sweetnaqt , 31

2400

Walking into the office this morning, I promised myself I would not, absolutely would not sit in front of my computer, and hit refresh over and over. I would not, would not would not. And it worked. For awhile that is. I updated some staffing reports. I responded to some emails. I updated our phone listing...I did everything and then, only then after everything else was done. And I could stand it no more I quickly opened my browser and headed to my yahoo account. I entered my password....

and nothing.

I told myself it was ok. It was still nine in the morning after all. The last I heard, the last I got any word it was after lunch so I figured well, it would probably be about the same time frame. Of course that didn't matter. I was still checking, and hitting the refresh button for the better part of my day.

At lunch, there was still no word.

I jumped on Facebook, headed straight for the discussion board to find out if any of the fellow hopefuls had heard of their fates. None of them had. Everything was still ok. I was still in the running.

There was still a chance for a magical happening.

I tried to get to my work, doing everything I could to ignore the fact I hadn't gotten anything. I tried to make dinning reservations since today Disney opened back up their 180 day reservations. But of course, it was down.

And once I did everything I could do. I just sat there, staring at the screen waiting for something.

Anything.

And then just after two in the afternoon an email.

I knew before opening it, that it was a rejection email. The preview told me that much. Still I read it, with every word my heart sinking further and further down.

'Cus I'm not your princess. This ain't a fairytale.'

And just like that, within a minute. My Disney Mom's panel hopeful, was just that.

A hopeful no longer. I would have to wait another year to be one.

Admittedly it stung, a lot. I had been one of two hundred that had gotten a chance. I had tasted what it was to feel the joy. And now I found myself on the side of rejection. The side that two weeks before I barely understood. I was now one of them.

I left work, feeling defeated. I was not mad at the fact that I didn't make it, I knew it was going to be a tough one to do. More like disappointed. Was there something more I could have answered? Could I have done something better?

I did not have the answer.
I probably never will.

I packed it up, headed to metro and tried to tell myself it would be ok.

Eventually.

And as I made way to my door, my almost 9 month old son on my hip I really was. I mean there would be other years. My time would eventually come. It would.

Still I checked my email, more out of habit than anything.

and I get an email.

From the panel, saying they were recalling the previous email...

So now,

I am utterly confused.