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Financing.
VixenSoul 22
That's good he isn't going to fail you. I think he s… -
Sooo.
N2cj4eva14 24
It is confusing but please dont leave! Everybody has… -
Sooo.
VixenSoul 22
I agree, it's very confusing! I'm still trying to f… -
2403: a final goodbye?
VixenSoul 22
I'm not sure if I'll be on here much after the new … -
2403: a final goodbye?
Doomed_dreams 25
*HUGS* I'll miss reading your awesome story tell…
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sweetnaqt , 32from centrevilleCommentsShow all Subscriptions (2)Statistics
2354: jumbled thoughts...[bgcolor=#D8D8D8]
entry 2354  september 11 2009 yes i know. its 9/11 day. but for some reason, today i don't feel like dwelling on the importance of the day. no, i am not saying i have forgotten or anything and i do think it is important believe me i do. its just. every year i write about it. and every year the wave of emotions go through my head. but today, on this already gloomy friday afternoon i am just not in the mood. not when i have other thoughts going on. thoughts that i dont think anyone really wants to hear. so i keep them to myself. but heres the truth. i am not happy right now. and i dont exactly know why. well sort of. i love andy, i love my son. but its the work, school and tying to deal with it all that is getting in my way. i dont really want to work anymore. or at least not here. i dont know what i really want to do anymore besides write and i know that isnt an instant sort of thing. all around me, friends are getting jobs and doing what they want to do. and i feel like i am forever in a circle. just running around. going no where. i had a coworker ask yesterday when i was going to finish. and they explained how i should just stop working for a year and get my degree and then come back. thats what his wife did. which is easier said then done, considering he is an engineer and getting a hell of a lot more pay than andy gets. so that isn't an option. and while i dont like my job it pays for me to finish school. i need school to move on with anything. but i need time to do that. and money. i have talked to andy about this, and he just says well find something new. which is a lot harder than he thinks. again without the degree i am pretty much right back to the beginning. and i know he is thinking that it only has to do with my commute. and while yes it part of it. i cant explain it. i just i dont know. i miss seeing logan. i want to be with him more often i want to do things with him. and it sucks that i cant. and then not knowing what i want. is really frustrating. everyone keeps saying, youll figure it out. youll be ok. but when...im a pretty patient person but this is driving me insane. andy said he would quit working for the caps so he can get a higer paid job and i could stay home. but that won't solve anything. it would only make me feel worse. because somewhere i would feel guilty, like i am asking him to quit. which i am not. he loves his job. its his dream team. why should he? just because i am not happy with my life at the moment. seriously that isn't right at all. and so while this may not make any sense at all..in my head its all what is there. and i am at loss of what to do at this point. Aleisha [bgcolor=black]responders: babe09, VixenSoul, x_coribeth_x 2353: HS crush continued....[bgcolor=white]
 entry 2353 dateseptember.10.2009. [font=lucida handwriting] When all you wanted was to be wanted.[/font]
about a month and a half ago, i wrote about my finding my high school crush on facebook. if you cant remember, it was in july 21st entry. so anyways. a couple of months have gone by. nothing has happened. we are facebook friends. but in todays times, when everyone is 'friends' with everyone in a lot of ways that isn't saying so much. so yesterday my mom calls to tell me she is on her way over to the house. she comes over and she tells me that logan has met someone. someone i would never guess. so of course i start to try. running down old teachers i may know, bus drivers i had known over the years everyone. and my mom kept shaking her head. no no and no. so i give up. and then she goes. sean hill. whoa. wait a minute. the sean hill. the i had a crush on sean hill. she says yes. he is the pe teacher at the elementary school she drives into. she was like so he was standing back, letting the other teachers introduce and talk to her and all. and then finally he comes up. she of course recognizes him right away so this is how it went down. mom- hey sean. sean-hey BZ, how is aleisha? mom- hows your mom? sean-hows aleisha mom-how is your mom sean-she is good. but i asked about aleisha. how is she doing. i just about fell to the floor for the second time that day. because mom kept saying, he wouldn't stop asking about you. it was like hello i am asking about her this makes the third time. she was like oooo wait til i tell her. so they sat there talking, she told him i was married, and since logan was there introduced him to him. he was like oh wow he is adorable. she told him who andy was and all. she said he was like wow...just couldn't believe it and all. she said she hated to gloat but man the look on his face was great. she wanted to say nanny nanny boo