming to me with everything...i dont mind i know that she needs someone to get it off her chest and i think its good that she talks it out...the only thing i fear is that all the stress that my younger sis is putting them through will rub off on me and who is going to listen to me when i need to have someone?