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tacobellqueen   , 31

from Springfield



Human or Animal

*Feelings of anger suppress my every movement.
*Hate fills every pore of my once loved soul.
*Death fogs my once clean mind, taking over my ever thought.
*Fear glazes my deep blue eyes, making them shady.
*Harm flushes my smoothed hands, making them shaky and unstable.
*Ice runs though my veins, attempting to freeze my heart,
the one that once loved all things big and small.
*Adrenaline runs though my arteries rushing my organs, making them go faster, feeling as though they might burst at a moments notice.
*Sorrow sweeps through my once restless legs, making them tired and weary.
*Pain aches my feet, the ones that once flourished with nail polish and lotion.
*Grief is written all over my face, the one that once smiled at ever passing person.
*Betrayal lies hard on my chest, the one that once took in the smell of summer lilacs.
*Forgiveness runs though my DNA and genes, but always stabbing me in the back whenever forgiveness has been granted.
*Feelings are as overrated as a PG13 movie.
*Love has drained from my body with ever stop I take.
*Humanity and discretion are not my best qualities.
*A person I once loved my self, is now a cold unwanting human.
*A soul left to weep alone.

Amanda M. McIntosh
July 28, 2009

An Apartment of Shit

So I used to live in a great little house, well I thought it was great. The furnance is fuel oil so my clothes stunk all the time and it was a piece of shit and would have coast WAY to much money to heat this winter!
I moved to an apartment, 15 minutes away from my home town. Well I freakin' hate it. I felt like I was being forced to live here to begin with and the apartment people have done nothing but make my life hell.
They were going to evict me and I hadn't even lived here a month, just cuz the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing. So that was takin' care of.
The other day we discovered a major leak in our dishwasher, not just a little leak one that affects not only my carpeting but my neighbors. They're way down the hall and the laundry room in between us. SERIOUSLY. We pulled back the carpeting and seen and smelled the mold just forming under there.
The maintence man came and said he'd be back to suck up the water and dry the floor the next morning. Well is is almost 24 hours later and I still don't know where they are.
They have no choice, maybe cuz I'm a bitch but they will replace the carpet and the boards and shit like that because I'm not going to live in an apartment where I know there is mold growing!
I will call the health department if that gets it to where I can break my lease with this shit hole!
Anyways my bitch for the day!

First Month Out

May was a busy month for us. We started to clean up the house we were moving into on May 6, 2007!
Well let's just say I came prepared I brought over tons of cleaning products and plastic gloves and stuff like that!
We worked a good 12-20 hours just on that day in the house and we took out at least 20 bags of garbage, so much the garbage men wouldn't even take it! It was gross in here. Long story short it took us 3 weeks to get this house up to good standards. I can't believe some one could like like the previous tendant. There was cat shit and cat pee all over the place and sadly we haven't been able to get most of it out of the upstairs but we're working on it!
We finally moved in on June 1, 2007 and it's been great. I go to my Mom and Dad's like everyday! Please I only live four blocks away from them!
I do take a class with my Mommy so I do see her at least two times a week!
But anyways I love it....it's great!!!


My best friend and I are just getting back at being friends again after a tragic mishap that led to the end of a friendship four years in the making.There was this girl named Emily, she was kinda dorky, really tall and stubly and very much gulible. Her and I have known each other for about 9 years when we became close friends. That was in 8th grade though. We weren't the best of friends and we barely talked on the phone and we definately didn't hang out much. We did do cheerleading together and that was so much fun. Then our freshman year of high school came along and I asked her if she wanted to be my locker buddy and she agreed too be. I was thrilled! That's when our relationship started to really form and after that we became best friends and inseparable. It was nice to finally have someone that you could call your best friend. We spent every second we could getting to know each other by going to the mall and checking guys out. Then our sophomore year came and she again was my locker buddy, but with a twist. Her and Paul started to date and our locker had to be right next to his. There were sometimes that I had to take back seat to that boy and I really didn't care, just as long as her and I were friends. Her and Paul broke up and it was a sad time for both of them. She cried on my shoulder for as long as possible and I just tried my hardest to comfort her and do what I could to get them back together. Then along came Josh. Boy she did think the world of him and me I thought shit of him. I knew what he was after. Wham bam thank you ma'am come again another day{basically free fuck} she then started to wait for him to call and never wanted to hang out with me. She went home with him and abandonded me and I felt a little angry, but it was alright. For the next three months I tried my best to fight for a friendship that would in the end fail. Our Junior year came and went with barely a fight. There was a little quarrel, but that's alright we were only apart for a week. Then our senior year and the biggest fight ever. We quarreled over something I slipped up and told another friend. It tore us so far apart that she even called me a back stabbing bitch and demanded that after a year and a half of having her jeans that I give them back in perfect condition or I pay her money. Well I guess she started lightning up a little and she started talking to me again and I thought that was so awesome. So even in the worst of fights if you and your best friend are made to be friends forever it'll happen and I'm sure happy that it's happened this way.


A Day of Tourtur in a Private Hell

Well I went back to school on February 13 and I almost flipped out cuz like everyone was talking about me or to me about what happened. I sorta felt good about what I had done, I stood up for my self and I thought my parents were ganna be angry and they weren't. But when I went back I had to get my teachers to sign a slip telling me what I was supposed to do in the ISS room. As I started to walk over there I found out that one of my class mates was in there with me too. Well I made it through the day, but I felt like a little child. We got a whole 2 bathroom breaks the whole day that we were there. I was a little angry with that one. I had to go to the bathroom pass and the replacement told me to wait a mintue or too for the real teacher person to come back, so as I'm dancing in my chair I asked her if I could please go to the bathroom and she made me wait a half an hour b4 I could go. I was dancing in my seat and my stomach hurt so bad from it. Me and my body it's like if I have to go I GATTA GO NOW. So I felt like a little kid when she said "Amanda you may take your bathroom break now". I was so glad to get out of there. I couldn't talk, that really killed me. I couldn't do anything like that. IT WAS BORING. I was so glad to be in school on Friday.