x_coribeth_x , 26

Thanks for all the responses yesterday. I appreciate the feedback from everyone. I really am trying to take it one day at a time. I have a lot of support from my friends (which includes all of you), so I know I will be just fine. I'm excited that I only have 2 weeks of school left. I can't wait to have a month off. I have so much work to do in the next couple of weeks though. My Managerial Accounting class isn't much fun. That one class is so stressful. I feel good about everything else.

Work is going pretty well now also. I was just assigned a huge project that I'm starting today. It will be a lot of work, but I'm looking forward to it. It's so much better than being bored. I've been bored for the past couple of days.

Last night, I did a short boxing workout. I didn't have much time because I had a huge managerial accounting assignment due by midnight. It felt good doing SOMETHING though. I plan on doing some cardio tonight. Hopefully it will help wake me up because I've been kinda sleepy today. I have a Managerial Accounting test tomorrow, so I need to study tonight also. Not looking forward to it, but it shouldn't be TOO bad. I watched Secret Life last night. I'm strangely addicted to that show. Once again, I think it's because it is SO similar to 7th Heaven. Oh how I miss that show..

Well, I'm going to get back to work now. Hope you're having a great day! The sun is shining here which helps A LOT!

I feel as if I've reached my breaking point this month. My emotions are all over the place. I need to learn to control them. It's really hard since both Joel and I are going through a hard time right now. I know you have to go through hard times before you can really appreciate success, but I want to fast forward 2 years and see how it all turns out. I'm a lucky girl.. I have a great guy who loves me, I'm in school pursuing my dreams and I'm half way done, I have great friends who are always there for me, I have a good job which I actually enjoy, and I really should be happy. For some reason, I'm just not content yet. I need to be patient and wait on some things instead of trying to rush to make them happen.

This leads me to the talk Joel and I had the other day. The best time to talk to him is when we're in the car. It forces him to listen to me without any distractions. So I brought up the part of me not being happy anymore.. We've both been really busy lately and we hardly have any time to really spent time together. I told him that it feels like I'm single. He thought I was crazy. He told me that I need to be focusing on school and that he needs to focus on his new business. Even though we're both really busy, it doesn't mean that we don't love each other anymore. It just means that we're trying to work towards some goals so we can live happily ever after eventually. He said that we'll get there eventually, and that it doesn't happen overnight. Then, I came up with the "well all my other friends are married and happy.. I feel like I'm a failure and I should be farther along in life". I came to the conclusion that I need to let that go. I keep blaming myself for not finishing college a couple of years ago like I should have. I can't go back and change that. I have to accept it and move on and do the best that I can NOW. Maybe I did have to go through a setback, but apparently this was supposed to happen. I'd rather Joel and I have more money in the future and to have achieved all of our goals. Joel told me that I have to be happy for MYSELF first before I can ever be happy with him. This is true. I'm not happy with myself right now, and I gotta work through that.

I felt better after our talk, and yes I did yell at him a few times, but the man is wise. He knows his stuff. If he thinks this is what is best for us, I will go along with it. We love each other and that's all that matters. So what if we're not married.. Does it mean we love each other any less? No. It just means that we have a few more things to accomplish on our own before we can come together and be our own family. Is it hard to accept? Yes.

Instead of worrying SO much about our relationship, I've decided to go back to the things that make ME happy. Yesterday, I read half of a book. Reading is my passion, and I haven't read in 7 months. I decided to take more time for myself. Even if I'm really busy with school and work, I need to make time for me. I want to work out more, read more, and rest more. I need it. This funk that I'm in gets to be more of a struggle every day. But that's just it.. I'm sick of worrying about the future. I'm learning to take things one day at a time. It will all work out in the end.

My weekend consisted of doing more of the things I enjoy and it was the best! I am more in love with the man of my dreams than I have ever been.

Boxfiller today.

I'm watching Guess Who with Joel at the moment.

We had a little bit of a talk today while we took the hour trip to Showmars. I just wish things weren't so stressful, but hopefully it will be better soon.

That's all for today. Have a great night!

I've put this off as long as I can. Time to make an entry. I'm just not feeling it today. That's probably because I have too many thoughts in my head. It's impossible to put it all down in here because I have so much going on.

Anyway, have you ever felt like you've made a bad decision? Well, I'm sure everyone has, but I am as indecisive as they come. I think I've made the right choice and then a week later I think, "did I really make the right choice?". I've always been like that. It's hard for me to pick out a place to eat sometimes just because I wonder if I made the right choice. I guess that's why I hate to make decisions. This annoys Joel, but I always like to make sure that I'm doing the right thing.

I've made some poor decisions in the past few years. I'm not proud of my recent past, but I feel better in knowing that I've turned my life around in the past couple of years. However, there are still things that I wish I would have done differently. I know all of us feel that way. I try to live my life with no regrets, but I can't help it. I really do have regrets. Now, I know all the things that I have been through have made me a stronger person, but still.. I just wish I wouldn't have taken the wrong path. I feel as if I should have a serious discussion with Joel soon. He's not good with serious discussions, and I know he has a lot on his plate right now. I feel as if I need to get some things out in the open though. I need him to open up to me also, and I feel as if that isn't happening. It's time for me to make the right decisions, and I need his help in doing so. I've started to question if we should be together, but I know that's just because we're going through a rough time right now. I'm hanging on though and telling myself that it won't always be this way.

Enough about that, today has been decent. I've been really tired though because I didn't get much sleep last night. I had to take a test, and I was exhausted after that. I didn't get to work out and that sucks, but I plan on doing that tonight. I had to go home and wash my hair last night also, so that always takes forever. I'm just tired today.

I went out to eat with my department for lunch. It's my co-worker's birthday today, so that was pretty fun. We went to this Mexican restaurant right down the road. It's definitely not as good as Dos Amigos, but it was alright. They put a sombrero on her head and sang happy birthday to her. She also got dessert. Lucky! My department rarely goes out together, so it was a nice time.

I have about an hour left of work. I've been productive today, so I'm about ready to call it a day. Not sure what's going on this weekend.. probably the usual. Oh well. Maybe it will be fun. Have a good one!