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So I was kind of ignoring all the anti-Kiwi 3.0 stuff until I typed in www.kiwibox.com today and it really did go to the new site thinger. I'm already having a depressing as hell day and now I'm imagining losing almost 6 years worth of journals, from my original Kiwi username to this one. Earlier this year I began copying/pasting the entries from this journal, but if I try to go through my old journal, from my dolfin_wings usermame, it will literally take me a month. I had 778 entries in that journal. Anyway. I'm really sad and depressed lately. I feel like I'm doing NOTHING with my life. My parents think I'm going to school when in reality I dropped all my classes. They keep saying that all they want for me is to go to class and be in school and do things the 'right' way, and they'll ask me how my classes are going and I LIE and say fine every time. I hate myself for it. I hate my job. I applied at the local hospital last night, for a registration clerk position. We'll see what happens. I'm finally going to admit that I never got over Nick. As in my ex boyfriend. I never stopped loving him even when I thought I didn't love him in the first place. I miss him so much and there hasn't been a day in the last six months that he hasn't been on my mind. I don't love Nick. As in, my current boyfriend. Every one of you was right in telling me not to jump into it, to give myself some time, because I'm NOT happy with him. But we're in this so deep now.. he bought an engagement ring for me which is in his safe. I haven't seen it but he has it. He wants to propose before Christmas I guess. We have a dog together.. Obi is registered in both our names. We even have a Netflix account together for fuck's sake. So I don't know how to disentangle myself. I haven't been this honest in a long time, not even with myself. I was so close to driving up to Eureka today to see my ex. So close. I've been feeling so close to breaking and I feel like it's inevitable that it's going to happen sometime soon. I just feel like I'm in a web full of lies and pretend and false bottoms.. and one of the worst parts is that I put myself there. I think I just want some time to myself but no matter what I am going to hurt Nick because he will never understand. Not to mention he's a big baby and will cry and carry on and blahblahblaaaaaahhh. No lie. I've seen the man cry multiple times. It's not fun. I hope that old saying is true though.. if he loves me he will give me what I need. Fuck. I hate myself today. I hate myself a lot lately. I hate my life.. but mostly I just hate what I've let myself become.
Hey guys. Nothing too exciting is going on.. I no longer work Mondays so it's been a lazy day. I spent a couple of hours earlier with Nick before he had to work, and we got coffee & took Obi to the park. Last week we bought him a http://www.pawsitivelybestfriends.com/images/chuckit-lg.jpg[font=verdana][color=hot pink] Chuck It[/link] toy, and it's seriously the best invention in the world. :P
Then Nick had to go to work, so I ran a couple errands and was gonna go get my nails done but every nail salon in the vicinity is freaking closed today. So, hopefully tomorrow morning or something I can go do that before work @ 1:30.
I got a present today. :) I guess a couple weeks ago Nick ordered me two new iPod cases, and they came today! I love my case but something happened to it so the screen got kinda warped. :/ But now I have two new ones! I am SO spoiled by Nick, it's kinda crazy. But nice at the same time, of course. :) He bought me this super nice & comfy Matix hoodie about a month ago.. just randomly surprised me with it after I'd seen it in a local store and exclaimed over it.. plus he bought me two new belly button rings.. and surprised me with roses a few weeks ago too :) He's such a sweetie.
On Saturday we went down to Santa Rosa to do a little shopping (he ended up getting some jeans and then I bought new books at Borders) and we went and saw Paranormal Activity, which was an awesome movie.. I totally reccommend seeing it, especially if you wanna be scared/freaked out, lol. It was seriously worth driving to Rohnert Park to see it.
Anyways, I think I am gonna go to my last resort salon to get my nails taken care of.. it's bugging me, lol.. but yeahh. Oh, I've been kinda more active on Facebook lately, don't know why, really.. boredom, maybe. :P Anyway. Let me know if you have Facebook and we can be awesome and add each other. :D
Alrighty guys, have a great week!