boo. and then she said for all he appeared to be, deep down maybe he wasn't that bad of a guy. and secretly, maybe just maybe he kind of liked me. ok so this is probably taking it a little far. but looking back, its like well he wanted to be cool and everything. i mean i get it. especially now at almost thirty. i get the need to want to fit in. i didn't back then. i thought it to be a mean cruel joke. but now. i get it. i understand the wanting. the whole i am doing this to fit in sort of thing. it sucks but i get it. still mom was like he was asking about you a lot. so maybe that was worth something. maybe it does. im of course not reading to much into this. but still it did make me feel good. i told her our paths would probably always cross we werent supposed to go to the same school and ended up at it anyway., he ended on my moms high school run. he ended up going to the same college i went to. the one i hate to this day. and now he is at the same school my mom drives into. so its always going to be like that. i am sure somewhere down the line we will run into each others lives one way or another. and i wonder, if we did run into one another. what would actually happen. probably nothing. but for a moment i was right back in high school. standing by my locker, watching him come down the hall. and for a moment things were different. and he looked at me as though i was all he wanted. because for a moment, i felt just as giddy as i did back then at the thought that he would mention me. i drove into work today, and heard fifteen by taylor swift, and thought how appropriate the song was. how exactly fitting the song was. because at fifteen all you want is that one guy.... and its right...time does heal. i have moved on, to a wonderful husband, and an adorable son. while he to is married and has a son. and according to my mom, has gone completely gray. and i am completely happy in that sense of things. far more than i ever thought or imagine my life could be. i cant say i would have been this happy with him. of course i didn't know any of this at fifteen... no at fifteen, he was my world. he was the forever sort of guy.... but truthfully none of us knew who we were supposed to be... at fifteen. [font=lucida handwriting]Wish you could go back. And tell yourself what you know now.[/font] [bgcolor=peachpuff][color=black]doomed_dreams, VixenSoul[/bgcolor] fifteen[bgcolor=white]
entry oooo datehere. [font=lucida handwriting] When all you wanted was to be wanted.[/font]
write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write [font=lucida handwriting]Wish you could go back. And tell yourself what you know now.[/font] [bgcolor=peachpuff][color=black]responders go here[/bgcolor] fifteen[bgcolor=white]
entry oooo datehere. [font=lucida handwriting] When all you wanted was to be wanted.[/font]
write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write write [font=lucida handwriting]Wish you could go back. And tell yourself what you know now.[/font] [bgcolor=peachpuff][color=black]responders go here[/bgcolor]
2352:9.9.09[bgcolor=black]
 9 9 09 so today. first off. happy. 09.09.09 days... and now.... well i woke up this morning, the phone ringing i knew it was my mom letting us know that she was on her way. heading down the stairs, and then before i know it i was lying flat on my face at the bottom of the stairs. somehow in the time between the top stair and the bottom aleisha had managed to fall all the way down. it wasn't pretty. and it wasn't how i wanted to start my day. i sat there for a minute my entire bottom half hurting. andy, sitting there holding logan, who thankfully i wasnt holding to begin with. he just kind of sat there. not asking or anything finally he asked. i told him i was ok. to appease him. but my entire backside hurt so bad...twenty minutes later i was still there. propped up with some ice. i called work, let my boss know i would be working from home since i didn't know how bad it was. but yeah it wasnt the way i wanted my hump day to be. mom came halfway through the day. her midday break is a lot longer this year. so she was stopping by when i called to ask if she wanted me to come get logan. i ended up keeping him for the rest of the day. which was fine with me. because i loved every minute of it. and if i had it my way, then i would be watching him myself on a daily basis. of course, it requires us to earn a lot more money. or at least andy to do so in order for me not to work. oh well maybe someday. when i finish that book that is. so yeah. and now i just finished watching glee, which is one of my new favorite shows. going to take some time to go take a bath in hopes that i can get some of the soreness to go away.... so i should be off.... nite. entry 2352 responders VixenSoul, x_anyotherway_x 
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[color=peachpuff]date[/color]here.[/right][/small]
[font=lucida handwriting][center][big] When all you [color=peachpuff]wanted[/color] was to be wanted.[/big][/font]
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[font=lucida handwriting][big]Wish you [color=peachpuff]could[/color] go back. And tell yourself what you know now.[/big][/font][/center]
[bgcolor=peachpuff][color=black]responders go here[/bgcolor]