Sorry for being MIA for awhile.

On June 16th my father called me and told me I had to get back to America right away. My mother had been admitted to the hospital after passing out and the doctors did not believe she had long left to live.

Wednesday I told work I had to go and spent the whole day searching for tickets. My MIL picked up Arthur. And at 4am on Thursday morning Edward and I headed to the airport. We arrived in New Jersey early afternoon on Thursday and headed straight to the hospital.

My mom was in ICU, she was on a ventiallator because she was breathing in but she couldn't breath the CO2 out. She was ment to be sedated but she was fighing it. She had tubes all over the place and couldn't talk but she knew we were there. She looked horrible. It really took all my strength to keep it together.

On Friday they tried to take her off the ventilator but it sent her body into distress because she still couldn't breath out the CO2. They told us they would try again on Saturday. They tried again and again she couldn't do it. Then we were given the option. My mother could spend the rest of her life on a ventilator. She would have to live in an institution and the cancer would just spread and eventually kill her. Or we could take her off the ventilator and let nature take its course. My mother made the final decision after asking my father, me, her sister, and her childhood friend what we thought. At around 1pm they took her off the ventilator and sedated her. She was moved into a hospice room and we waited. At 4:45 on Saturday with my father, Edward, me, and her childhood friend in the room my mom passed away.

I spent 11 more days in America planning and attending the wake and the funeral. This has been the hardest 2 weeks of my life and it still hasn't really sunk in yet.

I am back in the UK now. I got back to work on Monday. I hope I can handle it. I don't really want to go back to work. I don't want to be here in the UK. I don't want to be anywhere or near anyone. I want a cave where I can just waste away.

endofperiod 22-05-09

UPS X 2 23-05-09

UPS 24-05-09

This week at work was the week from hell. I was so tired and in suck a crap mood Monday-Thursday.

Wednesday night I had first aid training. I didn't get home until 10pm when I had left the house at 7am for work. But I passed so I don't need to renew it again for 3 years.

Thursday got brighter after work. I came home and found out that my visa was approved so I have indefinite leave to remain in the uk! What a weight off my shoulders. We celebrated by ordering pizza and ice cream.

Friday I was in a good mood and the day at work was so much more relaxed. If only every day could be like that.

Yesterday my MIL, SIL Lavasa, nephew Gary, Edward and I hopped in teh car and drove to Dundee to see my SIL Jackies Art and Design show. She just finished University and this was a show for all of the graduating Art and Design students. My other SIL Judy met us there. It was nice to see them since I hardly do and it was nice to see Jackie's show. I have to admit though the show as a whole didn't really impress me. It was a lot of substandard art, very typical student ideas and motivations. I know I am being harsh but I have a degree in art and some of the stuff I saw there the high school students I have taught would have done better. The craftsmanship was just below par.

Today we need to go food shopping. Other then that just relaxing and preparing myself for the next week which is hopefully more like Friday then Monday-Thursday.

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List of responders

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a_pretty_girl, megabyte_me, pink_dreams, Sugar_xxx

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FirstDayOfPeriod

Yesterday I started to feel sad so I called my dad. We talked for awhile and he made me feel a bit better. My mom was at the hospital getting his treatment so I was able to talk to him honeslty about how I am feeling about my mom and my job. I am worried that my job will give me a problem when my mom gets really sick and I need to go home. They are all about commitment to the school and from other people's experiences don't really care too much about family issues. My dad told me that if that happens then I quit my job and Edward, Arthur, and I move to America and live with him. I realized afterwards that he might have been saying it a little for himself as well. I mean when my mom dies he will be all on his own in that house. He isn't in the best health either.

Edward and I watched The Fist of the North Star live action movie yesterday. It was so crap but I think it is ment to be if you know what I mean. Then it was Britian's Got Talent and the Eurovision Song Contest. We voted by Turkey but they didn't win.

Last Night I couldn't stop coughing it was disturbing my sleep and Ewdard's sleep. Then I had a horrible nightmare about Edward being a zombie trying to kill me.

This morning was my mile on wheels race for Autisim. It wasn't too bad. My legs got a big workour and doing a mile on a scooter really didn't help my cough but it was sunny and Arthur got to run along the beach while I did the race so it was nice.

Afterwards Edward's mom took us to Pizza Hut for Lunch. We each had Pasta though lol.

Now I am just tired and home. Going to just hang around and hopefully get better sleep tonight.