[smallest]ash_3, morningxglory, Sugar_xxx[/smallest]
Hey guys. Long time no entry. I guess I've been busy? That and my laptop has been at Nick's, and I hate being on my desktop cus it tends to freeze up when I go online. So. Let's hope I can do this without any freezing episodes. I don't really kknow where to start.. hmm. Katy went back to Santa Barbara at the end of September, and of course I miss her. She doesn't really like her living situation but she's going out for the crew team, so that takes her mind off it. Amanda's doing alright over in Sacramento but she's also having some living situation issues. :/ Both of my best friends move away and end up being homesick and unhappy.. how depressing is that? :/ Anyway. Let's see. Oh, my hours got cut at work.. apparently it's just because our store isn't making sufficient sales so a few people got their hours cut, not just me. But it seriously sucks going from 31 hours a week to 21. The nice part about it is the fact that starting today, I only work half days on Sundays! It was super nice to have this afternoon/evening off. Usually I'm stuck inside Staples allll day long on Sundays. Last week my mom & I went to see Love Happens, which I wasn't all that impressed by. I like getting a chance to do things with her since we kind of have opposite schedules. The weekend before this, Nick, Quincy & I went to Sacramento for the day. We visited Amanda for a little while and got to check out her new apartment, which is really cute, and then wandered around Arden Fair Mall for a bit, then went to Toys R Us because Nick had never ever been before (how sad is that?!), and then went downtown to walk around the the Capitol Building, etc. We ended up eating at the Hard Rock Cafe, which of course was awesome. I absolutely ADORE Hard Rock Cafes.. I've made it one of my life goals to see them all. Sacramento was #4 for me and it was both Nick & Quincy's first time being in one! Anyway, after that we headed home, and got stuck in traffic cus there was a really bad accident.. made it home by midnight and crashed. It was a fun day. :) Yesterday was my grandparents' 55th wedding anniversary. Nick & I drove over to the coast, along with my grandparents, parents, aunt, uncle, my cousin Christopher, my cousin Jonathan & his fiance Sara, and my brother, Vicky, Wyatt & Lillian. It was such a nice day.. I really enjoyed being over there and spending time with everyone. We played on the beach for a while and I got to be Auntie Sienna with Lillian. Everyone was all gathered around, talking (people gave up hope on sand castle construction), and Lillian and I were playing chicken with the waves, and every once in a while Nick would run up behind me, pick me up and threaten to throw me in the ocean.. all in good fun of course. :P It was nice. We came home around 3:30 or so, and stopped at the casino in my town. I had yet to go gambling, even though I'm almost 20, lol, and hadn't set foot in a casino since being a little kid on roadtrips with my parents and being dragged through a casino here or there simp0ly to use the restroom.. so we finally went. Nick's a pretty experienced gambler.. before being with me going out to a casino was a routine thing and winning a couple grand was no big deal. So, we walked into the casino yesterday with the promise from him being that he'd throw 20$ into a machine and be done. So, we walked in, he chose a machine, stuck a twenty dollar bill in, and then promptly won 80$ within 15min. Lucky bastard. He made me take 20$ and chose a machine for me to try my luck on.. but I lost it within 10 minutes. :/ No beginners luck for me. But it was kind of a cool experience. I didn't even get carded! ha. Then we came back to my parents' house and hung out with my brother, Vicky, Lillian, etc. I was trying to get Wyatt to laugh for me.. earlier at the beach I'd gotten him to smile up a storm and he LAUGHED like twice for me! I was so excited. :) He's seriously the most adorable thing in the world. After that Nick & I went to see Couples Retreat, which wasn't as good as I was hoping. Ah well. Still a great day yesterday. :) Soo. I probably have more to write about but I'm about typed out for now. Have a good week. :) [smallest]morningxglory, Sugar_xxx, that_one_girl04[/smallest]
