altmanst , 26

I don't know if I'll still be the person who recommends college for everyone. I don't think I will be in the near future. I'm changed from my experience. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Maybe the situation is only a result of the missteps I have taken, but these mistakes have been painful.

More bad news. Is there every anything good? Tell me.

I know there is, but you lose sight of the good so easily. It's the first thing to go. It sits in the back of your mind, waiting to be recalled, but at times you can't call it forth on your own. You need to be reminded. Remind me.

It's a Catch-22 situation. My preceptor said I probably wouldn't have to worry about paying the university fees for health insurancce (mandatory) and student activity fees. However, I just got an email saying my health insurance would be rolling over to the fall quarter because I am still considered a student. Even though I'm a student in "extended status", i.e. not taking any classes, I have to remain a part of the university community. The catch... (or maybe there isn't one) is that I won't be enrolled in classes or viewed as a half-time student. I'm not sure if I can qualify for student loans to be able to pay these fees.

I'm getting to the point where I won't be able to handle the fees that keep piling up. I'm expected to make these payments but won't be able to qualify for federal loans, which have the best terms for students. I don't want to take out a private loan. In fact, I don't want to have to be taking out anymore loans at all.

Where's the good... where's the good?

Did I tell you I'm applying for the Peace Corps? I'm just going through the early stags right now. The application seems surprisingly easy. I thought the essays would be more complex but they have 250-500 word limits. I guess the more thorough examination will take place when they do the interview and everything else that is involved in the process. Why not give it a chance?

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

I won't be graduating in August. It's official. I'm a little disappointed that I won't be able to don the cap and gown and join my cohort in the gradaution ceremony at Rockefeller Chapel. I was looking forward to it and to having my family come down to Chicago for the weekend. Well, scratch all that. It's just not happening, and the fall graduation is in December. I'm not interested.

There will be no ceremony. No pomp and circumstance. I'm fine with that now. It defines my life these days - I'd rather not have any celebration. I'm tired of getting beat up by school. I want to move on from it more than anything else

I shouldn't be listening to Elliott Smith right now.

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying
Go off to sleep in the sunshine
I don't want to see the day when it's dying

She's a sight to see
She's good to me
I'm already somebody's baby
She's a pretty thing
And she knows everything
But I'm already somebody's baby

You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better
Pretty soon you'll find it's the only
Little part of your life you're keeping together

I'm nice to you
I could make it through
That you're already somebody's baby
I could make you smile
If you stayed a while
But how long will you stay with me, baby?

Because your candle burns too bright
Well, I almost forgot it was twilight
Even if I think that you are right
Well, I'm tired of being down, I got no fight

You're wonderful
And it's beautiful
But I'm already somebody's baby
And if I went with you
I'd disappoint you too
Well, I'm already somebody's baby
Already somebody's baby