prettybutterfly , 24

Ben and I are getting along pretty good. We have our ups and downs though. He says he really loves me and doesn't want anyone else. I believe him though because hes been through alot of shit in his life and hes too old for drama. He is 29. I really hate when im not with him. And since hes gotten his own cell phone hes been calling me all the time and sending me text messages saying he loves me.

Mackenzie's Birthday is next month, I cant believe shes going to be 2 years old. She loves SpongeBob so everything is going to be spongebob.


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Hey everyone!
We got home from South Padre at about midnight Sunday. I had a really good time. We got there at 3 am Saturday morning. We would have gotten there earlier but we got kinda lost lol. but it really only took us an extra hour. when we got there we checked in to our hotel then we got drunk. Then we decided to go to the beach. So we went to the beach and went swimming for a little while. Then left and went to eat breakfast. After breakfast we went back to the hotel and took a nap. We went to all of the different shops. I got lots of cool stuff. Some new shot glasses, a new bathing suit, sunglasses, keychains, and some other things. I also got a shirt, its a tank top and it says "I'm on South Padre Island Bitch"!! lol like the song "I'm on a boat bitch".... Anyways my predictions were wrong.. My dad didn't start a fight with anyone. Ben wasn't an asshole all weekend. Me and Ben did fight on the way there and argue a little there but not like usual. We had a drink at the bar on the beach. We ate a some pretty good restaurants. Overall it was a great weekend.


Today i didn't have to work so i slept in. Then when i got up the lights were out so i went to town with my mom and everyone. We had Mcdonalds. I got my nails refilled. Went to Wal-Mart and got a few things. I just realized that i forgot to get milk though so i will have to do that tomorrow. I have to work tomorrow.

I waited all day for Ben to call me like usual. Which is ok because I know he was working. But I think that when he gets home from work he should call me. Instead he always makes excuses pretty much. Today he had his brother text me at 8 something and say that i need to go buy a lottery ticket... idk where that came from but whatever. So i texted back and said i wanted ben to call me.... Well i wait... and i wait... about 2 hours later i text again and try to call the house phone and his brothers cell phone. And no one ever answers when i call. And that just pisses me off more...So at 11 Ben calls me. He was busy! playing a football game on his playstation. again i think that when he gets home from work he should call me. I don't mean like as soon as he gets in the door, but i think before he sits down to play video games he could call me and say

"Hey baby, im home. what are you doing? Well im gonna go get something to eat, play a game, and do what i have to do. I will call you before i go to sleep."

How hard would that be??

I get upset very easily sometimes. and when I get upset I tend to scream at people. Then I cry. I cry alot when I get pissed off. I don't feel like anyone ever listens to me.
All I want is a boyfriend that truly cares about me and is going to show it. Damn that helped me a little to get it all out. I dont even know if anyone reads my journal but it helps me.


Goodnight everyone!

I had to work this morning. I didn't get to sleep until about 4 am. I just couldn't sleep. So i'm very tired right now. Mackenzie went to sleep at about 2am I think. So shes still asleep. Wish I could take a nap but sometimes its hard for me to fall asleep. :(

I'm going to South Padre Island this weekend with my dad and everyone. It's going to be fun!! I hope no one gets in a fight. I already know my dads going to get drunk and talk shit. I also already know that Ben is going to get drunk and be an asshole. Well that's what usually happens so we will see. I'm not exactly sure who is going with us but hopefully ill find out soon. It really doesn't matter as long as they have their shit ready Friday.

I tried to take Mackenzie swimming today but we got in and she wanted out. So she went to my moms and i stayed in the pool for a little while.

We made brownies with walnuts!! Yummy!

Ben called me at about 9:30pm. I didn't really want to talk to him but I did anyways for maybe 10 minutes. Then he said he was going to bed so i said goodnight and we hung up. He said I love you but i really don't know if I love him anymore so I just said bye. It really sucks because we have been together for over a year now. It seems like a waste of my time and effort. I don't want it to be over but he just keeps piling shit up and making me hate him in a way. I have told him I hate him a few times but he doesn't seem to care. He just says that he loves me. If he really does love me he needs to step up and be the man that I need him to be. Well that's it or I'm really gonna start crying.... Goodnight!!

I had to work this morning. I didn't get to sleep until about 4 am. I just couldn't sleep. So i'm very tired right now. Mackenzie went to sleep at about 2am I think. So shes still asleep. Wish I could take a nap but sometimes its hard for me to fall asleep. :(

I'm going to South Padre Island this weekend with my dad and everyone. It's going to be fun!! I hope no one gets in a fight. I already know my dads going to get drunk and talk shit. I also already know that Ben is going to get drunk and be an asshole. Well that's what usually happens so we will see.

Well I might update later but thats it for now!