Heyy. Pictures in the last two entries if you missed em. :) So.. it's still Sunday for me, but Kiwi's changed over so apparently I'm posting on Monday. :P I worked all day today.. but it went by pretty quickly, which was nice. The weather's also been nifty - it rained a little and now it's cool and cloudy, yay! We really need the rain. Last night Nick & I were supposed to hang out & have pizza with Pete & Sadie, but that didn't end up working out, so Nick and I just went and had pizza on our own, and then rented a movie and relaxed. Nothing too exciting on a Saturday night, lol. But tonight after work we had dinner with Samantha & Diego, which was really nice. We went to Applebees and I officially adore their 3 cheese penne pasta dish.. YUM. :P Samantha's like.. 2 months pregnant? Wait. Maybe 3.. I forget, lol, and you can't even tell at all. Lucky bitch. :P She & Diego officially got engaged like a month ago and are planning on going to Sandals resort in the Caribbean this Christmas to get married. They're so great together.. the kind of couple that makes you jealous no matter what. But they're such great people that I can't hate them too much. ;] Anyway. I don't think I have much else to talk about. Hmm. I just felt like making another entry, I suppose. Have a good week :) [smallest]ash_3, Sugar_xxx[/smallest]
Greetings. So I just saw the Kiwi coverpage - 10 years!? Crazyness. I joined in '03, I believe.. So much has changed on this site since then. So much has changed in GENERAL. Anyway. So in response to my pictures of Obi last entry - yeah, he's not really a baby puppy, but he's no more than a year and a half old, so we think of him as a big pup anyway. :P Yesterday he decided he wanted to jump into Nick's koi pond.. so we hosed him down, and then he did it again throughout the day at least three times. Ughhh he smells so terrible, lol! I think he just likes watching the fishies and finally decided he wanted to get in and investigate. I have today off, thankfully.. I had to work full shifts on both Thurs & Fri so I am definitely thankful that today I am just relaxing. Gotta work all day tomorrow, though, as usual. sigh. Nick gets off @ 5 today, and then I guess we're having pizza with Pete from work and his girlfriend Sadie. Apparently Pete & Nick made some bet earlier this week.. whoever made the most in sales would be treated to pizza, and Nick won. :P So yay free pizza :D I've been meaning to tell you guys that apparently, Nick has ordered me a ring. A very important kind of ring. A very expensive important kind of ring. o.O He TOLD me this, so it's not like I had to sneak around or eavesdrop to find out, lol, but.. YEAH. It's so crazy fast and huge and mindblowing. When he told me about it I flat out told him NOT to ask me. Like, don't ask me that huge question. I asked him if I could simply wear the ring. Just to wear it. Just as a pretty sparkly thing on my finger. He said I could wear it however I wanted.. but I CAN'T wear it however I want if he gives it to me along with a very important question. He doesn't have it yet.. I guess it's being sent to him cus he ordered it and all that jazz, but it's like.. I'm anticipating the night when he plans some huge thing out and then.. opens up a little velvet box with a diamond ring inside.. I know I shouldn't worry about it but it's nerve-wracking to think he's ready to marry me. I'm not there.. I feel like I have so much STUFF yet to do in my life before I settle down. Anyway, I always thought if I got married, we wouldn't just settle down into married life. It would be fun.. full of travelling and experiencing things FIRST. I almost feel like if I were to settle down with Nick anytime soon, that'd be IT, you know? I'll quit rambling. I have a couple more pictures for you guys. :)  Wyatt James! Isn't he so adorable??!! He got my brother's eyes.. they're an amazing slate blue. That boy is going to break hearts one day.  Me & Wyatt from last Monday. I look terrrribleeee but Wyatt manages to look cute all the time. :P My mom had a bbq at our house, and Vicky & Skylar came, plus my grandparents, and Nick & I were there as well. It was nice. :) Okay, I think I am off. Hope everyone's doing well. :) [smallest]morningxglory, Sugar_xxx, that_one_girl04, YUCKapples, Ziggy_Stardust[/smallest]
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